My kids from first marriage are 14 and 12. They live with my ex-wife and I see them every other weekend. My first marriage ended due to infidelity by my wife. At the time, I wanted to save it even after discovered the affair that lasted months. I am a pacifist actually, and my outburst that pushed my current wife out the door has never occurred before. It was startling to her I am sure knowing the type of person that I am. I am a very patient person, but seeing my wife detach emotionally the last 2 months or so, and my own need for connecting with her caused my stress level to reach a boiling point. I am not currently attending any counseling, but it is something I have looked at doing. My wife agreed to try counseling before my outburst, but at this point I am not really sure if she wants to pursue that. I have been reading Divorce Busting/Divorce Remedy. I have completely changed my eating habits, am working out daily, I am getting out and socializing with my family as much as possible, and have been reading books on communication in marriage. I have been giving my wife the time and space that she asked for before I threw my tantrum, and only reply to her texts/emails. I am being considerate of her emotions, making sure to focus on what she says to me in her texts, and not hinting or mentioning anything about our marriage. I am staying as upbeat as possible, and trying to focus on my own independence at this time. I have typically been a needy husband, and relied on her to take care of things. I have definitely learned to fend for myself in the last 3 weeks.
This I have typically been a needy husband, and relied on her to take care of things. is a huge insight. Work on that. You might want to add Codependent No More to your reading list.
Do you think your neediness was a factor in your first marriage? If so, it's really an issue you want to conquer.
I don't think you should go to C with your W. You're doing the right thing in leaving her to figure out what she wants. You need to figure out you and better ways to handle stress. ADs are good for helping you settle your mind so you can work on you. Is your prescriber following up with you?
Don't fall into the trap of wanting her to see how much you've changed, let this unfold as it will. She will contact you if and when she wants to see if you've changed.
Your GAL is good. Try adding something completely new with new people who don't know your W. It makes a big difference in how you see yourself.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I have been on Lexapro for 2 weeks now, and it seems to be helping me pretty well. I am still struggling sometimes with wanting to reach out to my wife since we are living in different homes at this point. I don't want her to think that I am giving up or that I am not thinking of her. Do I just stay dark/dim and not contact whatsoever or would you guys recommend texting every once in a while or even sending a card?
Wife texted me this morning to say that she was going by our bank at lunch to deposit money into my account, and to pay the utility bills. She then told me to have a good day. I have not replied yet, but its the first text from from her in over a week.
Hello Neverlight Ive been keeping up with your story and I think i can honestly say we are all with you with your Sitch stay strong mate.
I'm at a stage similar where I don't here from W anymore and only see her when I pick kids up. I don't here from W from one week to the next and really find it hard to not text her 'anything' just so I can raise my hopes of a positive reply. I know she is always out drinking with friends at the W/E and I know W has attracted OM which is ripping me apart and its because of this Sitch why I want to remind her I'm still there!
I'll try and end on a positive! I joined Meetup.com this week and was surprised to see all the different types of Meetups there are. Maybe give this a go and try and meet people outside of your circle, spread your wings so to speak!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
I wanted to say more, but I just said "Thank you.". She responded with " No problem". I fought the urge to say that if she ever wanted to talk or meet up for something casual that I wouldn't mind. I am proud for not caving in at this point.
My wife called me for the first time since she moved out. She was checking up on my daughter who had a fever yesterday, and we had a pleasant little 5 minute chat. I asked how she was doing in school, and showed interest in everything she talked about. We even joked back and forth a little during the conversation. I felt good with the way things went, and ended the conversation first wishing her a good weekend.
Please do not think that pulling back from your W will cause her to believe you've given up on the M. WAW don't thnk that way. In fact, it would be good if you got out and developed a social life outside of family members. You sound too emotionally dependent on your W . How long we're you D from previous M until you started this M?
Don't reach out to her. Don't show neediness b/c that is not attractive to women and especially not a WAW.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was single for a year and a half before I started dating my current wife. We dated for 4 years before we got married, and have been married for 3 years now. I definitely do not want to appear needy to her, and I have been working on developing a social life outside of family.
