I haven't looked up all my past posts that started in 2005...I just got curious the other day and wondered if I would recognize any names...and I do recognize a few...
H and I have been back together for over 6 years now...for the most part things are really good...but marriage is what it is...work...
I have maintained my GAL...I make sure I balance my friends with family, H, and work...I get a little of everything in during a week (more work than anything)...
Am I glad I DB'd...YES! Do I feel that we are a MLC Success...YES!
H did have many EA and one PA...one thing I can tell you is that trust can be rebuilt...I don't ever snoop anymore...I don't feel threatened when he doesn't answer his phone or text that he might be cheating on me...I can't tell you how you know but if it is like for me, you just know.
About 3 or 4 yrs ago the OW emailed H...he never replied but I did (he showed me the email, I didn't snoop)...I was respectfull but asked her to leave us alone...and it appears she has...H has changed emails several times (he always uses the same password because he says he has nothing to hide...and again, I don't feel the need to snoop but I have it if I need I guess).
We have celebrated several nice anniversaries in places we used to dream of going...Hawaii, Caribbean, Mexico, Florida...we have a few more on our bucket list and I am sure we will make them eventually.
I guess why I am here today is just to reconfirm for any who are interested that the success of some of us is still going...
I learned a lot here...and I am thankful for that...I did move on from here because at times it felt like I was picking the scab off a wound and not letting it fully heal...like I needed to make the leap out of the nest and fly on my own...make sure I was able to do what I thought I was doing...and I think I have done that...I feel healed...I don't think about OW hardly ever...the first few years it was a daily flash in my thoughts...sometimes I go long periods of time without even remembering "that time" in our marriage...I think that is healing.
So if anyone is interested I have a lot of old postings here that might be of encouragment...I mean I did DB but I made mistaks along the way and still succeeded...I think everyone needs hope in the beginning and then at some point they will just KNOW...if you save your marriage that is good but in helping a dear friend through a nasty divorce I think it is even more important that you save yourself...if you the marriage that is good but I think you count yourself a success if you save yourself too...somethings are just not fixable with some people and you can't continue to carry that around with you...
I wish everyone success in whatever form it comes in!!!
I have read some of your old posts and it really helped me. You got the results we all pray for. Lately I try not to pray for results just to allow God his will.
A year and 1/2 into this I do feel like a reinvigorated woman 80% of the time.
The other 20% I struggle with anger and blaming him for what he is doing to our kids.
Your update is much appreciated and the reminder that even if we do save our marriage it is still a lot of work.
Some days I am just happy I have less laundry to do and more closet space
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
BklynMom, Okay that last line made me laugh because one thing I noticed was much less money I spent, less laundry, and less cleaning...look for the positives...
Like I said, success isn't measured by saving your marriage it is saving yourself and coming out the otherside a better person...with or without your spouse...
There were many times I was done...I knew I was ready to really work when he did come home because I no longer needed him...I was making it on my own, had a good job (my first real job that was a supporting wage), and had GAL...I had friends around, went on vacations, treated myself when I wanted, got to choose where I wanted to eat...so at that point I wanted him, wanted it work...but didn't need him and didn't need it to work...I was going to be okay either way!
There are definite advantages. I spend a lot less time cooking because I was always making him elaborate meals and now I just cook fast for the kids. Every other weekend I get to do fun grown up stuff.
Less cleaning is a big plus
No more football. Hurray!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
