Hey Fy, forgive me but I dont have a change now to read your past threads.
I wanted to stop by and thank you for your kind words to me on JP's thread.
You and I are about the same age . Love 70's music and I love 40's big bands. My dad played trumpet in his own big band back in the day so we always had that music playing.
It's happy music, isnt it?
You do have a wonderful sense of humor. That's the key to getting through all this.
Last night W went out for dinner with GF. Afterwards they went to the airport to pick up GF's long time man friend, (not lover) who just flew in on one of his regular routes. (he's a pilot) Then all three went to a country music night club together. Today was one of the few Saturdays I had to work, so I was in bed by about 11pm.
I wake up at 3am to make one of my night time old guy potty treks, (hay, I did have a beer before bed!) notice she is not home yet, and my mind begins to wander. She only goes out to "party" once, sometimes twice a month, and is seldom out this late. A year ago it used to really bother me... not so much any more.
I quickly fell back asleep, but then woke up when I heard her come in a little after 4am. I got up at 5:30 for work.
When I got home after work she was back in bed. About a half hour later she comes out and says sheepishly with a grin, "I'm up". I make some coffee and without a word from me, she starts telling me all about their night out, even shows me some pictures they took. I know from the past, that this behavior is somewhat common. She was very happy and excited, and didn't seem to have a thing to hide.
She told me about the young guys who tried to hit on them, and how the girls laughed when the boys couldn't even keep their stories straight regarding how old they were. GF and man friend were dancing, when W decided it would be funny to tell one of the boys "I think it would be fine for you to go out there and cut in on GF". He did, but that dance didn't last long! More laughing from both of us.
Eventually, the girls tired of having the boys hanging around, gave manfriend the eye, and he shooed them away. Wife also showed me a pic of HER dancing! Getting my wife to dance was always like pulling teeth. She was way too self conscious to get out there in front of others who she felt would be judging her. Maybe this time on her own is really what she needs to finally become comfortable with herself.
I listened, laughed, asked a few questions and made a few comments. I like that she feels comfortable opening up to me like this.
I get the feeling she wants me to know she is not cheating on me. I don't think she could fake all this in the manner she is doing it. After 35 years together I could tell if it was fake. If she ever clams up after a night out I'll know something is up.
Any thoughts on this behavior, or how I should handle it? Am I on track? Thanks!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
More laughing from both of us.... I listened, laughed, asked a few questions and made a few comments.
I love this!
I think there is no better thing you could do with your W right now then to listen to her, put aside your feelings of hurt and expectations, accept her right where she is with out judgment.
I think that making her feel safe with you, with her heart, is where you want to be in the long run, anyway.
Congratulations, FY!
P.s. I never mentioned how funny I thought the "ruby slippers" prescription was!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks ladies. While I'm very content with my life, I of course get discouraged over our sitch from time to time. It's so nice to hear that you both think I'm on course.
It's ironic that while our spouses feel their time to find happiness is running out, (hence the "Crises") they seem to be wasting what time they have! *bangs head*
Originally Posted By: RH
P.s. I never mentioned how funny I thought the "ruby slippers" prescription was!
Yes, wife is following the yellow brick road to Oz. Hope she gets there soon and the wizard gives her a heart!
Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow...
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Physical touch is my H's LL and he has a couple secondary ones. During the height of replay if I were to express my love to him through LL then it's the same as pursuing, saying ILY. He seemed okay enough by the occasional expression to ME of physical touch. Only with him initiating. Otherwise it really turned him off.
H had always told me that's how he hears ILY -- through touch. So...until they are ready, I think we have to be so careful here....treading lightly.
Just my thoughts for today.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Physical touch is my H's LL and he has a couple secondary ones. During the height of replay if I were to express my love to him through LL then it's the same as pursuing, saying ILY. He seemed okay enough by the occasional expression to ME of physical touch. Only with him initiating. Otherwise it really turned him off.
H had always told me that's how he hears ILY -- through touch. So...until they are ready, I think we have to be so careful here....treading lightly. Just my thoughts for today.
I totally agree. On the other hand if we don’t attempt to speak their LL at all, why would they want to be with us again?
As best I can tell, W’s LL is gifts and WOA. Now of course I know I can’t win her back with gifts, but if don’t acknowledge those special days and such with even a small, friendly gift, she would likely be hurt and figure I didn’t care. I say this because back in the pre MLC days, the few times I forgot a gift she was devastated.
Same with WOA. She seeks to hear these. If not from me, then maybe from some OM? NO THANK YOU! I’m not going to cut her off and allow OM to fill the void.
It’s important to remember, she really hasn’t totally given up on me, I figure. One of her last comments on “US” was something about “deciding if she was going to leave me, or not”. This was last fall... she’s still here and doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. All I have to do is allow her to figure herself out, and not blow it before she puts on the magic slippers!
She’s cool to me yes, but not mean or spewing. She no longer blames me for the funk she’s been in.
I just need to be the man she'll fall in love with again, and to me that means I must speak her LL. Treading carefully and lightly, as you say.
Oh, and like your H, my PLL is also touch. And she has totally cut this off! (gosh darn it) Since I know for sure touch is not her LL, I may start initiating a little here and see how it goes. It’s not like me touching her is going to send her packing. I already brush her hair once a month or so, and she accepts it.
I know she’s going through a tough time, and I really love her, so I can continue to be patient. But I am also in love with myself, and don’t really need a roommate wife I can’t even touch. It’s kinda disrespectful of her actually, and love or not, I will not put up with it forever.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
. Love 70's music and I love 40's big bands. My dad played trumpet in his own big band back in the day so we always had that music playing.
