Remember, it is just a piece of paper. Believe it or not, my youngest son who is 19 said this to me at one point. The relationship is bigger than a piece of paper in my mind. Don't focus there.
Nothing. I'm slammed at work and have class tonight until 9:30.
Thanks for the support from you all today.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
She said she was glad I went to the proceeding. She was very upset afterwards, and I continued to encourage her. I am not doing this for her (as in, SHE is not the reason I am doing this), but this D does not/will not change who I am and who I am becoming.
She'll see that at some point. Whether or not that means anything regarding R is completely unpredictable, but she'll see further proof that my changes are real and weren't just to stop D from occurring. No person or thing (or event) will get in my way of becoming PatientMan.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I feel what you're saying and your goals for moving forward with no expectations and concentrating on you and your girls is the perfect mindset. My concern, only because I lived it, is now that I look back my desire to stay "in love" held me back from going all in for me.
Thanks for your perspective. Noted.
Originally Posted By: Spartan
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
As far as she knows, though, I'm moving forward and not waiting for her. And she both needed and deserved that release from me.
This is good, it does make me wonder if you really are moving forward for YOU and not because deep down you are acting 'as if' in hopes she'll come back. Reason I wonder this...because it was my exact mindset and I fought it for a long long time. At times I thought a few of the guys on here were going to show up at my house and kick my a$$ until I admitted it.
Maybe, but I felt obligated to protect that part of myself. I still have hope, but trying to REALLY and TRULY let go of expectations.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
She said she was glad I went to the proceeding. She was very upset afterwards, and I continued to encourage her. I am not doing this for her (as in, SHE is not the reason I am doing this), but this D does not/will not change who I am and who I am becoming.
She'll see that at some point. Whether or not that means anything regarding R is completely unpredictable, but she'll see further proof that my changes are real and weren't just to stop D from occurring. No person or thing (or event) will get in my way of becoming PatientMan.
-PM
PM - When W and I separated I feared the worst, but have come find out that it was just what needed to happen. I don't know the ending, but what has happened happened because it needed to happen.
I would venture to say the same about your sitch.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
"She'll see that at some point. Whether or not that means anything regarding R is completely unpredictable, but she'll see further proof that my changes are real and weren't just to stop D from occurring. No person or thing (or event) will get in my way of becoming PatientMan."
I love that attitude PM! This is about you becoming a better person. A by product of that is a chance to save your marriage.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hey PM..... Hope you woke up on the right side of the bed after the hearing. Best of luck. My Mrs has had a change of heart and is discussing with me a potential to try, but I feel like I even need to be more patient now. What a ride.....
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
PM, sorry to hear the D is final It's true what the others said about D just being a piece of paper, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to grieve the loss of the M. If you feel sad/ depressed then that is perfectly normal, don't fight it!
Not sure if you're up on Crimson's story, but if you're not you might take a look at it. It's inspiring in that it shows that good DB'ing can lead to piecing even after D.
Quote:
She'll see that at some point. Whether or not that means anything regarding R is completely unpredictable, but she'll see further proof that my changes are real and weren't just to stop D from occurring. No person or thing (or event) will get in my way of becoming PatientMan.
I am just going through the motions at this point. I am not sure of some things right now and I am waiting for the emotional after-effects of yesterday to subside before I give these things too much thought. There's this piece of me that I can't seem to let go of. I wanted/want to hold onto it, but I'm not sure if I should.
I suppose I should start a new thread given this one is >100 posts.
Thanks for the support.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I am just going through the motions at this point. I am not sure of some things right now and I am waiting for the emotional after-effects of yesterday to subside before I give these things too much thought. There's this piece of me that I can't seem to let go of. I wanted/want to hold onto it, but I'm not sure if I should.
I suppose I should start a new thread given this one is >100 posts.
Thanks for the support.
-PM
Hey PM
We are here for you buddy!
Care to share what your holding on to?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
It's true what the others said about D just being a piece of paper, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to grieve the loss of the M. If you feel sad/ depressed then that is perfectly normal, don't fight it!