Thanks for posting this again - I sent it to one or two people who were concerned about my h just post bomb, and it was a light bulb moment for them.
My h actually added a new line to the script too: accordig to him, apparently my father 'made' him marry me. Since my dad is dead he cannot defend himself, but the thought of my forward thinking feminist father arranging a marriage for his daughter, who he encouraged to have a career and independent life, is just ludicrous. Their 'truth' is a lie from beginning to end.
I wish I could let my H read it. I highlighted everything he did and said so far, its funny because they mostly are the Exact Same Words!
He is a scientist so I just don't know how he will take it. Once we are out of the woods I promise myself we will read this and have a good laugh.
I always say we are really conditioned to behave accordingly, and am I so glad to have stumbled into MWD's methods. There is a method to this madness!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I laugh every time I read that. It's a good effort to put humor on such a thing.
One thing to add: After moving out and leaving everything behind, continue to lie and blame the LBS for everything. Drag OM into it if you can. And, if possible, move back into the same neighborhood to really drive LBS to the edge. If they still care, but whatever you do try not to lose the ability to lie and manipulate and above all control LBS. Use the kids if you have to.
Funny stuff. Happens though, so we deal with it. Detaching works very well for this because you can't stop the crazy train - just get off it.
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ, check out my new thread if you can. Still have my days, but I am doing well.
Take care.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
This was a very accurate description of the past 3 years of my life.
Too bad for all the LBS's because it is so much of a one sided effort with the "Reward" continually being further betrayed and rejected.
I feel pathetic for allowing myself to be manipulated for so long and trying finally to detach after she moved out 7 3/4 months ago and find how i still get triggered so frequently.
The only other article i ever read that hits the nail on the head so precisely, is "Demonizing Your Mate", on a former, now offline blog by someone named BeerLove.
So sad that this has to be our own Hell of a reality.
Ef
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
I am in complete shock after reading this. I had labeled my H as an MLCer. But that was just what I was using it to define to myself what was happening. After reading this, I'm wondering if thre really is a class for it and when do all of our spouses have time to attend. My H must be getting an A in his...
I, too, wish I could hand this to him and say, "look at yourself!!!", but it wouldn't do any good...
Thanks for posting this, I wish I would have read these stickies sooner.
