Needing some guidance... 6

[2chiquitos]

How are you doing?? I'm thinking of you JKS. You're in my thoughts n prayers.

[jks]

count your blessings.

Tonight I am doing just this. Feeling so much better. I had my first photo shoot in months today and it reminded me that I have a good life. I don't need a man to make me happy and what my H is doing is despicable and I truly believe he will be really sorry one day that he let me go. I have these dark moments and I have so many great people that help me snap out of it. Thank you all so much!

I really, really need to just keep myself busy. When I know I'm going to have some down time, I need to plan something and get out.

Also, H actually moving in with OW was killer. I couldn't believe he would actually do it. Something somewhere somehow is going to bite him in the butt and knock him off his feet someday. People do not do these types of things to other people (important people in their lives) and live blissfully happy forever after. It just doesn't work that way.

But honestly, I'm not focused on him anymore... at least not tonight. My focus is on me and my kids and my work. I have been blessed. This situation is just a huge stumbling block that I have to keep getting up from. But eventually it will be smaller. And I won't fall as hard.

[jks]

How are you doing?? I'm thinking of you JKS. You're in my thoughts n prayers.

Thank you so much, vero. It means a lot and these posts really help me feel comforted. As you can see from my above post, I am doing well. My morning was rough but by the time I was able to get out and do my shoot, all my worries of H and what he is doing pretty much faded away. I then went to pick up my kids and decided to take my kids to get ice cream because my D6 got 120% on her spelling test. She has been struggling with reading and spelling and 120% is the highest score you can get so you can say I'm extremely proud of her. It was a good night.

I hope you are doing well.

[bustingout]

Hi jks, I am happy to read your recent posts. You have picked yourself back up so quickly and found your PMA again. I know what H did is disgusting and beyond painful, but you shaped back into the wonderful mother and person you have worked so hard to become. You really are messed.

And i have to agree...i don't believe thats how happily ever after happens either....

Congratulations to D6!!!!!

(((( ))))

[jks]

I had a great day today. I got so much work done and felt really productive. Went grocery shopping with D6 and we had fun together. I just now have finally put the kids to bed and can I just say, we had the best bonding moments tonight. I spoke to them about doing what's right and why mommy reminds them to continue to say their prayers. And why mommy prays every night. We also talked about Christmas and how I'd really like to take them to do some service for people that don't have as much as we do. My D6 said I would really like to do that, mommy.

Such a proud moment for me. She really does want to do what's right and be a good little girl. My S4, on the other hand, was struggling with the fact that he really just wanted to open presents. I told him that his Christmas would be wonderful no matter what but that this was just something I wanted to do as a family together. I told him he would feel so good being able to help other little children that don't get to have a really great Christmas like we do. And he said, ok.

I guess I'm sharing this because these are the types of things I always wanted to do while I was with H. And for some reason, we never did it together. I've hated Christmas over the years because I feel like it's so commercialized and it's all about getting and just having "things." More things to clutter our houses. I always wanted it to be about helping others and making our family feel closer. So this is my new tradition that I'm starting with my kids myself.

Even though the holidays can be a really crappy time for LBS's, I feel like this is a huge way to make it more about what's important and staying positive rather than focusing on the negative events that have transpired over the last year.

We laughed so much tonight together and D6 said, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much! I hope to have the strength to do this regularly with my kids. Being present for them and happy. This is what's important right now.

[2chiquitos]

JKS this is such a great idea! I've also don't want my kids to lose the true meaning of Christmas. I had always envisioned it as a time to be with family and to give to others.

With a 4yo and a 1yo I'm going to come up with something. Thanks for the idea ;-)

[scaredsilly]

That is a wonderful idea, JKS!! I'm going to think of a way to help others, too. Thank you so much!

[bustingout]

Hi jks, wonderful post to read! And what a great idea you have for you and your children to start a beautiful tradition together. (((( ))))

Hope you are well.

[ces67]

(((JKS))) Great post to read. Step by step, you're getting to a better place that will become routine. Cherish each moment.

[jks]

I'm not gonna lie... I get super depressed when my kids are gone. I just spent the night walking around outside balling my eyes out and finally sat on a curb for about 30 minutes, balling some more. Someone finally pulled over to see if I needed a ride and if I was ok.

I said, I'm fine, thanks. I'm so emotionally exhausted. I have to see H in the morning and I just want it to go quickly. I still try so hard to be happy and friendly when we exchange kids. The last time he had this big story from work that he wanted to tell me about work and it pretty much took me out of commission for hours afterward. He doesn't realize that the friend thing is torture. And I really don't want to hear about his life because I'm not a part of it anymore. But I just smile and say, cool.

I feel like a tortured soul. Just trying to stay above water and wishing that I could just drown.