a new perspective

[ndfarmer]

I would rather lost her to death than this. At least there is an end. In divorce I see no end. Very painful. I hope everyone out there continues to work hard and is successful in their DBing. You dont want to.be where I.am.

[labug]

Hey STE, I think the ingredient that we don't hear much about is time. It all takes time and we want it NOW!

Keep moving forward and in 4 months you'll be in a different place and in 4 months after that, yet again a different place.

Keep working on you, keep moving forward.

You can do this.

[strongerthanever]

ah labug,

So true, thank you. 4 months ago I wasn't eating, was down 15 pounds and was consumed in db no no behaviors. 4 months, agh, seems so long! Feels like the equivalant of saying "just hold your breath for 4 min"-even though I know it's not the same.

Plus life will continue, and 4 months will come and pass with me counting the days or not, so I better make them count! Ugh, that sounds so "therapist", lol.

But seriously, thank you

[strongerthanever]

ndfarmer,

I am sorry that you find yourself in this particular place on your path. Even though it does not feel like it, I must say that I hope this is all part of the "let go of good to make room for great" process for you.

I find it interesting that you compare losing your wife to D -v- death, as I would prefer having to deal with the D -v- the stuckness of where we are right now.

Of course, this is all saying that someone/thing outside of ourselves has the power to dominate the way we are feeling. That doesn't take away from the loss that you are mourning at all. Your D is fresh, and mourning the loss of a dream is all a part of the process.

You know you are the 2 or 3 person to comment on that post-honestly I was embarassed after I posted it, it felt very personal and open. But hey, it's the truth, and it's what we ALL deserve.

(((((huggs)))))

[bustingout]

Hi STE-

Just wanted to stop in and say hi, its been awhile.

I want to echo labug....you CAN do this. We are all behind you

((( )))

[strongerthanever]

Wellll.....the divorce has been busted. Not DB, I mean busted as in the case was closed sure to inactivity with no decree granted. That's something to celebrate, right?

H filled as a "ha I beat you to it" move BC I told him that I was filing. I did not respond to being served, nor did I act like the d process was going on.. We both attended the initial status conference....and then I waited and stayed quiet about that topic. Heck, we even ml one week after the congreve!
I felt most comfortable letting him set the pace as far as progress with paperwork was concerned. And since he didn't make a move, and neither did I, it's closed.

So now what? I mean it's not exactly a game changer, we have not reconciled. All it tells me is that for right now, he is not wanting to pursue the d process.

As for me, I need to stay consistent with who I really am, regardless of h behavior and continue to focus on making the most of my life and my girls.

I have struggled lately and I think it's BC I have not known how to act in response to his actions. I know better than that. I need to stop being immature and giving him reasons to rejustify his position. I think the Key to consistency is it makes them see that the potential for the life they seek has always been there, they are the only missing piece.

[strongerthanever]

In case it is asked, the case status was given to me by the court clerk. You can't re open it, you would have to pay and file a new case.

[ndfarmer]

Hi STE. Thank you for your kind words. I have found comfort in them. I hope I will get to that great. I wish she didnt have power over me but I sure it will diminish has more time passes.

I have read your piece on love to many people and many of them want copies. You so hit the nail on the head. I reread it quite often myself. Thank you so much for it. I wish you luck in your sitc and will continue to follow your jouney.

[strongerthanever]

Nd,

it is out there, waiting for all of us. I really believe that. We may not recognize the face of the person that will fulfill our hearts desires, but I do not doubt their existence.

I wouldn't focus on that right now. You aren't a match to the love that you are seeking. first you have to heal yourself, love yourself. Love others, strangers for no reason other than you are a living person that sees the good in people.

People have the power of freewill. Just because they decide to start liking oranges, or tea, or winter doesn't make their previous preference bad or wrong. The same is with you. Just because someone doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean you aren't worth wanting or being with. Your value as person does not increase with anothers attraction to, and it does not decrease when another turns their attention away from it.

You are constant, beautiful and deserving. Don't put your self value in the hands of someone who does not have your best intrest at heart.

[strongerthanever]

Just journaling...

It's crazy how many times a day h pops into my head. I don't obsess, it just kinda happens. I wonder if our was think of us from time to time.

A thought recently occurred to me...after all the detaching, gal and moving on is done, after all the tears, anger and releasing happens, after we really drop all hope, after the once shiny memories have rusted...

Are we willing to really open our hearts to them and trust again? I can only imagine the journey of finally really detaching. Are you even a match to your old spouse? After everything is said and done, I can only imagine how hard that decision would be.

I mean, by then we are FREE. New, improved and happy. Do we open ourselves up to that again? I can see it with someone new, but with them?