Actually pretty damn good overall. There are some low points focused more on things we can't control that almost everyone is facing at the moment. The truth is though...those things will to pass.
We have a short family vacation planned (first time in 3+ years) and the kids are almost done school. The wife and I continue to move forward redefining ourselves while meeting up daily for exercise, stretching, and suntanning (yes we do live together...that is just our one on one time...LOL).
W trusts my opinion in her job enough to ask advice for problems she faces...which is basically new. I still ask, if I am supposed to listen or offer advice right at the get go though. : )
She is a bit overwhelmed at work so she is abck on her AD to clam her...poor thing I do no thave the heart to tell her that it is less effective if she only takes them occasionally when things get hard...I figure the placebo effect in her head is good enough.
Going on small vacation ourselves this summer, fishing type, cabin.
This summer we start the porcess of finding a house, done with apartments and we are financially solvent again finally after our seperation a few years back.
Boys are doing great. Normal concerns about teenagers for my oldest and attitude, but part of being healthier is being bigger...not fatter than him so the intimidation is getting back up there. : )
We try and make time for each other, and have systmes in place to make sure we talk and communicate and make time for each other.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
The following link is from M GO BLUE one of Snodderly's favorite posters. This thread is one of the original threads for the "Recipe For Success; Ingredients needed In Dealing With Spouses MLC"
We have seen this before in the resources but this is an earlier version of the recipe. This is from the original(or closer to it). I am reading M GO BLUE entire thread now and wanted to share it with anyone else that would like to spend the time reading it.
It seems that it would fit in with the "Stages of the LBS"
I was involved yesterday with a chat with a bunch of people from this board and we had a guest appearance. (LOL, not really) Anyways I copied some pertintent questions that really apply to the LBS. So if the author wants to take credit she/he is more than welcome. I did edit a few bad words out of these to protect us from the author's moderators I thought they were particularly good questions. We all need to ask outselves. Anyways I want to thank those participants in the chat. I had a good time.
What was your role in this ? The break down of the marriage? [13:34] michelle weiner-davis: How did you play a part in that ? [13:34] michelle weiner-davis: What do you accept as your shortcomings ? [13:34] michelle weiner-davis: What is MLC fluff ? [13:34] michelle weiner-davis: What "stung" [13:35] michelle weiner-davis: How do you envision your future? [13:35] michelle weiner-davis: Are you willing to sell yourself just to have your marriage back ? [13:35] michelle weiner-davis: What are YOU worth as a person? [13:36] michelle weiner-davis: Can your soul be replaced if you give it away for a relationship ? [13:36] michelle weiner-davis: (persons name)....who are YOU ? [13:36] michelle weiner-davis: Don't give me Father, Husband, and all of that stuff either [13:37] michelle weiner-davis: YOU !! ???? [13:37] michelle weiner-davis: How can you be anything for anybody if you don;t know you? [13:38] michelle weiner-davis: What values do YOU own, if you sacrifice them ? [13:38] michelle weiner-davis: When you can answer all of those....then you will know where your line in the sand is....
michelle weiner-davis: What are your limits ? [14:12] michelle weiner-davis: What is your tolerance ? [14:12] michelle weiner-davis: What defines you ? [14:12] michelle weiner-davis: What are your fears? [14:12] michelle weiner-davis: What are your strengths?
Thank you for this HB. I hope the LBS realizes that many of the 'why' questions they absolutely think they have to have an answer too...they really do not. Everyone dies with unanswered questions, but that doesn't prevent us from living. Why should these. In many cases the MLC answers are NOT good enough for the LBS anyway so they keep digging and damage any repairs that have been made.
Stop asking.
As for not working on yourself?
That is just sad. : )
[/quote]
i guess this is true I keep trying to wrap my head around it - I guess I need to stop --
Very tough to not give up !!! But every time I think I should I come here and get some hope - thanks to all
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
I am 5 months in from BD for me and I am still a mess. For me it was fear, pure and simple that got me and woke me up. Then that fear moved me to do the normal begging, etc. I came here and found hope, caring, and direction. I know I am the main reason for my W leaving, so I also feel guilt and regret. I have yet to accept that DB is what is right, as I have yet to do it. I know it is what will give me my best chance, but just not there. It [censored] because I am losing time every day I dont change. It is a fight between my logic and emotions and emotions are winning. I think that for me the next stage is control, to fully understand that I have zero control over anyone other than myself. This has to be where I am stuck at, that I still feel that I can control the situation. So for me, so far, my stages are fear with guilt, then understanding why, next is to release my (illusion) of control. Open my arms and mind and say I give up my hold, I am only me and that is all there is. It would be so much easier to be a squirrel...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
