My friends are saying similar things about my H. I know how you feel.
Also, he might "look happy" on FB, but who knows the truth. Everyone thinks I'm the happiest person on Earth when they see my FB pictures/posts, but they have no idea of how much I've suffered. The ones who know about my sitch think I've successfully moved on. So don't worry about this.
I agree that you must focus on taking care of yourself--not only now, but always.
Hello?!?! Ruby! Come on - you need to fill us in!!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Still hung over but at ski hill for D, H was supposed to be here today but went back to city, since he would have had to ski and I can just sit here...
So, yesterday, H and I both at ski hill, all mutual friends very chilly and unreceptive to him, so he didn't stick around. Saw his car at SIL bar and texted "buy me a drink?" Drank a lot, for me lol. Talked for 12 hours. Talked about how hurt he was that all our friends gave him a nasty reception. I said I told the truth but never maligned him, that he was done and I was not. He said then they are misinterpreting what you are saying. I also said that it killed me but I saw pics and he looked happier than I have seen him in years and I couldn't be angry or bitter because he left and I loved him still.
He said he was not coming back to this ski hill next year and would ski at another hill and start new with another spouse and set of friends ( I let that one go )
We talked about our crappy sex life for the past six or seven years. How we both stopped trying and how I made him feel unappreciated and small. That sex a couple of times a week and a clean house and he would still be here. I apologized over and over, validated his feelings, vented a few of mine. He said I need an intellectual and I said he was one. He thought I was either gay or already having an A by the time he left. Both not true lol. Said I had no interest in vaginas : p
Went to my place, and he found a journal that I started at the beginning of our S when he left. I let him read it..I was not kind to him or myself in it. I let him read a more recent entry in a different book, which really reflects the place I am now, as you guys have been watching this journey, you know I have travelled down the road a bit more, to forgiveness.
I said I loved him and I would wait, but I could not guarantee how long, because you must not remain where you are, no matter how much you want everything back. He is full of pain and tired to the bone. He said a couple things about GF ( like I had about as much sympathy for him as she did). A little sorry for himself.
He is emotionally and mentally exhausted and I helped to put him in this place, I could do nothing except apologize and let him know I had his back, no matter what. He counted me, his sister and a friend of his as the only people who did.
He said I never told him he was beautiful, or handsome and I said that I loved him because he made me laugh. That hurt him, all these years, but I told him what a gift it was, because I had some dark places and laughter was such a gift, it is one of the things that attracts me to someone.
I cracked up at something and he said he hadn't seen me laugh like that in such a long time.
At the house, I kissed him and he returned the favour...heavy make out session and he said why didn't you do this years ago. I said I am sorry. I would have gone further than the petting make out session but he stopped me and said that he was not at that place yet and neither was I.
One hour sleep, him on couch me upstairs. Come back down and he said that was a good talk. Then said what about the other stuff. I said it was because I loved him and a lot of wine
He asks me to please gain weight. I said I am working on it, but I can only promise I will not lose more. We hug and kiss goodbye
I text him and say " you are a god and look amazing". Can I take money out of joint account and if I can't, my first statement still stands.
He says "I am glad we spent 14 hours talking I am glad we aired everything. I am glad we can move forward and talk
I say, me too.
He says, I am glad we can start to rebuild our friendship.
Next time, he says, we need to talk for fourteen hours, no alcohol.
I said I was just about to say same thing.
We agreed no more emails, texts, more conversations on phone and in person. To talk about kids once a week, for sure, and that we are worried about D and her need to please everyone.
We talked about finances and how it seemed I only wanted him for paycheck. Again I apologized, said no.
Wow. How much damage I caused. He has admitted to some, but everything still squarely in my court, and I accepted it. I told him I almost broke, when I found out he lied and had GF but I found a small tensile thread of steel and realized that I was stronger than I had ever imagined. That that was a changing in how I viewed things and people and myself.
So, wherever this goes, this story has yet to be written. I do not know how this will proceed, but I have a little hope. Hope of friendship at the very least. I will continue all my activities. Continue my path because it is a good one for me.
The great thing is after 19 years, we know all each others erogenous zones lmao.
I also found out that he is solo New Year's Eve. Our friends here basically said they were uncomfortable with his presence. So I said I am stopping saying anything to anyone anymore, and he said he is doing the same.
I really wanted to say, it is because you got a girlfriend two weeks after leaving, but although I have been fairly open ( no deets) about lack of intimacy as a problem and why he left, I really don't think he said to anyone that he wasn't getting anything at home, so to get some after such a long time was a good thing lol. Kind of him, really. He could have totally made a sympathy bid. But it is also the fact that this woman is known to our mutual friends and used to be the spouse of another friend, so....they aren't so good with it.
That is it. As I said, there is hope, but for what kind of R I am uncertain. Lets start rebuilding the trust and friendship first.a
That is great Ruby. I am happy that you have been able to have auc an honest and open talk. It can only be positive i think :-)
Keep on your path... Keep doing what you are doing. You are amazingly strong and I admire you.
((((((()))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
