Get the plug ins for the room. You don't want your furniture and carpeting taking on the funky smell.
I think you are doing great.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My C said h has become indifferent, but isn't that how am now becoming toward H?
i have been told not to listen to his spew, and go by his actions. Well, his actions are confusing, and at times contradicting. When his mom left he went into cleanup mode collecting all the small cans from the rooms to dump into one large one and set the garbage out to the curb. He cleaned the counters, and picked up the living rm.
He still comes home everyday, shows up to the very house he "asks" to be released from. Works, and searches for side jobs for the extras as he always has, and actually spending less when he's at work sacrificing lunch to save money. And, today asking me if the stereo was to loud and seeking me out to tell me he found the band he was looking for.
I'm a bit sick of the confusion today as he's home, again, doing nothing and I/we are struggling through something as a family. We're whispering , hiding, and I would really have loved my h around to deal with this serious matter.
I'm going to call me aunt, she's become mom, dad, and h to me these days. Thanks for listening everyone! I can't say how much I need and appreciate your attention!
Oxoxox dm
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I'm starting to look back some time and compare things to today and I'm realizing I see a pattern. Whenever H has vented, really vented out all his spew, he seems to be different.
Those are the days he becomes more sociable, not so depressing and stuck sleeping or sitting. It's like he has released some anxiously! He calls it using the anger to motivate him to get off the couch!
Since my MIL came he's been active, playing guitar, computer games, and this morning he's making a vat of oatmeal for the family. He's trying to joke with me and I swear he was laughing about flirting with me over and old joke, and he's showered!
I'm not falling into any of his personality traps....I dont really have any interest in his temp need to be human, I've been done this road, it's a dead end!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
wierd - the pattern thing. i have to say- that the very very few times h and i have "gotten into it" about this junk- it doesn't really accomplish anything i admit- but i do feel "heard" and better some how to have had communications of any kind - even bad- better than nothin. maybe like kids - want attention and if they can't get good attention- they'll take bad - anything to be center of attention. OH GOD - SAYING THAT OUT LOUD T OYOU- could this be what is going on with my H? something as simple as this? (well, still very complicated- but simple too?) .
is it possible your h is having something like that going on? maybe he's soooooo needy to be heard and feel like "he matters" - I DON'T Know a darn thing about depression - whether something like this could trigger or prolong it- but anyway- just a thought.
as a mere human- i've been ranting my stupid head off for a week now- i am sooooooooo DONE WITH ALL THIS mother crap and my sisters and teh pain in the neck of interaction and feeling responsible- i could see myself jujping off some edge here because i'm so damn done. i see it- doesn't mean i can stop it or cure it- i just rant and rant and make myself sick (along with everyone else i'm pretty sure) oity
i bet you feel like that too- maybe we're catching what they've got? all this psycho stuff drives me nuts as well- trying to understand til you crack into a million peices yourself.
good for you to notice (maybe he needed to tell his family and mother? something wierd there?) but also good for you to keep it in perspective. my h is nicer after he's awful too- i guess every single human being - ncie, not, sane, insane - needs to feel heard. it's all i can figure-
i wonder if it plays into his "getting better" in the end? once when my sister had a truly psychotic breakdown (and schizophrenia) shelived with my mom for a year- totally trashed mom the whole time- (her husband left her & she really loved that guy) but point is , she ranted like crazy about mymother for a year in that save environment of mom's house- and got functioning again. don'w know?
just checking in and hope you're doing okay. h comes back today- feel icky about it- glad he'll help participate with my mom tho- nobody else really does. i need a break of guilt & obligation here.
you're sounding togethr and philosophical. i hope your aunt can help you and your situation can be positively resolved. good luck with it.
hope your day goes well- i have trouble coming to forum when he's around because my computer screen faces the door and i do not like him walking in behind me. i can see (put a mirror on the wall - but i don't like switching screen etc. - it's so cheesy
soooooo HIM. I refuse to act like him - never ever ever will I (i hope) in this lifetime - - too hurtful to others. i hope i stick to this. i hope i always will realize it and keep treating people as i'd wish to be treated - i'm aiming high but wouldn't want to take a chance of being what i criticize - least i can do huH? so maybe this new re-resolve is part of the "good news" about this db - mlc junk? we hope there is in fact some good to all this miserable-ness.
nero, You have mentioned that your computer screen faces the door...have you given any thought to moving your furniture and computer around? I'm just tossing a thought out to you to think about here.
You can't see it now, but I haven't met one person who hasn't had something good come out of all of this mlc horror. For the lbs, we become stronger, more independent, wiser, compassionate and yes...learn to have more patience.
Just be yourself...if you think you need to make changes within you, then do so and practice those changes each and every day until they become permanent. You are going to be fine, but it's going to take some time to get to that point.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My S21 and his long time college girlfriend made a baby! It was just an act of nature over science! We live in a small community where they are well known and I have a limited time before we have to tell H.
Ok, so how do I tell this man who does not resemble my H, their F, or even want to be in our lives that he is going to be a grandfather - the very thing (besides getting old) that he is adamant about not facing.
I do not want to give him any attention about this if he has even the hint of spew or negativity. My efforts are for my S who is not very happy about the sitch but is taking it in day by day.
I am ready to have him take his big mouth (anticipating) and leave my home instantly, he is not my priority, this is not about him, and he will not come in and turn this into another reasons why he should be even more mad we don’t have the house we were building.
How do I tell him, do I maybe not tell him and have S do it? Do we sit together maybe and tell him? I wonder if this is why S21 tried to talk to H and offer his help, maybe he really knew he was going to need his F.
Though none of us imagine things can happen to them, I will not diminish the fact that this is a life, a life that will come into this world loved. My H loved God and is now at odds with Him, I can only pray HE will carry H through this!
Any thoughts!
ps, it really doesn't make it any easier know that he has not come home from work this morning, and is with ea helping her w/her life!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn, Here is my two cents. Your son is a grown man at the age of 21. I would arrange a little sit down w/your alien and have your son tell him w/you there for support. The reason that I am saying your son tell him is because it is his news to share. and your alien might take it better coming from your son.
How your alien takes it will be very interesting. He may spew and lecture your son, but I think your son is man enough to tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine. If your alien doesn't like it, he as the option to either shut up or leave.
Please advise your son that he not be able to rely on his father for support right now because of him having to deal w/his own issues, but that you will be there to support him and the baby as much as possible.
Good luck and I'll be praying for you. Pray to God and ask for guidance on how to broach this subject w/your alien. I would also suggest your son pray as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I would ask your son what HE wants. If he prefers you to tell H, I would do that - heck, we moms need to buffer our kids from the crazy H's. If you think your H is going to go off on son, well, he doesn't really need that right now, does he?
If son wants to tell H himself, then offer your support - if he wants you there, fine, if not, fine. Just remind him that H's response is likely to have more to do with how messed up H is, and little to do with son.
