Ok let me reply to this before following your suggestions about posting about me.
Qi Gong is meditation and moving your chi or life energy. It has really helped me on my ANXIETY. I have not taken ativan or lopraxam in over a month. So yes I will continue to do this because I truly believe in it. It is just deep breathing and energy moving techniques. Similar to YOGA or Tai Chi.
As far as txt goes. Yes I can prove OM are txting her because I see them come in on her phone. I CANT read context of txt but I can see who they are coming from. This is why she flips the phone over so I don't see who it is from. Which is so ridiculous because I can just quickly flip it over. To add another tier she will put her phone on vibrate so I don't even here the txt. Little does she realize if she wanted to she could shut off txt completely to splash screen on iphone if she wanted to.
As far as last time I confronted her I followed Mr. B's advice. Not throwing him under the bus. Just saying that is what he suggested. This is why I asked you to come back on board because it seems you guys bother offer very good advice and are veterans here of the board but have different styles and techniques. This is not validation I'm seeking. It's advice based on both of your experiences. Why re-invent the wheel if I don't need to. Thinking back that confrontation went over terrible. I should have acknowledged that indeed I'm am partly or mostly to blame on whey she FEELS the need to even hide her txt or phone.
Yes I can see your point on snooping. It hasn't helped my self esteem or anxiety at all. Just for the record sometimes her phone is flipped over right side up and I will in kitchen and txt will come in and it is right there for me to see. It is from the HS friend who tried to get with her while we were separated. She continues to txt him now. She told me over the summer that she didn't know what to do. That they have been friends since 14 years old and the night he tried to get with her he was extremely drunk. I told her that he had no respect for me and he was seekign his own needs and try to exploit someone who was vulnerable. She actually agreed but continues to txt him to date. I do not know the nature of the txts because I have no access to her phone. She bascially had an emotional affair with this guy and he felt that the connection they made venting about our bad marriage gave him right of passage to her.
"FOR THE RECORD when you said "another site suggested you test for the underwear"
^^^^ this underwear comment was not me. You must have me confused with another thread
I am 95% sure if I confront her again she will go on D rant. This is why I haven't although I find it extremely disrespectful. At this point she has not regards of my feelings and I can see why she decides to hide it based on our last confrontation. I would love to address it an adult manner someday. Basically saying I "understand" why the phone hiding has come this. Is there anyway we can resolve this and/or make you feel more comfortable and not have to hide incoming txt from me regardless of who it is from. I don't need to read them but just it is so unhealthy to have to hide them for you and for me etc.. Sorry just something i've been thinking about and would love to solve the problem as adults. Unfortunately I don't think she even wants to discuss this stuff right now.
Ok let me reply to this before following your suggestions about posting about me. --
As far as txt goes. Yes I can prove OM are txting her because I see them come in on her phone. I CANT read context of txt but I can see who they are coming from. This is why she flips the phone over so I don't see who it is from. Which is so ridiculous because I can just quickly flip it over. To add another tier she will put her phone on vibrate so I don't even here the txt. Little does she realize if she wanted to she could shut off txt completely to splash screen on iphone if she wanted to. since you know you cannot stop this, and you are not ready to leave b/c of it, what is the point of spending so much energy on it?
As far as last time I confronted her I followed Mr. B's advice. Not throwing him under the bus. Just saying that is what he suggested. This is why I asked you to come back on board because it seems you guys bother offer very good advice and are veterans here of the board but have different styles and techniques. This is not validation I'm seeking. It's advice based on both of your experiences. Why re-invent the wheel if I don't need to. Thinking back that confrontation went over terrible. I should have acknowledged that indeed I'm am partly or mostly to blame on whey she FEELS the need to even hide her txt or phone. A lot of what we say overlaps. Your confrontation went badly and imo, your behavior is THE reason (not partly or mostly) she feels the need to hide her phone. Period. Yes I can see your point on snooping. It hasn't helped my self esteem or anxiety at all. Take ^^^ this in...
Just for the record sometimes her phone is flipped over right side up and I will in kitchen and txt will come in and it is right there for me to see. No it's not there for YOU to see. It's there for your w to see. It's HER phone. I can count on one hand the times I've read my h's texts...from years ago. And I'm not proud of it. It's invasive and erodes trust.
Bottom line, If she finds an OM and loves him and wants to leave you for him, she'll let you know
You are looking for trouble... and that search creates trouble. So you will cause the very thing you fear the most, to happen....
It is from the HS friend who tried to get with her while we were separated. She continues to txt him now. She told me over the summer that she didn't know what to do. That they have been friends since 14 years old and the night he tried to get with her he was extremely drunk. So, wait...did he hit on her over a decade ago when he was drunk? OR recently when you were separated and she appeared to be available to date?
And She's known him a long time and he was drunk when he hit on her. So, How is THAT about you?
I told her that he had no respect for me and he was seekign his own needs and try to exploit someone who was vulnerable. She actually agreed I doubt she "agreed" w/you. My guess is that an old friend found her apparently available, and attractive AND he was drunk and made a pass. This is not about you. It's about him and to a lesser extent, her.
but continues to txt him to date. I do not know the nature of the txts because I have no access to her phone.
read this^^ again. You say she "text him to date...I DO NOT KNOW THE NATURE OF THE TEXTS b/c I have no access to her phone"...
so you have decided, without knowing, what the texts mean? You are mind reading, negatively, at her expense.
stop this. It gets you nowhere.
She bascially had an emotional affair with this guy and he felt that the connection they made venting about our bad marriage gave him right of passage to her. Nice negative spin on events...of course, it's negative and it's conjecture but hey, that never stopped you before.
"FOR THE RECORD when you said "another site suggested you test for the underwear"
^^^^ this underwear comment was not me. You must have me confused with another thread TRUE! I confused you with another h who obessess about his wife and OM instead of making the focus HIS OWN WORK...mea culpa
I am 95% sure if I confront her again she will go on D rant. This is why I haven't although I find it extremely disrespectful. then leave the area when she does it. And put the STOP SIGN in your mind so you don't stay on this idiotic loop...take the exit ramp. GAL.
Stop obsessing about something you are not sure is real and that you do not want to escalate. The more you GAL the less time you'll have for characterizing all this stuff so badly.
Read the DR book b/c it goes over this quite well....sometimes I think you really didn't read it.
At this point she has not regards of my feelings and I can see why she decides to hide it based on our last confrontation.
keep the focus on what YOU did and what you are GOING TO DO DIFFERENTLY and not on your mind reading. I would love to address it an adult manner someday.
that would be good.
Basically saying I "understand" why the phone hiding has come this. Is there anyway we can resolve this and/or make you feel more comfortable and not have to hide incoming txt from me regardless of who it is from. I don't need to read them but just it is so unhealthy to have to hide them for you and for me etc.. Sorry just something i've been thinking about and would love to solve the problem as adults. Unfortunately I don't think she even wants to discuss this stuff right now. you have the answer in front of you in your own words. Handle YOUR privacy issues by being an open book. Set an example...and let go of the rest b/c you cannot control it anyhow....
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Right. So like I said, you already confronted her. I don't know why you keep asking if you should confront...AGAIN?
Just unlock your phone to and be the one to start the trust. If she goes apesh*t over any messages, etc. Look her in the eye and tell her that you trust her which is why your phone isn't unlocked, however if she has any questions, then she is to talk to you about it in the same respect you've shown her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
To answer your question. It was when we were separated. Her long time friend from HS was drunk and made a pass at her.
25year how long do you stay in limbo without talking about anything. Remember we were separated for 6 months. I came home. It went bad after 2 months. We have been in separate bedrooms since July now and have not talked about R stuff at all.
We went away as family end of October (vacation). We came home. Same weekend she went out til 130 in the morning no rings on. (Friday) Sunday she asked for D again (Nov 2nd) I did not engauge in it. No talks of D since Nov 2. That is actually a record lol.
I am going to start being open with phone now that I am stronger with my anxiety and don't feel the need to call her MIL or txt people about our issues. If I have hard day I now call my mother or brother and talk in person.
"Just unlock your phone to and be the one to start the trust. If she goes apesh*t over any messages, etc. Look her in the eye and tell her that you trust her which is why your phone isn't unlocked, however if she has any questions, then she is to talk to you about it in the same respect you've shown her."
