This is very encouraging and I write to both thank those who post success stories and to unburden myself in the company of those who are also going through a spouse's MLC.
Every day I tell myself that in a year or two my marriage can be happy again, provided I stick to my plan (don't take things personally, detach, don't hover, and don't try to "fix" my wife, act with confidence in the future, GAL and support myself, stay calm, don't argue with her, bite my tongue when she speaks to me with contempt or criticism, set some boundaries but be generous and give her space to explore).
If there are encouraging voices on this board I'd love to read your replies, your success stories, share in your experiences.
It's only been 4 months since BD but there was at least a year of MLC and unhappiness prior to that. My wife has suffered childhood emotional abuse and also trauma in college. She is such a great person and we were extremely happy together for over 10 years before mid-life symptoms appeared. I know this is mostly about her and what she's going through. I firmly agree with Michele that we can get through this to the other side, and that ours is a marriage worth saving.
I was by no means a perfect husband and a bit slow to wake up to ways I was not meeting her emotional needs. And I am waking up to ways my own insecurity and fear made me less of the man she needed. But I try not to dwell on these things - if the problems were just about the marriage then changing those things would have made some difference. I am calming myself, working out, working on my self-esteen, learning lots.
I have hope because some marriages on this board have come back from separation, infidelity and worse situations than mine. My wife and I are still together, we each wear our rings. She is mostly confused and shows lots of signs of depression. She spends lots of energy on things to help her feel better (unfortunately this does include a mild EA and a few other occasions of seeking male attention outside the marriage; this has been the toughest thing to deal with). We operate as a family though we are not intimate. I am still "Daddy" and we have family dinner together every night of the week. Once in a while she will approach me for a quick kiss goodbye in the morning. There are lots of ups and downs. Anyone on this board knows the MLC routine. But I press on, with hope.
No Ego, I think you have the right tools. Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
It is nice to see that it does happen. Any updates on how people are doing now. I see some of the dates are not recent. I know i am new to this but i still have hope, and god will give me the straight to stand by and wait..
W-37 H-36 No kids H-moved out Nov 08,13 H-no contact Dec 18,13 Married for 10 years Together for 12 years
Hi, I came here to look for inspiration. Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed? Some work and some just retrieve the following message: "There was a problem looking up this post in our database." Thanks.
Last edited by Ripe; 12/10/1509:52 PM.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Hi, I came here to look for inspiration. Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed? Some work and some just retrieve the following message: "There was a problem looking up this post in our database." Thanks.
Unfortunately the ones with broken links means that those threads were purged with the last great purge. Many MLC threads were deleted in the purge.
Thanks Cadet. I know those stories collected by Monza and since I read them all I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes. I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself. Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums? Does anyone do regular backups of the database?
I think now is the time for some gratitude: Thank you DB forum. Thank you DB moderators. Thank you veterans. Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.
Last edited by Ripe; 12/11/1509:58 PM.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes. I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself. Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums? Does anyone do regular backups of the database?
I think now is the time for some gratitude: Thank you DB forum. Thank you DB moderators. Thank you veterans. Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.
Here is one of the posters from the list all her posts that are still on the board Rollercoasterider
I think that if you are trying to read some of these older stories many of them still have posts here that have not been purged, it will take some looking as the purge went through to a date somewhere in 2006, there are some older posts on the forum but due to its size many were not kept based on sheer volume.
As far as backup - I suggest you back up your own stuff as the person that pays the bills may not be able to afford to keep stuff around forever.
Maybe I will try to redo this thread again in the future although it was a lot of work the last time.
I am NOT a moderator on the MLC board and am not able to edit these threads, so we shall see.
