My journey here...

[Dubious Hills]

I think you have to back off a little, and let her contact you... otherwise it's more invalidating, because you're still acting like you know how she feels and why she feels what she feels.

[MrCAS]

DH, I wasn't going to say I know how she feels, just that she says she has fears and I will listen to her if she wants to share them.

I have to let her know I made a deposit in the joint account tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it because putting money on the credit card debt was a major issue we had before I left. I told her I wasn't going to do anything about it and now I am.

[MrCAS]

An interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago. I had applied for a credit card on my own. I have never a Visa card of my own, was just on W's card as an authorized user. I always paid her for the stuff that I had charged so it was never an issue there.

So, I ask her to send me the card because I had to have it sent to house in MN. She said no problem. The card comes in and she started acting a little snotty about it. I really didn't understand why the attitude about it suddenly.

I got the card in the mail and send text that I got it and appreciated her effort to get it to me. No reply which kind of surprise me but was no big deal.

So, I am talking to my sister this weekend about this... She offered that, from her own point of view, that it seems like I have taken yet another step to separate myself from W and she doesn't like it.

Personally, I never thought of that. What say my wise and war worn comrades?

[labug]

Mindreading.

[MrCAS]

Yeah, the power adapter on my crystal ball broke and the batteries are dead...

Well, still dreading the money call tomorrow. Fear can be paralyzing. Hey, what's the worst thing that could happen? Best thing? What happens will probably be somewhere in the middle.

Taking a deep breath here...

[jp787]

An interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago. I had applied for a credit card on my own. I have never a Visa card of my own, was just on W's card as an authorized user. I always paid her for the stuff that I had charged so it was never an issue there.

So, I ask her to send me the card because I had to have it sent to house in MN. She said no problem. The card comes in and she started acting a little snotty about it. I really didn't understand why the attitude about it suddenly.

I got the card in the mail and send text that I got it and appreciated her effort to get it to me. No reply which kind of surprise me but was no big deal.

So, I am talking to my sister this weekend about this... She offered that, from her own point of view, that it seems like I have taken yet another step to separate myself from W and she doesn't like it.

Personally, I never thought of that. What say my wise and war worn comrades?

My W has left the finances in my hands, which would be great if we had money! Anyways, she texted me a while back saying she was going to open up her own checking account. I instantly went to she is separating further from me, she is making moves to D me and is moving on. Yeah that messed with me big time and it was all mind reading. It turns out she wanted to have some independence and not continually ask me if she could spend money on this or that. Since then we have worked out a budget and we each get a monthly allowance in cash. IDK what she does with hers and she doesn't know what I do with mine.
I guess my point is, yes it is mind reading and it doesn't help at all, it hurts. If something does come to pass, then deal with it at that point. (sure with I could take my own advice...)

[MrCAS]

Thanks LA and JP...

Me thinks me worries too much sometimes.

I am holding off on the health insurance because she told me that I can stay on it as long as I need to. Since no one is filing D papers, I am figuring why rock the boat. I will just continue to give her money for the insurance, mortgage, and the credit card amount on a timely basis.

[MrCAS]

Well, phone call with W today was mixed emotions.

I told her I had deposited money for truck payment and and extra fifty to help with credit card. she sounded surprised. Told me appraiser was coming to house to appraise for re-fi.

I asked her about her fears... I said, "I value your feelings and want to understand your fears." She said, "It's a moot point. It's done." I said "Okay". Big pause. Then she proceeds to tell me all about the dog weight pull and how good our dog did for about five minutes and some chit chat for another five minutes and says, "Well, I will talk to you later."

Man, am I confused right now. She says it's done but we are going to re-fi the house? Tells me all about the dog? Tells me about the lifestyle club? Huh? A "moot point"? She never used that word before. That is something I would have said. To be honest it sounded scripted.

I am feeling good about staying very calm during the conversation. Definitely a change from our past interactions during our first separation. Still no mention of BF. Not that I really want to hear about it and not too surprised she doesn't say anything.

I feel like I am at the point in "Fireproof" when the Dad tells Caleb "Now the hard part starts." Up until now I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on what was going on. Working my program of GAL and self-improvement. I sort of feel like I am backsliding a little.

Trying to stop the poopy thoughts from creeping in. It is a little strange to not feel angry right now. I feel like I should be ranting and raving but I don't feel that way. I am not exactly sure what I feel. A little empty. A little sad. I feel like renewed resolve to work harder. I do feel some disappointment.

Well, thanks for listening.

[T1000]

Something I found recently that helped with bad thoughts. I was reading about retrospective jealousy and they say that bad thoughts are just thoughts. Your mind is obsessing compulsively thinking about bad stuff.

When you have a thought say to yourself "It's not me, it's OCD"

I have no idea if I have OCD but this has sorted me out quite a few times recently.
As soon as I say it, it breaks up the thought process and I think whats next and move froward with my thoughts.

I might have to say it a few times but it has helped me.

It's also good that you notice your backslide at least then you can double your efforts because you know it's happening.

[MrCAS]

I missed another opportunity to validate... when she said it was a moot point I could have came back with I really do value your feelings. Ah... overthinking stuff.

It helps to vent a little. I don't want to be here. My "dream" job has turned into more of a nightmare. I have a verbally abusive co-owner that makes me feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I work with a young kid that if he worked any slower feel like they should be fitting him for a pine box.

I am looking at work back home. Not sure if that is what would be best right now. I miss my old job in retrospect. Hindsight [censored]. LOL! I have confused respect and wages.

I sometimes feel like I have just woke up from a dream. Hahahahahahaha!

well, thanks again for letting me get this stuff out.