I'm reading this. I know it's difficult when it seems like nobody is replying to your posts. Hang in there. I can relate in struggling with the difficulty in detaching. The line between hope and expectations is a difficult one to walk.
What are you doing to GAL? (STOP SNOOPING. I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT IT WILL NOT HELP.)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
(The following is just for thought as I ask for your opinions/experience.)
My IC thinks I should try an AD medication. I have always been leery of medicine...all kinds. I don't even like to take ibuprofen or acetaminophen if I have a headache. I figure that most medicine is just masking some other issue that needs to be addressed. In my headache example, maybe I am dehydrated, or have gotten too much sun, or got smacked in the head by a golf club. So medicine is okay as long as it isn't masking another problem that fails to go addressed. Know what I mean? If I got hit with a golf club, then okay, but maybe I just need to drink some more water, suck it up, and not make that mistake again.
Anyway, I've had more than enough time periods where I have gone through depression that I can easily recognize it myself and the thought of less volatile emotional states and stress is rather appealing, but am I crazy to not want to mask this pain and experience? It has been a stimulus to growth that I NEEDED to go through. It has been a reminder of perspective and priorities. Do I really need a pill and am I okay with taking it to "feel better"?
I realize I am an over-thinker, but part of this process has been to be brutally honest with myself. I have hit the lowest of lows several times throughout this ordeal and it has been terrible. But in a way, it was those lowest of lows where I found out what I was really made of. And I don't mean to channel my inner Hank Hill, but "I'll tell you what": I am proud of who that person is now. And that's more than I could say 16 months ago.
The IC says if dosed properly, the medicine will just make the severe lows less low...like how I feel on days that I now call my new "normal." "Normal" sad that I am getting divorced, don't see my daughters every night, etc. Not the "I feel like I am being crushed by an insurmountable weight and every day feels like a week" kind of sad.
I can guess as to what some of your responses might be, but that would be mind reading and a habit I don't want to fertilize in the garden of my mind.
Good day! -PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
(I have to run at the moment and will answer that GAL question on my next login so I can give it some thought.)
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I just caught up on your sitch. You have been at this a while. You seem to know what you should be doing and it looks like you are sticking to the plan.
I know exactly what you mean about never wanting anyone else. I saw my W on the playground when she was in 7th grade. I had no idea who she was but honestly, even at that young of an age, I knew she was THE ONE. I have been with her ever since.
Detaching is really hard for me. I am still really attracted to my W and being around her makes my heart melt. I am much further along with my detachment than a few months prior however.
I am not sure what,if any, advice I can give you except that if you truly want to save your marriage then keep working on it (ie yourself). You seem to have the DB knowledge to do it. This is extremely hard to deal with. Just press on and stay the course. Good luck.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
(The following is just for thought as I ask for your opinions/experience.)
My IC thinks I should try an AD medication. I have always been leery of medicine...all kinds. I don't even like to take ibuprofen or acetaminophen if I have a headache. I figure that most medicine is just masking some other issue that needs to be addressed... [snip] Anyway, I've had more than enough time periods where I have gone through depression that I can easily recognize it myself and the thought of less volatile emotional states and stress is rather appealing, but am I crazy to not want to mask this pain and experience? It has been a stimulus to growth that I NEEDED to go through. It has been a reminder of perspective and priorities. Do I really need a pill and am I okay with taking it to "feel better"? [snip]
The IC says if dosed properly, the medicine will just make the severe lows less low...like how I feel on days that I now call my new "normal." "Normal" sad that I am getting divorced, don't see my daughters every night, etc. Not the "I feel like I am being crushed by an insurmountable weight and every day feels like a week" kind of sad.
I can guess as to what some of your responses might be, but that would be mind reading and a habit I don't want to fertilize in the garden of my mind.
Good day! -PM
I know exactly what you mean; my W used to get on me because I preferred to suffer through headaches, colds, or allergies instead of taking medicine.
I've been on at least four different SSRIs over 20 years in my life, plus another type of AD that hits different receptors. I can only give you my opinion and my experiences:
If I had it to do over again, I would stay away from them. Far away. One made no difference at all. One gave me a few weeks of euphoria before settling down into a gray, zombie-like haze. One seemed to help for a bit, but on reflection, I wonder if it did anything at all. And the last one slowly, gradually, and almost imperceptibly let me slip into a haze of apathy and depression I blame (in part) for the death of my marriage. I didn't realize what a bad place I was in until my wife was out the door.
SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed AD and they can have nasty side effects that nobody likes to talk about. Google SSRI sexual dysfunction. Google SSRI discontinuation syndrome. Yes, they help some people. For me, they just allowed me to ignore my problems and gave me nasty side effects like apathy, weight gain, and decreased libido.
I am currently on Welbutrin and I find it is currently working for me. I can still feel the highs and lows (for now) and I do not seem to have ANY side effects. I hope to wean myself off it once this D thing is over.
In my opinion, regular vigorous exercise and CBT have been much more helpful to me than SSRIs ever have. Some people may need ADs to give them the kick in the pants to start exercising and getting CBT. If you do, then I recommend taking ADs but getting off them AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
Again, this is just my opinion. Your mileage may vary. I am not a doctor.
PM, some AD advice..... when my first marriage broke up, my head was spinning so fast I couldn't even catch a thought. I took something called buspar, I had no clue what it was, but only l only required it for about 2 weeks, I felt AMAZING. when this r separated I was against everything as well. I too don't take anything for anything. BUT, finally caved in when doctor said it would help. She said buspar was dirty, but would give it again or to try Cipralex. It took about 3 weeks to a month to work, life seems to not be AS bad. It does take the edge off. I do not plan on staying on these for too long, but want to be certain that I am OK.
just my .02
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Patient Man, I think it's always best to work with your provider who actually sees you and knows you. If you try one and it doesn't help, there may be another that will. Only you know how low you lows are and sometimes we do need a jumpstart to be able to see our way out of the hole that is depression.
ADs in conjunction with talk therapy can be very effective. I think the fact that this is coming from your IC is important.
Also other things that help which you may already be doing, meditation, exercise, getting sunshine every day.
Good luck.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
If your IC recommended it, discuss it with your PCM/Family Doc. Back in 2002, I hit a low period going thru some very rough personal and professional 'stuff'. My PCM put me on Celexa for about 8 weeks; and I had to go see him weekly to discuss how I was feeling. It really worked well for what I needed at that time.
My current PCM put me on Welbutrin from 2006 - early 2009 for marital issues; this basically broke my give-a-darn and helped lead to where I am now. I don't blame the drug, but, my actions while I was on it. I did have control, but, I chose not to care about things which contributed to problems that already existed in the M. During this time, I need to add, I was NOT seeing an IC...
So long as you are working with an IC, and your PCM agrees they might help, they might help you thru a rough patch.
