Maybe over time you can try to see if she's willing to stay longer each time. Tell her that you need a babysitter one night and ask her to stay over since you're going to be gone. Maybe you can schedule an overnighter somewhere. Don't tell her where you're going, just tell her "out with a friend" and end it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Anyone- Any tips on coping with the jealousy? It is eating me up inside when I think of her dating? Trying my best to give her space- so hard to have a "whatever " attitude about it , when it occupies my thoughts constantly?
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Pers, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (that simply means that love forgives). Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Repeat this everyday, I think it will help you. I read that they say that in weddings in USA. Be there for her when she needs you.
Hi Nukem, Yup- 1st Corinthians... Said it at my wedding. I've experienced so many losses in the past year or two... I used to have faith, prayed daily ... Death of loved ones, year long combat deployment, divorce and huge career set backs.God ignored my prayers and I'm holding on by a thread.. Emotionally & financially. Not much faith in a higher being anymore - I wish that I did. I put it in His hands and have been left deserted and forgotten. Sorry to sound so down -- I'm just running out of strength to hold everything together.
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I see a lot of hope in your situation as long as you don't let her cake eat too much.
And yet don't come off as a hot tempered punitive guy either. It can be a fine line.
But you have the home and the kids and that's HUGELY in your favor. Perhaps a part of her felt overly burdened by your deployments.
My h is deployed now and while I worry a lot about him, I have to admit I resent the amount of "dumping" of responsibilities on ME that it creates. Sounds selfish and it IS, so I didn't tell him
b/c he's obviously not in a great situation either.
But I admit, here, that I do feel trapped by his career choices and this isn't the first time. OH and The pay cut is a nice crunchy kick in the face too...
Her leaving the boys w/you in the family home means this isn't all about you.
It's a lifestyle she wants to be free of, for an amount of time she isn't sure of. Maybe she wants to see if the grass is greener but I think the grass is greener where it gets the most water.
I'd be the best dad you can be, b/c 1) it's the right thing to do and
2) no woman is unmoved by the loving interactions of her children with their father.
I would work VERY HARD ON DETACHMENT b/c I think it'll help your sitch in two ways.
First, it'll help you GAL and we hammer GAL b/c we know it works. It helps your attitude, your concentration AND it makes you more attractive...
no one is turned on by a needy clingy man, let alone an EX H who still expresses his jealousy.
Second, I think your w must fear losing you, before she snaps out of this.
If you KNOW your changes are real and lasting, let that radiate. NOT to get her back but b/c you want to be your best self, and you can even thank her for being the catalyst for that change.
If she fears that "her work" on you will only benefit some OW down the road
(like she was the "practice wife" and OW gets the more improved version of you)
and that OWs will come into HER BOY'S lives, it will affect her.
Not saying you have to use some OW to do this but you could tell your wife, as if to reassure her,
that you won't "parade" a bunch of OWs around the boys until you believe the r is fairly serious, and that you will always respect her as the mother of your children...
ALSO if your doctor prescribes Anti depressants and they help, then take them. That's what they are for. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about taking medicine or advise you, online, as to what you should do with your health.
I found the anti anxiety meds helped me not "lose it" in front of my h when I was very angry. I could have done a lot of emotional damage if I had lost my temper, many times. And with the meds I was finally able to sleep better.
I also turned my marriage over to God. You can turn it over to "the universe" if you want, the important thing is you let go of it.
Let go of the anger and pain too.
I'd literally say "God, I turn my pain/anger/m over to you" and I'd say it in the shower, out loud.
Thinking it, saying it, hearing myself saying it, all helped it sink in. Let go of what you cannot control in life and you WILL HAVE MORE PEACE inside...
Be the best man YOU can be. When you know you have done this, then leave the results up to God and hold your head high.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you. That is exactly what I needed to read at this exact moment. I've been feeling hopeful that my STBXW would return, but that IF that happens, that old relationship can not, and will not be anything by a "history lesson" on what not to do. And that a new relationship would replace it - one based upon some hard fought lessons during this time apart (and time after the upcoming divorce).
25M Thanks so much for your reply. I need to let go of the jealousy-I guess that's where the anxiety meds will help- I'll start those in a few weeks. I'm happy that you see hope in the sitch . Today all 4 of us are going to my sister's house for a family cookout for a few hours. She recently said that she has put up walls to protect herself emotionally- & she doesn't know if or how to lower the barrier? She is so detached and business-like most of the time... Fleeting glimpses of the old her appear / then back to the ice princess. Oh well-- my goal for the day is to have fun with the family,be outgoing and positive and hide my jealousy!
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A nice day at the cookout. Like a family again ... Just no handholding or kissing. God I love that woman and would do anything to have her back home again. I kept the jealousy monster contained - She is headed out of the country tomorrow for a week ( work stuff). The Boys and I put together an envelope with letters, momentos & pics for her ( not to be opened until she is on the plane). I think that she appreciated the thought. Maybe the forward momentum is like watching grass grow--- you know it's happening but the progress is so subtle you don't notice it day to day?
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
