Just saying hello.

[prometheus]

Hi all,

I joined yesterday and wanted to start posting. I hope that this general hello is OK.

I live in Australia by the way, so sorry about the time of day that i post!

Redards,

[~ kd ~]

Hi prometheus. Your initial posts will be moderated and it takes a few, successful posts before you are off moderation and your posts show up immediately.

That said, please give us a brief understanding of what situation you find yourself in and how we may support you.

[prometheus]

Hi Kaffe Diem,

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to my post. I appreciate the information. I will continue posting, hopefully successfully! :-)

As far as the situation that i find myself in goes, i *can* explain it briefly here. I notice that people in this community forum talk of "journaling" or keeping a journal. Is that as simple as starting a new thread/topic somewhere, or is there a particular way that i should go about making a journal/diary? I will try and dig up some examples and see how it all works.

Thanks once again. I will detail my situation in the next post for the sake of readability.

*Regards*,

[Cadet]

Just add in my welcome too.

Try to stick to one thread until you get to 100 posts.

It is much easier to follow along if you do it that way.

Patience is the first lesson you will learn here, waiting for moderation.

[prometheus]

Thank you for the welcomes. I appreciate your posts very much.

Well i will have to start keeping a copy of what i post because i have forgotten exactly what i have submitted. :0

I know that i have not said anything about me or the situation that i find myself in, so i may as well start with

that.

I am:

male
48 years old
Married October, 1994 (our relationship began in 1989)

My wife is 46 years old
My eldest son turned 18 this month
My daughter turned 12 in March
My youngest son turned 5 in January

I have worked at the same place for all of that time. I began working there just before my wife fell pregnant with

our first child.


I joined this forum with a view to getting some support and guidance from a community that obviously has a lot of

collective experience and interest in relationships and marriage. Probably like many who post here, i do not have a

lot of people that i can turn to for help or even just to be listened to. I have tried some counselling (not much)

but i have not seemed to derive much benefit from that. It is probably the setting at counselling more than

anything else at play there though.

Like all marriages, ours has had its share of ups and downs, mishaps, wounds and injuries. For instance, my wife

has had a physical affair, i have had an emotional affair, we have both harboured resentment and anger towards each

other. I have never been one to dwell upon that very much though.....until lately that is.

Knowing full well that our relationship was very troubled, i wrote a long letter to my wife in August of last year

asking her to "please not give up on us", to please accept that i wanted to work with her to improve our life

together. I also owned a lot of my own bad behaviours in that letter, to show her that i was mindful of at least

some of the areas that she was unhappy about, and that i am committed to changing them.

Her response devestated me and rocked my world. Basically, she said that she did not want to continue being married

to me. Her feeling was that i was asking her to continue putting up with more of the same. This is not what i

said, but i accept that that is the way that she feels; i won't be able to make any lasting reforms, and that in

five years time we will be back where we are right now. She wants to move on with a life without me in order to

explore what else life has to offer. Selfishly, perhaps, i do not want her to leave.

That is enough for now i suppose!

[~ kd ~]

Hi pro,

OK, first things first, I can't remember how readily available the book "Divorce Remedy" is, in Aus. You should be able to order it on Amazon. Definitely get a copy and read it, as it is really the basis of how we support each other on this forum, of course.

As far as journaling, yes. Just keep posting in this thread, as Cadet said, up to 100 (total; incl. responses) posts in the thread, then start a new thread. Even if it's just thoughts from the day. It can be very helpful to let stuff out.

So the two of your have had some fairly major issues. What do you think has kept the two of you together for 18 years?

As far as her fears that things will revert, those are certainly valid. I'd guess that you would not want things to just keep being the same, either.

That said, you may start to hear a lot of the familiar "script" that most will hear. Like "we got married too young" or "I never loved you" or "I feel I missed out on life"... oh, right... you've already heard that last one. It is interesting how common the language that so many of us hear.

At the top of this forum (newcomers) on this board, there is a thread called "Sandi's rules". Read them and stick to them as best you can.

What do you think some of your W's valid complaints about you, might be?

[GALbaby]

Hello Prometheus...I'm Aussie too. I purchased DB and DR through amazon. Two must haves.

[hotwheelsaust]

Gday Prometheus, another Aussie as well. Similar ages and time married. From Brisbane but doing time in Emerald. Originally from Sydney. Sorry you are here, but you are amongst friends and a group of very knowledgeable people. You could try getting the DB book from the local library. I found it at first in the library, but then got them from Amazon.

[prometheus]

Hi pro,

OK, first things first, I can't remember how readily available the book "Divorce Remedy" is, in Aus. You should be able to order it on Amazon. Definitely get a copy and read it, as it is really the basis of how we support each other on this forum, of course.

Hey Kaffe,

Thanks for taking the time out to post such a long response. I will definitely take notice of what you have posted and follow through.

As far as journaling, yes. Just keep posting in this thread, as Cadet said, up to 100 (total; incl. responses) posts in the thread, then start a new thread. Even if it's just thoughts from the day. It can be very helpful to let stuff out.

I have never been very good at journal writing but i suppose that now is as good as any time to begin. In fact, as you have alluded to, it will probably be a good tool for me to get my thoughts out etc. It seems very strange letting it all hang out on the internet for a bunch of total strangers to read. I suppose that i feel safe doing so because of the thin layer of anonimity afforded me.

At the top of this forum (newcomers) on this board, there is a thread called "Sandi's rules". Read them and stick to them as best you can.

Sandi's rules...i think that reading that will be high on my to-do list.

I will leave off addressing the questions and other issues that you have raised for another post. Thank you for them nonetheless.

[prometheus]

Hello Prometheus...I'm Aussie too. I purchased DB and DR through amazon. Two must haves.

Hi GALbaby. Another Australian! Thanks for posting. I have just placed an order for both books. I look forward to reading them...