Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
No she comes back valentines day morning. So she has spent last saturday night with me, the first time in almost 3 months, and now she is commg home for valentines.
Did some snooping today (I know it's wrong) and found out OM lost his job. So now they are both unemployed and he is wracking up a ton of student debt and back child support for his two kids. =). This just gets better and better.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Also from snooping, I saw a text conversation she was having with a friend of hers. The guy friend is venting that his wife only let's him have sex with her once a month. My W says wow once or twice a week wasn't even for me with H. Then she tells him he should go to MC with her before losing hope and that she thinks she should have done that and that it probably would have saved our marriage.
So admitting there is or at least was a solution?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
My suggestion is to do nothing from you. But let the vets chime in.
We can't mind read as to what she is thinking, why she messages you...but again, she is cake eating. You are plan B.
All I plan to do is have kids make him a card like I always do. Nothing from me this year.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
SM I'm not coming down hard on you in regards to patience I'm just reminding to be patient so as not to pressure her. As for the messaging why wouldn't she? You are giving her the best of both worlds. She is sleeping with OM and you are just providing her with a roof over her head and food to eat and she doesn't meet any of your needs.
As far as Valentines Day goes I wouldn't get her anything or even acknowledge it especially since she sleeps with OM. It doesn't speak well of you to give her a gift it shows you as weak and needy.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
I thought so. No gift for her. The unemployed OM can get her something.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
SM I meant to tell you that getting her a gift would be pressuring her. My W's birthday is 12/23. When she said to me ILYBINILWY in 2011 I still went and bought her birthday and Christmas gifts and guess what. She told me that she felt like I was trying to buy her love and I have to say that really hurt. When Valentines Day came in 2012 I did not even acknowledge it and when my birthday passed in Oct of 2012 my W did not get me a card or a present so when her birthday came I did the same.
SO as you can see from experience it really is true when MWD says not to buy a WAW gifts.
Why are you snooping SM? Do you see what it is doing to you? You are trying to mind read her. I hate to say this but I think it sounds like she has given up hope because the key words are "could have saved" your M. Right now she is most likely done with you but since she is cake eating BIG TIME it's no wonder she is friendly and cordial to you. Think about this SM, here is your W who gave you a BD and you know she is sleeping with another man yet she is still in the house with no job and with you providing her with a roof over her head, food to eat, health insurance etc. I could go on and on but yet at the same time she does not have to meet any of your needs emotionally or physically and you are doing nothing about it and she is loving every second of it because she is not being held accountable for her actions.
IMHO your W will not come to any decision on her own it's probably going to take her losing you to wake up and that is not a given that she will even want to come back to you. I know you feel she wants to come back to you but I'm telling you that at this time she doesn't. Only you SM can determine when you are truly ready to move on without her. I can tell you what I would do if I was in your sitch and I would tell her that since she wants to carry on an A that she must leave the house. I'm not telling you that that is what YOU should do because I understand how you want her to be around to see your changes but I think with her cake eating it portrays you as a doormat.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
This is always a tough question, and you'll get varying responses so in the end you'll have to decide for yourself. Most will say just to ignore the day, but in my opinion it depends on the sitch. Your W is not pushing away from you like most WAS's do, so she may be expecting something (especially given her excited response to your question). My W had a bday after BD but before she moved out, and initially I was going to ignore it but in the end it just seemed like a really cold thing to do so I did have a small party for her and got her some gifts. I didn't spend nearly as much on her gifts as I have in years past though. So it was sort of "bday lite". After she moved out we had our 20 year anniversary and gifts seemed really inappropriate for that since she had just left, so in that case I called her and asked her what she thought we should do. Her response was "I don't know, it's just all so wierd." So I said "Why don't we just go out to dinner, it's not so much to celebrate the anniversary as to just acknowledge it." And that's what we did. Then at Christmas I contacted her and told her I just wanted to verify that we were just getting stuff for the kids and not for each other, but to my surprise she DID want to exchange gifts. So then I had to do some last-minute shopping, LOL! I guess what I'm saying is try not to mind-read what you think your W wants and just ask her. Say something like "given our situation I'm not sure how to approach V Day, do you want to exchange gifts, or maybe just go out to dinner, or do nothing at all?"
SM I'm not coming down hard on you in regards to patience I'm just reminding to be patient so as not to pressure her. As for the messaging why wouldn't she? You are giving her the best of both worlds. She is sleeping with OM and you are just providing her with a roof over her head and food to eat and she doesn't meet any of your needs.
As far as Valentines Day goes I wouldn't get her anything or even acknowledge it especially since she sleeps with OM. It doesn't speak well of you to give her a gift it shows you as weak and needy.
