Bitty, Take a look at my original post, sounds very similar to yours. Hang in there if you want the M to work, the relationship with the BF will fade if you hang in there and support her no matter what!!!! Best of Luck!!!
Me 40, live in WAW H 39 married 9 yrs seperated 18 months, apart 7 months D 4, 16 S 6, 19
I have 15 yr step son (i met w/he was 3), an 8 yr old daughter & 5 yr old son. my wife started developing a "friendship" w/OM this past summer. he has ATV's, money, etc, so when W would visit w/kids, kids would play & she would chat w/him. Our offical breakup was 1/1/08. a week thereafter she start talking to OM every night on cell phone. now twice a week she sleeps at his place- they are getting very close. she claims she hasn't slept w/him yet but surely will soon. anyway we filed for divorce 2/11/08. we are good friends. we are both committed to not messing kids lives up. we will be keeping house for at least 16 more mths... the divorce will not be finalized until the house sells. just lay dorment in court. she will still have all my benefits from work and we will continue to use both our incomes to pay bills. i am doing this so my children aren't faced w/a shitty place to live. since our split i take kids to church and play w/them constantly. i have a very close relationship w/my daughter whose really having issues with this. i believe all kids back me 100%. now for your take....
i am finding things to do to keep myself occupied. working out constantly and visiting friends. W is already trying to form relationship w/OM and kids. OM has 14yr old son (whose friends w/my 15 yr old son), 16 yr old daughter and was previously divorced- almost lost his business to last wife. he has been single for 5 years. this weekend i am going to philly for three nights. W is taking kids over to OM's 16 yr old daughter birthday party! since you were a WAW, do you think this relationship with OM will implode? wife and i were together for 13yrs, and married 10. i love her more than ever but do not believe i will ever take her back- but i will be best friends for kids and always support her. please tell me your thoughts. by the way, the OM (his brother is married to W sisters best friend) I know W's younger sister has issues with how fast W is moving w/this. john
I have been hoping that there would be a forum for WAS. Maybe it will take time for them to find this.
In the meantime, it doesn't need to be taken over by the LBS. I think they need to be gently reminded that this is for encouragement and advice for the WAS, if I understood the moderator correctly.
I know when I first came on board that I didn't know where to go or what to do, so it takes time to figure it out....and I'm still working on it...lol.
I didn't completely walk away....but one of my threads was called An Almost WAW....and still am in my heart. So, I think I could qualify for this forum as support to others (I hope). Although my thread is in Piecing now. If I'm wrong about this, then let me know.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I suppose I am harping on this, but I notice in the forum of "I'm Thinking About Leaving"......have you all noticed that most of them do not stay on the board? I think it is b/c of the negative feed back they get. So, again, let's please be careful how we talk to the ones that are thinking about leaving or these that have already walked away.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes sandi I did notice that there was not always a lot of support more of the trying to get everyone postin gthere to start DBing. i stopped reading that forum for just that reason.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
May I ask you what changed your mind to want to go back to your H? And, how long have you been S?
I have been asked this question before. The following was my response.
"Like most I thought being away from my husband would solve my problems. I never stopped believing he was anything but amazing, still I didn't think we could overcome the barriers to communication we had faced since the beginning of our marriage.
A few things contributed to changing my mind. 1. My religious convictions. 2. My experience with separation opened up my eyes to that no one is perfect and that I actually had a good marriage with an amazing guy who adored me that just needed some work (I hope he doesn't have to have an affair or experience the single life to figure that out.) 3. I realized that people give up to easy on marriage and I would be exchanging one set of problems for another. 4. Marriage is about so much more than being head over heals in love or having a great sex life. A true committment is soldiering through the tough times and coming out a stronger couple."
We were S from Nov 06-Jul 07 and then again from Dec 07-present.
You fit the forum and I did post to you in another forum. As a WAW who became a LBS I felt that my sitch was a little out of the ordinary so I wanted a forum where the few of us could discuss out sitch. From talking to my DB coach there IS a bit of a different approach because I was a WAW. I hope too that it can provide some insight in what WAS's are thinking and feeling. I do also welcome advice or questions from LBS's. My particular question for the LBS's has been what would it take for you to take back your WAW.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I suppose I am harping on this, but I notice in the forum of "I'm Thinking About Leaving"......have you all noticed that most of them do not stay on the board? I think it is b/c of the negative feed back they get. So, again, let's please be careful how we talk to the ones that are thinking about leaving or these that have already walked away.
Sandi, I think it is commendable of you and other WAS's to be on this board looking for advice, support and guidance. Just being here and posting shows so much courage and a demonstrates a desire a make things better. You are also a valuable resource for those LBS's looking to get a view of what their partners may be thinking / feeling.
