Bring It On 2013

[BeingMe]

Hey you! Nice to have been checked on.

[BeingMe]

I don't know why, but today I'm feeling lonely. All friends are away for whatever reason, S25 and D20 are out, H didn't want to come home for the weekend - says there's a vibe. Only in his head. But, I hope I wasn't subconsciously relying on his company this weekend.

I think I should speed up the divorce, after all. H should move out. I feel I'm in a place of "I-don't-know". I don't have my H's emotional support and physical presence, or complete physical/emotional/psychological divorce and alimony. I don't have a structure in place so I can know where I stand. I'm just floating around, not wanting to date until I'm divorced. Yet, how tempting is that - to meet some men that I could hang out with. I'm shy so I don't even know how to do that, so I sit at home, alone on weekends, and I hate it.

~sigh~ I'll get on with my homework.

[job]

BeingMe,
Sounds like you need to get out today and do something. Do you have a nice bookstore nearby? Maybe go to a movie or go to a local museum.

How is the homework coming?

[BeingMe]

You're right Snodderly, I do need to get out more often. Homework going well, studying for Astronomy mid-term exam tomorrow. I had coffee with my Author Group on Monday ... it was fun. Huge debates about the middle east, and history of Israel, etc.

My creative writing courses also going well, sometimes stressful, but that's how it goes when you're writing three different things with a due date looming. Went to bed at 3am on Saturday, trying to get my stage play done. I succeeded. Sometimes I lean back on my computer chair, and just fall asleep there. Then the dog jumps up on my lap and wakes me up. I know I'll look back later, and feel proud of my work, but right now, I'm so immersed, I cannot see the end. I guess that's the best way to be ... take each day at a time, and get as much work done as possible.

I hardly think about H anymore, except for those odd times where I discuss it here, then move on in RL with other things.

It's spring break next week ... and by "break" you would assume that one can rest and do other things to get one's mind off school. But, no! I have lots of reading to do for commentary or essays, an artwork to paint (for Liberal Studies based on Paradise Lost - think I'll paint Eve in the garden or somethin' like that - has to be baroque-ish), start observational work for essay - skywatching (I'm doing it on Jupiter and moons). What was I thinking? Doing 5 courses? But, I do love studying and learning new things and challenging myself. At least I have my poetry done, my play is done for the mid-semester, still working on ch. 2 of my novel for the Novel Writing course.

Okay, brain, take a break, and go eat something.

Thanks, if you've read this far. Just dumping and sorting out my thoughts. Breath in / Breath out.

Thank goodness for this site, where I can download feelings, and worries, then forget about it after. Works for me for now.

[BeingMe]

So, onwards to read about Einstein's theory of relativity, and why its called "relativity". My brain is saying, "what, dunno. Duh!" Hahahahaha laughing hysterically in my mind. What does "relative" mean? E=MC2 or my square family.

[BeingMe]

Mid-term is over. Spring break is here, or as I put it, "catching up with school work time."

Have a good weekend everyone.

[WCW]

Howdy BM, don't worry about your H or what he does or does not do.

Focus on your goals, keep your eyes on the horizon, get in the saddle and ride until you get there.

[BeingMe]

Hi WCW! Thanks for posting, and reminding me to keep my eye toward the horizon. I hope to graduate next year. Yesssss!!!!

I hardly think about H anymore. And, I don't really care what he does anymore. But, I do want to get that divorce, really badly. It's one of my goals, almost equal to getting my degree (which is paramount).

Weekends can be lonely, hence my need to meet single people, male or female. I'm definitely not ready for a new R. But, when I look up from my laptop, and the house is quiet, and I realize I haven't spoken, verbally, to anyone (other than the dogs) in several days ... then I get a little freaked out. At those times I miss having someone there, or a partner whose coming home after work like a normal R. Then there are times when I'm so immersed in school work, I don't even know it's a weekend. Then I neglect the friends I do have. Gah!

Yet, I'm happy being me. I wouldn't change much at this time. If H wanted back in, I'm afraid I will still want the divorce.

[BeingMe]

Hoo Boy! In the interests of GAL and keeping in contact with friends, yesterday I was dragged into taking a walk along the beach with my one friend, E, and her little doggie. (Note, she does this walk every other day, and she's one of them tiny people that weighs hardly anything, while I am somewhat robust in size and height.) She called early, so I decided "why not?" I'm feeling the pain now. The beach was rocky, so there was no looking at the view, but at your next step. It was like wall climbing only horizontally. Then she didn't mention all the stairs going down/up, it felt like more than a hundred, then she said it was. Dang! I'm so unfit ... need to walk more. This studying = sitting on my b^tt all day long. This week, I intend to go for a walk or Wii dance every day. Today it's raining, so Wii dance it is.

Hope y'all are having a good Sunday.

[BeingMe]

Oh, I forgot to mention ... my step-mother-in-law called early this morning (H didn't come home again this weekend). I didn't answer 'cause I was asleep, but she left a message to call back urgently. When you get a call like that, from another continent, and your father-in-law has not been doing well, sends a chill down your spine. I quickly called H, didn't get through the first try, then he called me back, so I gave him the message. A few minutes later, he called again to tell me that his dad had, let me repeat HAD, been in the hospital for several days, and is home again. He's apparently okay. Anyway, he was going to call his brother in the USA, who they couldn't get a hold of because he's just moved (he's the one who got engaged).

I said to H that I'm glad your dad's okay, and he replied, "thanks."