BUT!!!..... he means coffee with women! He made that clear.
Coffee is opposed to Dinner/dates, etc... as he has tummy issues!
I believe he was tellling me this, as we kinda agreed earlier in our separation that when we are considering that kind of position, we would tell the other. I think this was his way.
Due to inventory, we have been on the phone ALL day (the most talking we have ever done & last night too)... we managed to do so without an arguement (YAY)... then, shortly ago I had to send him notifications via text. And now he calls again... just to fill me in on irrelevant stuff (work related). Honestly, I "question" if he contacts me for "work", just as an excuse.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
BUT!!!..... he means coffee with women! He made that clear.
I GET that... which follows: "Since he's made it clear that we are not an item, then he is obviously confused since he doesn't need my permission nor approval. Even though we decided to tell each other if we were going to do so, all he said is he's THINKING of going for coffee with someone, not that he's dating someone. Really though, it's just information since we are not an item."
Originally Posted By: waitingformagic
Due to inventory, we have been on the phone ALL day (the most talking we have ever done & last night too)... we managed to do so without an arguement (YAY)... then, shortly ago I had to send him notifications via text. And now he calls again... just to fill me in on irrelevant stuff (work related).
Your "old" way of thinking: "Honestly, I "question" if he contacts me for "work", just as an excuse."
Your "new" way of thinking: "Honestly, some of the stuff we talked about was pretty irrelevant. He could be bored. Oh well, I've got to get ready for that cool GAL activity I planned today which will net me 10 points!"
Wonka ~~~ but WHY?? why not? I am cute!! and am working hard on me? What will it take for him to notice me, as a person..not just business? Why is is important for him to appreciate me in business but not personally?
Because H is in a fog which means confusion and numbness are the major indicators of his MLC actions or non-actions. His realty and perceptions are very warped at the moment. There is no rhyme or reason to his thought patterns because his innards are as screwy as C-3PO's in a robot junkyard. As long as your H is in MLC fog, it may take many more months or even years before he notices you. This is the harsh, cold reality of living with a MLCer. I am not going to sugarcoat this process for you in a "womanly/wife light", sweetie.
We don't know why he appreciates you in a business way because we have NO idea what his thinking is at the moment. It seems to me that he is wanting a business partner to help relieve the stress of managing his business because he has verbalized it to you.
he means coffee with women! He made that clear.
just his "coffee" comment...which is a sore spot for me.
The first and foremost IMPORTANT rule when DBing is to check your pride and self-righteousness at the door. After this first rule, the SECOND most important one is this: The only person you can control is YOURSELF.
From my vantage point of view, you are spinning into a tizz over H going out for coffee with other women. That is no biggie in the grand scheme of things when you consider other DBers here with MLCers who are actively engaged in FULL-BLOWN emotional and physical affairs that have gone on for several months and years!
Coffee? Please...come on, Magic. And even if H is actually going out for coffee with other women, you are still borrowing trouble with your assumptions and whirling thoughts. He may or may not go out for coffee with them at all. You have ZERO control over H or the situation. I can see that you DO want to control the situation. It is not helping at all.
GRRRR...this is when the edit button would be kinda nice to have.
I posted:
As long as your H is in MLC fog, it may take many more months or even years before he notices you. This is the harsh, cold reality of living with a MLCer. I am not going to sugarcoat this process for you in a "womanly/wife light", sweetie.
What I meant to say was:
As long as your H is in MLC fog, it may take many more months or even years before he notices you in a "womanly/wife light.". This is the harsh, cold reality of living with a MLCer. I am not going to sugarcoat this process for you.
Wonka that is really interesting and helpful take. My H's slew of women are pretty fugly. And granted I'm going to think I'm better no matter what, but seems like right now it's all about quantity and quick fix and easy to cut ties. It seems like a lot of the mlcers notice, the more the lbs is aloof, the more they take note. But who knows what they are thinking for sure.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Was just accused of ignoring H's calls. I want to text or say this:
I would prefer that you ask me questions of your concerns before making a judgement. its not right or fair that u think i am doing something I am not. dont assume, dont believe rumours, and dont mind read. If you want to know something, please just ask.
I am adding in about rumours as he believes I am "dating"... or being chatted up by someone. He is convinced from a rumour he heard. Wrapping it all up in one.
Please advise ASAP
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
its unfair to make assumptions about each other. If you want to know something, just ask
OR
Pls dont make assumtions about me. Its not fair that you think I am doing something i am not.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I have only this one chance to respond as I am busy today and will be quite busy for the rest of this weekend. Long weekend busienss project. At least is a promotional / social activity.
Best response to your H might be: "Sorry you feel I'm ignoring you as that is not the case. I am available (insert time)."
Look, the reality is he DOES think you are ignoring him so he's telling you how he feels. If you respond back suggesting he's making assumptions, all you are doing is attacking him back.
If you feel you MUST say something else, do keep it short.
I will not be available after this post and not sure when I will be back this weekend, so I won't be able to respond if you ask for clarification or options. The above is all I can provide at this time.
I am cute!! and am working hard on me? What will it take for him to notice me, as a person..not just business? Why is is important for him to appreciate me in business but not personally? 