Well, I did poorly today. I made the mistake of starting a conversation about our relationship. It ended in an argument for half an hour, that finished around midnight.
The past week without me initiating conversations went so well, too. Live and learn.
It's somewhat ironic that the only way for us to have a relationship is if I don't talk about our relationship.
Well, I did poorly today. I made the mistake of starting a conversation about our relationship.
<pounds head on desk> What in the world, this must be the 3rd post I've read in the last hour on here like this from different people! Stop it with the R talks already! It'll never go your way and will probably ruin what progress you've made! I can't remember where I copied this from, but I liked it so much I stuck it in a file with other stuff I read every week or so for inspiration and reminders, it explains why you should NOT initiate R talks:
Quote:
Every time you say to her “But, I love you”, you are saying “but I want something different than what you want. You want to pull away, but I want you to come closer. I don’t really care what you want. It’s what I want that’s important.”
Lots of times men tell their wives “I’ve changed. I’ve changed. Let’s get back together. I’ve changed.”
I tell the husbands that Every time you say “I’ve changed”, you’re communicating to her that you have not changed.
Really? Why is that? How is that? I don’t understand that.
Of course, you don’t understand. But what’s your motivation? Why are you telling him or her how you’ve changed? What’s your purpose? Isn’t it to get your way?
Yeah, I want her back.
That’s your way. It’s not her way, right now. She said she may consider it later, maybe, but not right now. And every time you say “I’ve changed”, you’re saying “Give me my way! Give me my way! Give me my way! What I want is more important than what you want. I don’t give a hoot what you want.”
And subconsciously, she says “He hasn’t changed. He’s still the neurotic, selfish, pressuring guy he always was. There’s no way I’m going to go back to him, or feel positive to him as long as he is this way.”
I wasn't quite that bad. I didn't say "I love you" or "I've changed" or even "lets try to make things work" or anything to that effect.
I asked how she was feeling about things, and whether she had any current plans either way. Even still, it didn't end well. Hopefully I won't make that mistake again.
We were watching TV, as we often do in the evenings. I was also chatting with one of my (female) friends on my phone at the time. Wife got upset with me, called me a hypocrite (one of my big complaints about her used to be her chatting on the phone all the time).
Fast forward to bed time. Started with a good night kiss, then one thing led to another... Immediately afterwards, she started crying. At first, I thought I had hurt her (she fell down some stairs at a restaurant last week, and has had a sore back), but she said that wasn't it, and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. A little later, I asked her again, and she said that she didn't want to talk about it, that it didn't change anything anyways. Later still, she told me that she had been crying because she didn't feel anything for me during sex (no love, lust, or even attraction). I'm not sure why she cried this time, when the last few times she's said she didn't feel anything for me either.
Hi Neode, She probably cried bc she is confused as well. She is defintely not going to tell you that she did feel something when she's been trying so hard not too. W probably only responded because she felt pressured to do so after you asked her twice what was wrong. She felt something or else she would not be crying. Hmmmmmm...Let her cry and get it out. Just be supportive. Don't ask why just make her feel you're there for support.
I know I shouldn't have pressed her, I was just kind of in shock.
I asked her twice, once right after I made sure she wasn't physically hurt, and once when she said that it didn't change anything. Later, she asked me if I really wanted to know why, and that's when she told me the last bit.
She asked me today if we could plan a date night, to go out dancing. So we're going out on the 1st (already have things planned for the intervening Saturdays, and Saturday is the easiest day for us to get a babysitter).
