X demands full custody...I'm engaged, Pt 3: Court?

[kml]

Kat nailed it, I think. She's losing her Plan B.

[oldtimer]

Some thoughts:

(1) You have no idea why XW is acting as she is. It is probably a good idea not to personalize it or take it as an attack on you. My own *guess* would be that she is upset thinking of her children having a stepmother and she feels scared and insecure. In reaction, she's choosing a fight rather than flight response. We don't seem to think that LBS's who freak out about an ex-spouses impending marriage and new step-parents entering the mix are out to hurt the ex-spouse and wanting the ex-spouse to stay lonely and miserable. Why put that stuff on XW?

(2) The lack of reasonable boundaries between you and XW is very inappropriate. You can't control XW, but you can choose how you interact with her. You can insist on texting and emails except for emergencies. And, texting 911 for emergencies is often more effective than a phone call. So, there is little, if any, reason for you to take XW's calls. There was zero reason for you to engage with XW and participate in the fight. "This conversation is inappropriate, bye."

(3) If I were your fiancee, I'd put things on hold until you are no longer enmeshed with W and you are able to set and enforce healthy boundaries in all your relationships and get to a healthy place of how to handle custody.

(4) If your XW made those statements about fiancee when your kids could hear, write it down. That is damaging to the children.

(5) Why are you unwilling to go through a psych evaluation?

You seem to be kind of all over the place on the custody stuff and in a pretty reactive mode in general. Focus on yourself.

[figgeroni]

Right on OT

[sleeper]

Well in the meantime X's husband has taken my DD out of state (two states away) without anyone asking my permission or informing me. I found out when I learned DD didn't report to school and started texting DD. She (DD) returned my text with a phone call and told me where she is.

[oldtimer]

And the reason you choose not to get a legally enforceable custody agreement is....?

[sleeper]

I am in the middle of planning a wedding, not to mention other requirements of joining two households, blending a family. I was told 4-6 weeks until the first court date which if I acted then would have been 1-2 weeks before wedding. Not sure if the timing of X taking kids was blind luck or brilliance on her part. The court order she is violating still stands. I can take legal action.

[figgeroni]

sleeper...

you need to get an enforceable court order and not one with vague boundaries

the court order will only be enforceable in civil court (not criminal) but at least it will be something

you can put it off as long as you want but stop acting shocked that your perceived rights are being trounced on.

A judge will also ask you why you waited this long to try to get an enforceable order...and your response will be because you were planning a wedding?

[sleeper]

No, I have been trying to work this out in counseling with her. We've been seeing the same C together and separately, my last session was this past Monday.(first session April 25).

"I don't want to go to another Counselor. They don't do anything.". DS, 2013

I'm beginning to agree with him.

[forward]

Sleeper, I wouldn't defend your fianc�es behavior to xw. Tell her you will not discuss fianc�e with her

Jealousy? Some but also anxiety about step parent. Remember how you felt when omh walked into picture.

[sleeper]

Forward,

I've been dating fianc� for 4.5 years (2 years after separation and 7 months after D was final). My kids have been around fianc� and her kids for FOUR YEARS.

I have made a choice to spare my and X's children the drama of legal proceedings (for now). Counselor thinks my choice is "wise" and this is a tempest in a teacup. I opined I am getting tired of doing the right thing and getting screwed for my choice.

It didn't have to be this way. It really didn't.