own a buz - pt 12 ... taking him off the pedestal

[makingmagic]

KD ~ did I pass your test? LOL

another compliment from h last night, in reference to closing a deal, (not much different than any other however):

"that's great wfm...Good Job... hoping that will help me sleep better "

WOW!!! 2 compliments in one day!! He must be appreciating my "business" qualities! Now, for him to appreciate me personally!

[~ kd ~]

Cool your jets, wfm.

You will be scoring your own "test". Give yourself a daily tally.

Every time you have contact with your H and you feel "happy because he contacted you", score -1. If that contact makes you excited, score an additional -2.

If your H contacts you and you feel upset, score -5.

If your H contacts you and you have no emotional reaction one way or the other, score +1.

Score an additional +2 points if you question any positive or negative comments from your H.

Score +2 if you attend a GAL activity. Score an additional +3 if you do not think about your H during that GAL activity.

Score -10 every time you think about whether your M might be saved.

another compliment from h last night, in reference to closing a deal,

You indicate the deal was no different than any other. If so, are you willing to question his motivation for complimenting you?

[makingmagic]

Good scoring system KD.. I can understand all except for:

"Score an additional +2 points if you question any positive or negative comments from your H." ... can you explain?

as above... am I willing to question his motivation for complimenting me? If I say yes... I get +2 points, correct?

I think he may be appreciating what I am capable of in the business.

BUT, not understanding why I am to gain 2 points for thinking about his motivation...lost here, explain?

[~ kd ~]

First, yes you WOULD get +2 points if you QUESTION his comments.

NOT if you GUESS at his motivation.

There's a big difference. I do see that my last sentence in that post said "question his motivations" when it really should have said "question his comment"

Here's the two different ways it could look as per his comment:
"that's great wfm...Good Job... hoping that will help me sleep better "

1) Your normal mode is to guess his motivation:
"He complimented me"

2) The "new" way is to question his comments:
"His comment was interesting. I understand it is great that a car was sold. Not sure about how great it really is, as it's just part of day to day operations. I don't know if this was any more challenging than any other sale so I don't think that my part in it was either good or bad. I'm sure he would not tell me it as a bad job if the sale was done. Very weird, if you ask me. Never mind him telling me that he hopes he will sleep better tonight. Unless the car was parked on top of his bed and now he can actually sleep on his bed. Ah well, glad we sold the car as it is adds to the bank... and what's the deal with the smiley face...???"

[Wonka]

Magic,

H's recent comments about "sleeping better" is a valuable clue into H's state of mind regarding business...it is a source of stress to him. Continue being the supportive business partner to H in a way that he views you as the person he can count on in managing the business. It is apparently working and keep on going in that direction.

At this stage, H isn't interested in you at a personal level at all. He's nowhere near that by a long shot! This is what I mean by dropping the rope...means dropping your expectations and detach from H at the emotional level. So don't expect him to make any comments about you, the way you dress, the way you look, or make any non-sexual overtures to you. No way, sweetie, that isn't happening at all.

[makingmagic]

Wonka ~~~ but WHY?? why not? I am cute!! and am working hard on me? What will it take for him to notice me, as a person..not just business? Why is is important for him to appreciate me in business but not personally? I haven't really expected (as he is not one to compliment me when I looked nice before), but I would like him to be still interested in me. It would however be nice.

KD ~~~ WOW, I see the difference, but not sure I will ever understand how to speak/relate like that. Does this come natural to you?

[~ kd ~]

lol, no... that is not at all "natural" for me.

It is only through practice that one even becomes capable of it, IMHO.

Is there any other comment that he's recently made to you, that you had an opinion on?

What would it be? How did you initially react? How would you look at it now... objectively... ie. questioning the comment?

[~ kd ~]

Do some research on and try to practice "critical thinking".

[makingmagic]

just his "coffee" comment...which is a sore spot for me. How would you use critical thinking on that?

[~ kd ~]

oh, I KNOW you are all over that coffee comment...

I'll paraphrase it since I don't feel like looking back to see how you wrote it, but I believe it went something like this:

"I've been thinking about going for coffee with other people"

Your "normal" way:
"bastage is going out on a date and starting an affair"

Your "new" way:
"Coffee? mmmmm... I like my coffee with a touch of cinnamon. I think that if he gets out more, maybe he'll lighten up. Poor guy's been working so hard. I should probably go out more often for coffee with friends as well. Maybe I could get some business leads and who knows, make some new friends. I don't get out much, myself."

OK, I'll admit I was just having fun with that one. The truth is, you are far too emotionally involved to even touch the coffee comment.

Honestly, coffee does NOT equal affair. TWO coffees does not equal affair. THREE coffees does not equal affair... Because you don't know that there will be emotional intimacy in that conversation.

Again, you might look at it this way:
"Why the heck does he need to tell me he's going for coffee? Or that he's going for coffee with someone else? This guy's got to get his priorities straight. As much as I might be hurt by my idea of what having coffee with someone else might mean, he certainly does not need my permission to do so. I should tell him a few jokes so that he can share them with his coffee date and maybe remind him to drum up some new business during the coffee date."