Cat posted that wisdom rarely comes from logic.....I am an understander too. I figure if I could just understand, then I could fix....I'm gonna have to let go of that and when I do, I will be on the right path.
Just not sure where to begin.
Thats a tough nut to crack. The whole trying to figure it out thing. I'm going with you can't figure out crazy lol. How do we stop trying to figure it out?!?! People can tell us al sorts of things and it is nice to read it but our hearts have to really get it. I think it comes from people loving us and telling us the things we really do not want to hear and time for our hearts to transform. I think this is why GAl is so important. We need to force our brains in a different direction, on other things and eventually our heart will follow.
I am walking right beside you RT and it is not a pleasant journey, but one we must make.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Subguy. We will walk together and whack each other when we start the whole"omg what did that mean" thing. Lol!! I texted my h to come for coffee this morn. No reply. Of course we had big email fest emotional etc then he withdrew completely after a couple flirty texts. Big mistake but a learning curve for me.
He never replied about coffee so I emailed and blew my nc goal for today and asked if he was mad again since he is not communicating. He came clean and said he was not comfortable in the house and doesn't want to give kids wrong impression until he talks with them.
I truly believe I am back to beginning and must now put all aspects of db in play because I haven't been. I start now
Emailed about kids and schedule for Christmas. Nothing except kids and schedule. Phew
You know how grateful I have been for your help and support.
Now it is time for me to help you.
Ruby, "Spin Cycle" is a great name for this thread. Because I see you completely spinning out of control. You are posting, posting, posting... and I know it's therapeutic, I have done it.
But please... just STOP. Just STOP. Breathe. Pause. Look around you. Stop worrying about H and OW and checking his FB and texting and emailing and thinking about coffee, drinks, or anything like that. You are out of control right now.
If it's possible, and I know it may not be, could you go "off the grid" for a few days? Somewhere remote with no TV, no phone, no internet = no distractions? And just BE? I think that would be good for your soul Ruby.
You are very caught up in all of this - all the minutiae - and it's not good for you Ruby. I want to see you calm, I want to see you "resetting" and truly dropping the rope with H.
As I have said on my own thread, I have started to read a book called "Why Talking Is Not Enough: Eight Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage" by Susan Page. It is very in line with DB principles but adds a spiritual element. If you can pick up a copy of this book, I'd recommend it. It might help you get to a point where you are truly at peace. And that is what I want for you.
big hugs Ruby!
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Okay guys...keep me strong. Last email was sent about work, kids schedule. D saw H at friends place so I pulled in. He was with two other friends at house. D talked, I talked with friends, never got out of car. Was chatty, fun, pleasant, and a general delight. Said we had to go I worked tonight. Tonight? H says I say " yes a party for the rugby boys"
He knew this cuz he was coming to talk and have a drink tonight. He said I have to cancel I have a dinner. The fact he is at friends kind of caught him in that lie.
So;
He is clearly uncomfortable with the emails last week and thinks I put hope in them. I know you all told me, keep hitting me with the stick.
He is still lying after I said it is a killer for me. I know, nothing of what they say.
Off grid? No. Off fb and email ( the one he contacts me on? ). Yes for two days to start.
It is truly the spin cycle and I know it. His relationship is out in the open but kids don't know. I am sure she has been out here and stayed at SIL since SIL asked Ow to help out at event tomorrow. OW is busy, or kind. One of the two. H says busy. Don't ask about that convo it was work related since we both help out sil.
Okay, will get the book Regretful and read it.
Heaven help me....my adrenaline finally ran out lol! You know when you are in crisis mode and you just do? My body has realized what it thought is crisis mode will be normal mode until further notice and has said " oh, well, you really don't need the adrenaline and extra serotonin and has shut that down lol!
Don't worry, had excellent GAL today. Don't mind telling everyone my H left me and am doing all the things I wanted to try okay, not everyone, but it makes it easier for me to accept switch too. D looked at me today and said" you know mom? You're really pretty". That was just before we saw H and stopped and he looked not that pretty. So is good!
Sounds good guys..H came by where I was working and I was in other part of bar so it was easy to ignore him. Talked at him twice, both initiated by him, very pleasant otherwise ignored him.
Okay, is it just me or is it very wrong that SIL asked H to ask his GF to come and help at work since she is short staffed tomorrow ? She lives an hour away and this tells me that soil has known about gf for longtime and even perhaps had her sleep there with H.
All the while maintaining a sympathetic we are sisters vibe with me. Wtf. I have said no to his family Xmas party next week and he will take kids. I wonder if he came by to ask if he could introduce kids next week to gf. That is my fear. I will say no. He may have been gone for years but to us he has been gone 9 weeks exactly. While S knows D does not and I certainly hope he does not pick an Xmas event to do this.
I don't think i know him anymore at all. I certainly don't know sil! I think that was quite rude and a bit low class. Anyway, off to bed, had fun flirted am very tired. And sick lol!
NC H., he sent email concerning dinner at sisters next Sat. Short and sweet. will reply later
Deleted Facebook. Stay this way for a week
Turned of mail notification from main mail on cell. That way I have no email from H. No email on cell for week. Stop looking, must actually go to computer
Told SIL not working today, an sick (actually am).
Telling D to password protect her phone (so I cant look)
okay, not everyone, but it makes it easier for me to accept switch too. D looked at me today and said" you know mom? You're really pretty". That was just before we saw H and stopped and he looked not that pretty. So is good!