Thought I Was Piecing, Now I'm Detaching

[ThisDayForward]

I am not a newcomer. I'm pretty sure my W is partly WAS, MLC, and burnt out SAHM.

I want to open a thread here to gain knowledge of MLC and see if this is the section where I belong.

My W recommitted to M via actions back in January but after our family trip to the Bahamas she told me she felt smothered and not happy again.

I've been practicing detachment since this recent news. I've really been trying not to initiate conversations for my own self protection. She likes to reject me with one word answers and silent treatment.

All support appreciated

[makingmagic]

(((HUGS))) PON.... I am here for you!!!

[ThisDayForward]

oh let me add perimenapause to the list of fun. Also my wife consistently states she thinks she is going crazy being home for 8 years with the kids. (SAHM)

[TSquared2]

Hi PON,

Sounds verrrry familiar..... when you have a lot of time to kill drop by my thread, maybe my journey has some stuff to help you out...not a roadmap, as my story is still being written, but maybe a rough topographical terrain and coping overview.

Hang in there, I will look over your threads soon when I get time...

T^2

[ThisDayForward]

Thanks T. I've learned a ton about myself during this process. The biggest 2 that stick out is I am ACOA and codependent. I'm in counseling for both because I frankly do not like these traits. My W is not wrong with all of her complaints. Problem is she is ACOA and passive/aggressive. She refuses to work on herself so all I have left to do is work on me.

I do not like the akwardness of not initiating conversations. Problem is when I do I get my hand burnt from touching the hot stove. Last night was the most akward with her sitting in living room with me for 1/2 hour. I stayed busy on my laptop and after 1/2 hour she went upstairs. My W is completely detached from me. Sort of my role model of detachment.

What I've learned is the last 2 times we R were probably false starts. Even though WAS/MLC/Crazy Train showed they recommitted they truly didn't..

I am in a much better position this time around. I'm not going crazy trying to figure out crazy. Just working on myself, detaching, definitely doing more GAL and picking up hobbies I lost track of

[MrBond]

Just FYI, DO NOT make detachment a way of living. It's a way to shield yourself from getting hurt and not a way to live life. You still hadn't confronted your W yet because of your fear. That is the part you need to conquer first.

In your view of detaching, it's nothing more than running away and hiding from the issue. Your W still wears the pants in the family and you haven't found the way to get them back. She doesn't want someone that she can control or walk all over.

[lionhrt]

Hi PON,

I read your threads on newcomers (learnt a lot from them) and I too mover over here a while back. Sorry to hear your W latest comments but you have made great progress so far and the work you have done is a credit to you.

Not sure I can be much help as you are further down the road than me. Just wanted to wish you well as you continue on your journey

Take care

[ThisDayForward]

Bond thank you as always. Yes I'm practicing detachment for a few weeks to protect myself from rejection. I honestly haven't practiced it like this since I've been here. I have a short term goal of 2 weeks. 1 week to go. After Father's Day I'll be tackling this head on.

Bond I don't know what I'm going to say to her but right now if she starts the D rant I feel as though I'm going to tell her I will file .
I'm really stuck here

[ThisDayForward]

I noticed secret phone almost immediately after her withdrawing . Some days she doesn't do it . But on the days she does she definitely txting men. Not sure if she getting advice or other stuff.

This is fact

[MrBond]

"Bond thank you as always. Yes I'm practicing detachment for a few weeks to protect myself from rejection."

The thing is that she's not really "rejecting" you. It's how YOU make yourself feel. You haven't drawn up any boundaries to protect yourself and when to say that enough is enough.

"Bond I don't know what I'm going to say to her but right now if she starts the D rant I feel as though I'm going to tell her I will file ."

It doesn't have to get to that point. You just have to start acting more like a man and stop being afraid of what she's going to say or do. One of the first things I told you to do when you posted on here was to look her dead in the eye and tell her you will not be disrespected and that she needs to leave. You haven't given her that "I mean business" look out of fear. Time to start getting your b@lls back.