Hi Thumpered, I understand where you are coming from. I am finding it extremely difficult right now to live in the same house as my H. You never really do know what to expect from one minute to another. The roller-coaster ride really starts getting to you.
Hopefully you can find some peace at your new place. Perhaps some time apart will help both of you. I am thinking that might be what I need as well, space and time apart from H. Best wishes!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
The first night was a little tough. But easier than having to keep up a show till morning. I could relax when I wanted, I didnt have to always be thinking what the perfect response was gonne be. I dont have to watch the texting. At 2 am. It was prob the best night of sleep in 6 weeks. Not that thats saying much
So went to IC today. Had a pretty informative discussion. For the first time my therapist admitted that an OM is probably involved in some fashion. And then asked me if infidelity was a deal breaker for me, without hesitation I said yes.
I know in my heart I could eventually forgive, but not something I could ever forget about or be able to deal with the broken trust it all comes with. If you cant trust your spouse than whats the point.
So the wife off today getting new haircut and has already hidden her luggage thats been packed for another trip shes got planned starting Wednesday. Sure wish I just flat knew so I could file and move on or keep up with DB. Chuck tomorrow! Even my D17 thinks this next trip seems ominous. Of course we all know believe half of what she does and none of what you hear? Where does that put me again.?
For myself, I wonder if there is an OW involved.. but I have no evidence so I am trying not to dwell on it. I figure, if that is the case, the truth will come out eventually. Worrying about it too much does not do me any good. I feel the same way, that infidelity is a deal breaker. If that were to ever happen, I also feel that I would not be able to ever trust my spouse. Good luck with your session with Chuck tomorrow, I think I am due for a telephone session as well! I felt so much better after my last session. Have a good day
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I picked a woman attorney on purpose. She was insightful, and said she's seen 100's of MLC divorces, and tells her clients to be ready when they come back, because they almost ALWAYS come back at one point, whether its too late or not is usually up to the LBS not the WAS/MLC.
Thank you for this, it makes sense. If W and I get D, I'll be in no hurry to find a new partner. Likely won't even date. If she doesn't come back I'll be fine on my own. I really don't want anyone else's issues.
Regarding infidelity being a deal breaker...
Thousands of marriages heal after infidelity every year. Many go on to be better and stronger than they ever were before. I won't tolerate an ongoing affair, but I also wouldn't be adverse to working through trust issues after the fact. 21 years (30 inm my case) is a lot to give up on.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I purposely took a few days off from the site. Needed a break, got my advice from chuck, always very helpful.
Today my daughter texted wife, who's in Vegas again, to say I was bummed she hadn't called (I didn't know she'd done that), she thought she was helping. Needless to say my wife took it like I was trying to control her again, sheesh I can't win.
My kids are trying so hard. I took the kids up to Seattle to watch fireworks, always a great show. But, I already can't wait to get home to my new place and just chill a bit. I really just need a break from it all myself.
Fy, I understand what your saying, but at the same time, I'm not the one throwing the 21 years away. At this point I don't want to either, but at what point do you say enough is enough. I know it's now now/yet, but we'll see...........i guess.
H61, I guess we'll see how it all plays out. Things seem to have gotten word's.
Hi Thumpered, how is everything with you? Hopefully you were able to get some relaxation time in at your new place while you W was gone. I find I actually enjoy it sometimes when H is gone and I get some time to myself. Sometimes you need space too!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Had been doing so great, until today. Thought I was getting detached, wow was I wrong. Struggling mightily after a friend sent me a link of site that tracks songs playlists. My wife songs are all about another man, the high school boyfriend that got away etc etc. Guess there is someone else, wish she could just be honest, its a deal breaker for me.
Sorry you're having a bad day. I know this hurts so much.
Here's the thing with affairs/OP/infidelity during MLC - I know you said it's a deal breaker for you, but think of it this way...
I remember someone on here asking me if I really believed my H was in crisis. I said yes. Then this very wise person told me that while that person does not get a free pass, that it does explain why they are doing something so hurtful.
For me, so many things about my H were/are different. He is not the man i married. The affair is just one more thing.
So I will ask you the same thing... Do you think your w is in crisis? Do you believe she's not herself? Do you believe the real her is in there somewhere?
Now I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive my H (though I think I can). I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him. I don't know if we will be able to renew our M.
But I do know that when the time comes, I am willing to try.
This is still so early on for you, and I remember how raw the pain is. Don't consider yourself weak for needing to move out. You have to do what you think is best.
We're here to support you no matter what Thumpered. Maybe living apart will give you both some much needed space. Leave her to her teenage mentality of song lists and old boyfriends.
What new and interesting things are going on in your life?
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I don't think my wife is in a MLC, maybe. But for sure she is a WAW. So im not sure if the rules are the same as how to go about all of this. I read the WAS thread but it only gets one or two updates a week, so hard to get/see advice.
Maybe you can be both, I dunno. I know for sure infidelity is a deal breaker for me, I can forgive, but once that trust is broken I really don't see how you get it back.
