i think c might be rite that you need to look into the legal aspect of either becoming his guardian or his signing over to you his right(s) to whatever? i'm thinking as it stands you and he are probably joint owners of everything you both own - so not that big a deal since anyone will deal with you as well as him (like home - as half owner?) check it out tho- there should be websites spelling out spousal rights.
if he's got any accounts, etc in his name only- you may want to get him to sign something that just gives you equal rights to act instead of him, as his representative, whatever.
like a power of attorney. you can probably find one on line- the basic form- gives you rights to act on his behalf if anything "should happen" to him- do banking, make decisions, etc. also- you might want him to do a document appointing you his health care surrogate.
it can be some form you find on line- i'm sure they're out there and if he's amenable- you should do it sooner rather than later.
it just essentially says he, joe blow from idaho, appoints you, jane wyman< as his personal health care surrogate this ___ day of _____. 2013 - i could probably send you the guts of ours here innj -fl - it's simple simple stuff- but could make a big difference to have.
signed by him with his name spelled out in printing under his signature line. a
and then witnessed by someone- usually neutral people like a bouple folks at the bank- notarized is nice too. it may not be necessary in your state - look on line for the guidelines
the power of attorney should probably be notarized - can walk into your bank and they'll do for anyone (at least in nj)
these forms will just smooth your way. with the power of attorney i can find out stuff from my mom's bank (i filed a copy with them- probably a good idea for you too) i can fiddle with her accounts as well. maybe insurance as well.
i'm her healthcare surrogate - gil and i signed them in favor of each other. just so they know who gets to decide what. never know if his family will show up & give you a hassle.- you can make decisions regarding his care -
also she did a directive- i did too, whether to hook to life support, etc. whether you want food or water or just let you go. that sort of thing.
if you don't have this junk - and he's a friendly three year old- maybe get these signed and done. you don't need an attorney really- more expense- they're simple forms but can make it easier on you - hospitals and health care providers are a pain in the butt. i could never get help for my sister (well, could have baker acted her (2 or three people i think saying she's adanger to others or herself) - but otherwise she n3eeded to ask for help herself or they would not give it (unless she was unconscious?!!! go figure).
okay- poor little you. i cannot imagine where the heck he is headed with this regression? dose your counselor volunteer what he thinks is going on? some specific syndrome or someting?? i know, what does a name do- but could enable you to look it up or something.
you probably may have a state run mental health agency- that might (in nj they will actually come fetch person if you say they are a damger to themselves or others) (like my sister and the not eating endangering her own health) - here they wll come with police and force the person to come with and be assessed. with or without her consent or request for help).
perhaps you have something like that in your state that might help you- phone around- if you haven't already done all this.
i'm glad you've got adult children around for a support group.
i don't mean to be all bossy- it's just a problem getting proper care for someone- and it's a headache to be the guy watching over them without proper paperwork to say you're the one. (tho, mind you, in my several hospitalizations, etc with sister and mom- the drs dealt with me and accepted my authority - i don't even think i had signed papers- i just happened to be person there. tho one snotty nurse refused to anser my question- patient privacy. i wanted to clock her)
mom kind of was "saved" a couple times with rush to hospital- my sister i failed to save her from alcoholism- so i'm no expert here- seat of the pants i think with health crises)
just precautions if you think he's getting seriously scary or headed for a breakdown or something.
oh gosh- good luck with this. i am so sorry to hear you go thru it-
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I'm going to stick with being myself which is kind to him if he approaches me, and stay the heck away otherwise.
i think this is all you can do- be kind and caring becasue it is who you are. he doesn't know who he is - no one does....
good luck - i'll be checking in and watching. thinking about you- hoping it somehow turns out okay- xxoo (((( ))))
really call around and find out if you've got something like nj with the thing of a mental health expert will come to you and fetch him if he needs that. it was my ace in the hole- i got talked out of it by mom and h - but i'm kind of sorry now i didn't just do it. oh well huh? 20 - 20 hindsignt for me. it's a hard call to make for someone else.
Thanks, Nero this was informative. I am going to look into Baker Act. The bank and credit is all in my name as well, he has nothing separate except 401k and I have permission already given by him to them for my involvement.
I though with all the medical being married was enough, I know that doesn't cover DNR but they could ask him to sign that if he was admitted. I pray every day now that today's the day he collapse's or is picked up and taken for evaluation. He's starting to get scary!
The dep is eating away all is muscle tone and making his body very painful. HE is in constant pain, and the mental damage is showing as well - memory loss is growing as well as confusion which is very rapid.
I actually think he's shrinking, today at the coffee pot I saw his head hang so far down I think he could touch his chin to his chest. For being 5'9 he is almost looking at me directly in the eye, I'm 5'5''. He's draggin his body through the house like a ball and chain.
Can one pray for someone to fall so far down that they finally get the medical attention they need? I don't feel guilty! I feel like it may save his life, I don't want him to be that guy my kids pass under a bridge in the city after a summer concert sleeping on a box.
Their friend was on a bus in the city and when a bumb sat next to her smelly and asking for change the only thing that was going through her head was, I hope my father ( aka bumb) doesn't recognized me.
Im going to stick with my pray for help, no matter how it comes!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
It's actually crazy how right now I'm in the kitchen fighting off an auto-response to give my H some of my homemade cooking. I don't like him nor am I looking for anything from him, but I have to make this ''effort'' to not be myself.
Maybe I need my own dog or something that needs alot of attention!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
it does sound scary in dawn-land. i hope for you all tht something happens soon and that it's a way to get him the help he needs. i cannot imagine.
poor little you - watching poor ole him- has to be painful for everyone. it's amazing - isn't it? howmany people someone "takes out" with them when they go?
it's never just a matter of what you do to yourself- there are always those who care about you to consider. well- hopefully consider.
i think baker act is a way- might be either two or three family members saying you are threat to self or others.
my understnading is that threat to self- could be covered with something like not eating as well as something like threatening to kill self.
that is what i was told when i thought of calling the state agency that would come and get my sister and assessher. i was surprised, thought it was only suicide threat.
anyway - yikes. i'd still say be you. i try and stop being me when it comes to things like talking too much or jumping in to defend myself or something i'd like to just control for me.
when it comes to the "essential me" if its something like kindness or showing concern- i just don't seem to really want to be a different person. your call- good luck - it sounds like such an impossible situation- i know the feeling of watching someone "do themselves in" - it's like a slow train wreck and you see it coming- but are powerless to stop it.
sos w/ me. i managed to NOT say "YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WITH ME- SO DON'T TELL ME HOW TO ARRANGE MY STINKING CABINETS when you condescent to show up for awhile" this morning- yay me. what a nutball- like i care whether he's inconvenienced once a week when he changes the garbage bag. i can't get over this jerk thinking that alllll the things i've done for years and years and years - when i worked and when i don't - over and over; all of a sudden he does and now it's important to have everything just so.
he's been a dirtball forever- crumbs everywhere- has never wiped off the stove top in his entire life- and yet- he's got his little prissy ways i'm suppos3d to "respect" ???
oh well- managed to stfu - it all passed on by. he gripes about his father being prissy- well, guess what dearie????
does anyone ever ever ever see themselves??? does anyone ever look?
we wonder.
good luck- my crap is minor compared to yours. i'm sending up little prayers for your strength in dealing with this- and hope it all unfolds in not too hair-raising of a manner.
xxoo ((( ))) hang in there. i get a bit freaked by the health issues and life of other person bit- (that's just me.) you sound pretty calm- and incontrol - so good for you. i'm outta here
