That's great news! Keep up the PMA! Remember to try to continue to detach. She could be doing the distance and pursue dance. Also her happiness comment makes it sound like she still thinks it is found in another person. Not to sound weird but why does she need to go out all the time? That is raising a red flag with me. I mean it is okay if you are okay with it, I guess I wouldn't be comfortable with that though.
Thanks Arsene and MKB, The original idea was we would alternate w/es of going and staying gone the entire w/e. So this is an improvement if she means it as its cut in half. W had D11 at 19 and has had often commented that she missed her 20s / the "party time" where she thought happiness would be. Last night she said she realized she wasn't really missing anything. This is an explanation, not a defense or justification of her actions. Thank you for the reminder of detach - distance / pursuit dance.
Also, as far as happiness in others, she being the WAW is the opposite of me the LBS. Each relying too much on others for happiness. Codependency displayed differently.
Thanks Arsene and MKB, The original idea was we would alternate w/es of going and staying gone the entire w/e. So this is an improvement if she means it as its cut in half. W had D11 at 19 and has had often commented that she missed her 20s / the "party time" where she thought happiness would be. Last night she said she realized she wasn't really missing anything. This is an explanation, not a defense or justification of her actions. Thank you for the reminder of detach - distance / pursuit dance.
It's a huge amount of progress for the WAS to come up with on their own that they were not "missing out on anything".
This story continues to seem more positive. I'm happy for you. Just keep doing the same things, notice the actions that work. It sounds like her MA is getting more positive - I haven't read a negative text/call from her in awhile. Follow her lead when she is with you, focus on you at other times. Enjoy the weekend
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Daddy, thanks for stopping by. Feel free to come by anytime you like. I've read many of your comments on other threads and respect you very much. Thanks for pointing out W's seeming progress. It's nice to know.
Tumbling, thank you as always for your support. W hasn't lashed out at me in long time. *knock on wood* Worst that she has done is shutdown, but that has been my fault. Gotta ask, what's MA?
Tori, due to my previous overzealous / too hopeful successes, I have started a list. Also, W did ask "what do I need" last w/e if we were to work on things. No actual committment to the at yet though so I'm keeping it "business / friend like". (eg working on finances).
Journaling. Have been doing some home improvements (minor, but mutually agreed upon) today. She's all happy and giggly (teenage like), as she shares that she told OM he is a dueche bag (so?), that she's going out with her BFF and getting trashed, wanting to post pics of her out having fun on FB. I honestly did my best at remaining neutral to all of her talks before she left. I think she probably read my mind that I wanted to give her a "high five" for calling OM that. Lol. Oh well, I can't be perfect can i? Right before she left, she did walk up to me, seeking a compliment on how she looked. I refrained, but then stated that it seemed as if that's what she was doing. W said no but feel free to share one, so I did share a genuine WISH, as she did look amazing. Anywho, I've been hanging with the kids, they helped a little with DIY projects; and am ok.
Hope all is well with everyone, or at least everyone is doing well despite our sichs.
Daddy, thanks for stopping by. Feel free to come by anytime you like. I've read many of your comments on other threads and respect you very much. Thanks for pointing out W's seeming progress. It's nice to know.
Tumbling, thank you as always for your support. W hasn't lashed out at me in long time. *knock on wood* Worst that she has done is shutdown, but that has been my fault. Gotta ask, what's MA?
Tori, due to my previous overzealous / too hopeful successes, I have started a list. Also, W did ask "what do I need" last w/e if we were to work on things. No actual committment to the at yet though so I'm keeping it "business / friend like". (eg working on finances).
Journaling. Have been doing some home improvements (minor, but mutually agreed upon) today. She's all happy and giggly (teenage like), as she shares that she told OM he is a dueche bag (so?), that she's going out with her BFF and getting trashed, wanting to post pics of her out having fun on FB. I honestly did my best at remaining neutral to all of her talks before she left. I think she probably read my mind that I wanted to give her a "high five" for calling OM that. Lol. Oh well, I can't be perfect can i? Right before she left, she did walk up to me, seeking a compliment on how she looked. I refrained, but then stated that it seemed as if that's what she was doing. W said no but feel free to share one, so I did share a genuine WISH, as she did look amazing. Anywho, I've been hanging with the kids, they helped a little with DIY projects; and am ok.
Hope all is well with everyone, or at least everyone is doing well despite our sichs.
Yeah, that all sounds really good afa. The only thing that I will add is that you need to be clear about what those things are that YOU need for reconciliation.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
here's the short list that I made last week. Thoughts? What I WANT / NEED *IC therapy - MC therapy *Forgiveness for my wrongdoings *Transparency - FB, games, phones, email. *Equal partners in everything - house chores, bills, free time, parenting. *Sleep in same room / bed - your mattress and comforter set. *Help in taking life less serious / be less responsible - relax and have fun *Exercise together sometimes. *Most importantly, make the M a priority. Make time for each other.
Well, I would put NC with OM at the very top of that list. If has to be first and foremost otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a colossal fall.
On the other things on your list... they sound good. Maybe you could be a bit flexible on a couple of them, such as the working out together. I mention that one because I, for one, don't like to work out with anyone, let alone my W. That is just kind of my personal get away time. Your W might feel the same and I don' think that it is fair, or necessary, for you to take that away from her.
The other ones seem good, if not essential.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
