Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 5

[theUF]

Problem is me and W don't communicate at all.
It is extremely tough being rejected.
She will wash all dishes but my 1 dish.
She won't do my laundry or anything.

Try focusing more on what can be solutions instead of what the obstacles are.

Sounds like she is quite resentful.
Wash the dishes, do the laundry. Don't react to her resentful behaviour. I get the feeling she would feed of your reactions and just continue behaving like that. Can that be the case?

[ThisDayForward]

Yes I think lots of things she does are ploys to get a reaction out of me. Like hiding phone, rings off, withholding kids, silent treatment, won't make my bed if I forget and and and ...

Up to this point I don't react. Although my chi counselor says just venting on this forum and or txting about it sends her negative energy and takes my powe away

I find venting here helps at times though

[MrBond]

Geez here we go again.

"I guess I have to man up until I can prove this thing in full"

Then what are you going to do if you can prove an A?

"how can I even begin to make her laugh at this point? I would love to go out to dinner with her but its so not in picture."

Stop thinking about stuff like this. She doesn't even like you.

"I feel like honestly I need to take SG route and start going out and not telling her where I'm going ."

That's not going to do anything because at this point she doesn't care about you. She doesn't like you so she doesn't want you. So going out without telling her where isn't going to do much. UNLESS you start changing and stop acting like a wuss.

"Which is tough during week when I'm getting up at 545 am for work. I know cry me an fn river right. It's the facts . I have 2 kids who keep me busy til almost 9 pm."

I had my two kids, the youngest being 2 at the time. I would play with them, help them with their homework, bathe them, cook them dinner and be done with them by 9:30. Then I start work that I brought home till 2 maybe 3 am. Go to bed and get back up again at 5:00 a.m. to get them ready for school.

So yeah. Cry me a river.

"I notice last week she won't eat anything I bring home for dinner or eat anything I cook for breakfast."

Who cares?

"If there is a dish in sink that is mine she will wash all dishes but my 1 dish."

Who cares? And that sounds just stupid.

"She won't do my laundry or anything."

Again, who cares? Are you going to cry because she doesn't wipe your @$$ too? She doesn't like you! I don't know how many times you have to be told this.

"I think lots of things she does are ploys to get a reaction out of me."

EXACTLY! It's what YOU think. You don't even know if it's true.

"Like hiding phone,"

Do you really think she really thinks about this? I don't even know why you keep posting and not just file.

"withholding kids"

How is she withholding the kids? Sounds like you spend time with them whenever you want. You're reaching.

"silent treatment"

Cuz she doesn't like you so why should she talk to you?

"won't make my bed if I forget"

What are you 8 years old? Fix your own bed or not. Stop relying on her.

I swear. How many times are you going to mention the phone flipping over? Oh I'm sorry, I meant COMPLAIN about the phone flipping over and then you don't do anything OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

[someguy1233]

I feel like honestly I need to take SG route and start going out and not telling her where I'm going . Which is tough during week when I'm getting up at 545 am for work. I know cry me an fn river right. It's the facts . I have 2 kids who keep me busy til almost 9 pm.

PON,
In my sitch, I used going out to create some mystery. But this wasn't the only goal. It really is two-fold. I'm trying to go out for ME as well.

I totally understand how hard it can be. It's hard to get out of the house with kids. It's hard when you have to get up early. But get out and do it. I feel so much better going out and doing something fun for me. This also makes it easier to act AS-IF around W because I have parts of my life that are still happy and fun.

[ThisDayForward]

Ok thx for the slap with the 2 x 4 Mr. B. Before I reply we had a good night as a family last night. W actually asked me in a round about way what I wanted for Xmas.

Here is the deal. I understand all the little things she does when she feels like she hates me or doesn't like me. No dinner, dishes, laundry etc. Ignore them and do them myself. Thx I get it and I have been doing this. As matter of fact I realized I use to do my own laundry so she didn't have to deal with my stuff and she could just focus on kids and her. For some reason when I got day job I started dumping my laundry on her. Not sure why. So I did 180 and started using my own hamper and will do my own laundry going forward.

Here is the deal Mr. B and I KNOW it's out of my control. Also LA has hinted on this before. This is what I gather from OBSERVATION. When my has PMS and her cycle she hates me. Hates me bad. I'm guessing she vents to her guy friends via "txt" and doesn't want me to see it. SO YES I THINK she notices it. She intentionally hides her phone during these times, flips it over, puts it on vibrate. When she snaps out of these moods like yesterday (2nd day off cycle) she leaves the damn thing out. She leaves the laptop open and for christ sake she even ask what I want for xmas. So before you reply. YES I KNOW. I have to either tolerate it during those 2 weeks, GAL, man up, or FILE. I get that. Part of me can't stand the up and down behavior. The other part of me loves my kids and knows D is wrong. This is my struggle. I am getting a little better each day with my anxiety and I will continue to reel that in. Just last night it looked like the night was going to be a disaster and it ended up turning out ok. I kept my anxiety in check and we had a decent night.

I'm pretty sure she vents to all these guy "friends" and doesn't want me to know she txting them. Then I think when she comes in and out of fog she has guilt.

I'm going to try to stop being a wuss and stop letting my anxiety consume me when she enters into fog. I will increase GAL activities during those times. The times are so predictable its laughable.

She was withholding kids but that has stopped. Rememeber she was very angry that I would NOT move out. She was attempting to do things to get me to snap/break and move out. I didn't cave.

I'm still doing Qi Gong and it has helped tremendously. Actually I have not taken 1 piece of Ativan since doing it. I was taking 2 pills a day and sometimes 3 especially when on vacation trip.

Thx Mr. B. I know I need to get stronger and not sweat the small stuff.

Either way I was really taken back that W actually asked what I wanted for xmas. So I said I could use some new ice skates and the running joke with kids is I always tell them I just want "cookies"

I'm going to mark yesterday down as a very nice successful family day. It included a family attended parade. Some 1:1 time with me and the W when kids were in bed.

My brother sort of said something that made sense. You both don't trust each other, why not start trusting her first.

I do appreciate when your harsh. I have learned a lot from your posts and have benefited greatly from them (meditation, not reacting, doing more GAL, staying busy with kids, don't sweat small stuff, W don't like me, don't take her stuff personal, and most importantly the only thing I'm in control of is me)

Thx

[ThisDayForward]

SG yes I agree getting out of house is very important. I've been thinking about organizing an open mic for sometime. I've called this place like 20 x times and the lady is a biatch to get in touch with. I've been playing acoustic guitar for about 15 years and it went wayside after kiddos.

My main focus get my anxiety under control. I am certainly alot better (no meds) but I have moments of terrible thoughts. As Mr. B said GAL would help that too.

Hopefully day job starts to pick up too. Unbelievably redic that I'm getting paid to sit on my azz and do nothing all day long. They promised me when hired projects and I get zilch. Frustrating. But at least income and benefits for family.

I know I have no control over this but there truly is a HUGE hormone piece as stated above that I have either learn to deal with or move on.

Here is the cycle that I've observed in myself. I do something stupid caused by anxiety (snoop,talk to much, behavior etc) My W maybe just off that week but because of my anxiety I get paranoid it is something I did. Did I talk to her mother? Did I touch her phone? Did I talk to a neighbor? Did I say something off key? etc.. Rinse and repeat. As matter of fact I almost fell into that trap last night but I talked myself out of it and we ended up having a great evening.

Anyways I do get GAL and I do understand everything Mr. B posts. Sometimes "in the moment" I get weak or react how I don't want to react. I get caught off guard etc..

[ThisDayForward]

Mr. B and Company. Would love 25year to chime in too if available.

Mr. B I really hate the environment WE (ME included) have created at home. Locked phones. Locked laptops. Kids asking me and W in front of each other for the passwords to iphhone because they think its fun to punch in the code, then I have to change code etc..We both feel uncomfortable around each other when they do this. It is quite akward.

My question is how can I work toward breaking that environment down. Mr. B you once said you and your W lived like this. Everything was lock and key.

First of all the reason why I started to lock my phone (2 months ago) is my W was snooping on it and jumping to conclusions about partial txt messages she read. She also found the DB website on my phone. NOT GOOD. I have no females txting me and I have nothing to hide. But the DB book said change what is not working and at the time my phone being unlocked was causing more damage then good. But... I hate this environment.

I do feel if I told my W my code right now or even said I'm no longer locking my phone she might not care. But I truly hate this atmosphere at home WE (me so much included) have created

For you Mr. B when did this lock and key stuff go away. Would it be to my benefit to not lock my stuff and literally tell everyone that txt me to just not txt me about my M anymore. Start to gain trust back or just keep doing my thing everyday.

I feel like my life is ground hog day:

work, dinner, play with kids, kids to bed, guage W's mood, GAL or interact with her

rinse repeat.

On a positive note my company just put me on a HUGE project. This should help with staying busy during day.

[25yearsmlc]

Mr. B and Company. Would love 25year to chime in too if available.

Mr. B I really hate the environment WE (ME included) have created at home. Locked phones. Locked laptops. Kids asking me and W in front of each other for the passwords to iphhone because they think its fun to punch in the code, then I have to change code etc..We both feel uncomfortable around each other when they do this. It is quite akward.

My question is how can I work toward breaking that environment down. Mr. B you once said you and your W lived like this. Everything was lock and key.


unlock yours, which is all you control

First of all the reason why I started to lock my phone (2 months ago) is my W was snooping on it and jumping to conclusions about partial txt messages she read. She also found the DB website on my phone. NOT GOOD. I have no females txting me and I have nothing to hide. But the DB book said change what is not working and at the time my phone being unlocked was causing more damage then good. But... I hate this environment.

I do feel if I told my W my code right now or even said I'm no longer locking my phone she might not care. But I truly hate this atmosphere at home WE (me so much included) have created

For you Mr. B when did this lock and key stuff go away. Would it be to my benefit to not lock my stuff and literally tell everyone that txt me to just not txt me about my M anymore. Start to gain trust back or just keep doing my thing everyday.

yes. Stop talking about your marriage on a texting phone. Period. Save that for phone conversations and in person.

I feel like my life is ground hog day:

work, dinner, play with kids, kids to bed, guage W's mood, GAL or interact with her

rinse repeat.

On a positive note my company just put me on a HUGE project. This should help with staying busy during day.

[someguy1233]

I agree with 25. Unlock your phone. Stop texting about your M.

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[ThisDayForward]

Do I tell my W that I am no longer locking my phone because I do not like the environment it creates