I admire your openness to share yourself, I really think it will open the door for your growth and change.
I have issues that I can not share in an open forum and I fear that until I address them I will be limited on my success. I do work on them mind you, just not here
Keep on moving forward, I think your doing fantastic!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M, you have a long road ahead of you. It aint for the faint of heart. But I believe that the most important stuff never comes without some hard work. And that brings the best payoff.
MrCAS, I am really impressed with your starting point. You seemed to have started wrapping your hands around things even before your first post. That is excellent! And you are being guided by some of the best here, so take your time, really think about the questions, and continue to peel back the layers.
We definitely have some similarities in terms of the anger and selfishness. I know understanding the anger, where it came from, how I was using it, those were really important in my own growth. But forgiving, both yourself and others that have hurt you...that's is where things snap into place a bit. Don't overlook that.
A confused little man with a whole better understanding. I see things I didn't or couldn't see before. I am accepting my role in the way things are with me right now. I have learned that I don't have to like it but I have to accept it.
Who do you want to be ?
A good husband. A man that people know that they count on to live up to what he says. Walk the walk. Live up to ideals I profess in my mind. To be a guy that doesn't have to say "Hey! Look what I did!" because people will already know on their own.
I don't want to be the colossal dick guy anymore.
What do you believe in ?
I believe in Jesus Christ I believe in the sanctity of marriage as a partnership I believe in monogamy
What are your passions ?
My family especially my in-laws and stepdaughter Our house Sign Painting / Hand Lettering Designing My 1973 Pontiac Astre Panel Express The Shriners Free Masonry Our dogs
Likes ?
Frozen custard from Culvers Grilled steaks, burgers Dog shows. Old time TV shows Music Learning
Dislikes ?
Liver Liars Cheats
Pet peeves ?
Jagoff drivers People who subscribe to the victim mentality
Make sense ???
Yes, sir. It does.
Just some random thoughts while pondering what ever happened to Ernie Wakely...
I had a thought last night. I hate it when people just up and leave. Like abandonment issues type thing.
My Dad left because he thought his needs were more important than his family obligations were. I thought I was over it but I don't think I am quite there. Now that he is gone, I am just going to have to talk at him instead of with him. I am going to have to accept that this will always be an unresolved issue and move along.
My first wife left because she listened to too many other people with no vested interest in the marriage. My second wife is kind of doing the same thing. However, with my current marriage, there are more issues coming into play. I feel like I finally pulled on my big boy pants and decided to do something about it.
I am going to try and salvage what is left of my life. I accept that my W is probably not going to be part of that. As much as I love her, I just have to let her go and not factor into what I need to do for myself.
I am thinking of going to go back as fast as feasibly possible without hurting myself emotionally and financially. I am going to get some counseling and deal with these issues. I am going to go back to the church I was going to and the Bible Study.
I had a life in MN, outside of my marriage, and I miss it. I think I can resurrect a good part of it. I think it will be easier for to work on issues in a much more familiar setting than here.
Another thought I had was I had placed so much self-worth on my career it became crippling. When I was in NY, I was a signman star. In MN I was not. Instead of focusing on the blessings I had (Wife, marriage, family, and home) I was too worried about what others thought. I was worried about becoming some kind of loser because I wasn't the big fish anymore.
What does it matter now if I don't have my shop with all the cool tools and stuff anymore? My partner may have screwed me over but all he got was stuff. He is the one that lost his integrity and I feel that was worth a whole more than some stuff and money. He lost a great friend. He lost the opportunity to ever pick up the phone and pick my brain for a solution. He lost more than he gained, IMO. I lost a friend, too. I mourn that loss. I hurt because a man I trusted unconditionally, and loved like a brother, could do that to me. Time to let that hurt go.
I have other thoughts but they aren't ready yet.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
My Dad left because he thought his needs were more important than his family obligations were. I thought I was over it but I don't think I am quite there. Now that he is gone, I am just going to have to talk at him instead of with him. I am going to have to accept that this will always be an unresolved issue and move along.
It's okay to Love him, and be angry at him at the same time...
A confused little man with a whole better understanding. I see things I didn't or couldn't see before. I am accepting my role in the way things are with me right now. I have learned that I don't have to like it but I have to accept it.
You can do both actually...
It just takes time
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Who do you want to be ?
A good husband. A man that people know that they count on to live up to what he says. Walk the walk. Live up to ideals I profess in my mind. To be a guy that doesn't have to say "Hey! Look what I did!" because people will already know on their own.
I don't want to be the colossal dick guy anymore.
What does that look like to you ???
And if you can become the other things....husband can fall into line without focusing on it...
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
Originally Posted By: Mach1
What do you believe in ?
I believe in Jesus Christ I believe in the sanctity of marriage as a partnership I believe in monogamy
Do you believe that you have the internal power to change for yourself ?
The courage to change in the face of adversity ??
For a minute, I thought I was gonna get the "Crash Davis" speech : )
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Pet peeves ?
Jagoff drivers People who subscribe to the victim mentality
Jagoff ???
Dude, yinz did spend some time in Picksburg n'at huh ???
Originally Posted By: MrCAS
I have other thoughts but they aren't ready yet.
You have time buddy...
Every thing that is worth doing, is worth doing correctly, and that takes time.
It's okay to Love him, and be angry at him at the same time...
I am not sure love is really something I can honestly say I ever felt for my father. Maybe it depends on what you define as love. I feel more love for my F-I-L than I ever felt for my Dad. Maybe it is because "Dad" is the type of man I always wished my Dad could have been.
My father could be your best buddy and then turn on you in a NY second... (That is 2.6 nanoseconds to the real world). He was a functioning alcoholic. I was glad he and I came to terms with a lot of things before he died. I did cry when I heard he had passed. Losing a parent regardless of feelings is still a loss.
I remember one time i got into trouble at school. I was having a sit down with Mom and dad in the living room. I was getting a talking to and my father asked me what was the cause and what I wanted. All I wanted to say was for him to be home. He traveled so much for his job he was almost never home.
From the time I was six to when I was nine, I honestly think he was home for a period of six or seven months. When we moved to WNY, he was around all the time but I had no clue who this guy was.
He wouldn't let play Little League because "We might get hurt". really? It was okay to play street hockey, touch football, and baseball in the street, though... LOL! My brother and I always figured it was because it would have meant he had to spent time actually being a father.
My sister's revelation recently sure doesn't do much to help his memory in my mind. I mean, what kind of man molests his own daughter? Oofdah. Not sure how I am ever going to wrap my mind around that.
I spent a lot of time trying to earn my father's respect. He did tell me that he was proud that I was very good in my field and that I was well respected. He never got to see me in an international sign magazine feature. That would have been cool.
Looking at his history, his father died when he was 13 YO and was raised by his mother along with his two sisters and his Aunt.
Thinking about all of this has actually helped me put some of my issues with my father to rest. I decided to cut him some slack and try to remember that he was working with his set of tools and not mine and that he did the best he could with them.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
