New Thread. Oh well- I've been previously posting in Newcomers, but I'm looking for Hope and Inspiration now that my D is final in two weeks. I was married for 17 yrs and rec'd an email in November(while deployed for a year to Afghanistan with the Guard/reserves) telling me that she wants a D. Home since the end of Dec, I'm in the house with both Boys,see each other everyday, amicable,she says that she loves me but she has no desire to reconcile now- she hopes to, but the desire to come home isn't there. She also said that she can't come back until she knows my 180s are permannt & has no idea how long that may take...maybe never?! So...the in the last 12 months I have been deployed, had a 6 figure pay cut w/ my civilian job, Divorce & my Mom passed away last month... & I'm proud that I'm STILL keeping it together, a great DAD and I know that I could make my walk away spouse / xw happy if given the chance. Just looking for hope , advice ....Thx
I have not read your other thread but let me just say is that there can always be HOPE.
Hope is within you and can not be taken away by your spouse.
You can not have any expectations but you can always have HOPE. Let her go and drop the rope, she is in control right now of whether you will have a relationship in the future. At some point in the future it will be your decision whether to take her back again.
I can not tell you when, but I do know that the LBS is the one that makes the final decision.
Most LBS's give up.
And you must get on with your life and live it "as if" she is never coming back.
Those are all key in YOUR recovery and the ability to ever have another relationship with your W.
The old relationship is dead and a new one must be born.
meant to post on new thread(part III) ...part II was a bit long was getting a bit long - sorry
Any tips to deal with jealousy? My C,xw & friends tell me to forget about it- move on & I don't have a right to be jealous anymore. Easier said than done---its eating me up. I WAS doing so well, some serious back sliding lately. Going back to basics- Printed out the "37rules" and I vow to read them again-twice a day- every morning and evening. I've noticed that the jealousy is tearing me apart...unable to concentrate & interacting with ex has become an emotionally painful experience for me. Everyone tells me that I'm awesome & can have almost any women...unfortunately, the woman that I want ( my ex) is not ready to work of a new R with me. Sometimes the Love feels more like hate, if that makes any sense at all?! Hanging on to Hope - I should probably review success stories too
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Just looking for some advice. My ex has stated that she loves me and wants our family to be together again... But says that she "isn't there yet"... Which means that she can't date, be intimate or feel comfortable back home yet, or she will "run" again. She is encouraging me to date because she doesn't want me to be lonely?! & said that she has gone on a few dates, but felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. I know that I can't place a time on this possible reconciliation Unfortunately it could be never? I would chew my right arm off to have our family whole again. I can't understand her? Women are interested in me - if I date, does that spell the end to any chance of reconciling? Even with my 180s ... Which she has mentioned all of the positive changes - I am still lonely. I'm confused and it sure what all of this means or how to proceed? Advice, insight from anyone with similar experiences ... Really hoping for some advice. My C just tells me that I should do "whatever feels right"... All I feel is confused sad n lonely
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
My ex has stated that she loves me and wants our family to be together again... But says that she "isn't there yet"... Which means that she can't date me, be intimate or feel comfortable back home yet, or she will "run" again. She is encouraging me to date because she doesn't want me to be lonely?! & said that she has gone on a few dates with people, but felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. I know that I can't place a time on this possible reconciliation Unfortunately it could be never I would chew my right arm off to have our family whole again. I can't understand her? Women are interested in me - if I date, does that spell the end to any chance of reconciling? Even with my 180s ... Which she has mentioned all of the positive changes - I am still lonely. I'm confused and unsure what all of this means or how to proceed?
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Several people have told me that nearly all WAWs regret their decision & wish that they could come back? Any feedback or insight on this? I guess I'll keep the door open, try to keep this #%*} situation as amicable as possible & work on me. XW cried in front of me recently when she talked about my changes... Cried and said that she wished I did it sooner ?! I guess that's positive?
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Several people have told me that nearly all WAWs regret their decision & wish that they could come back?"
Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't Most of the time, the WAS feels that it's "too late" ... whatever that means. And that they'd rather start from scratch rather than start at a renewed point of an existing relationship that has already gotten rid of all the preliminary hardships.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
