My journey continues... new fork.

[jp787]

MrCas.
Sounds like your really doing well, good to hear

[MrCAS]

JP... it is not an easy row to hoe sometimes. I get angry still but deal with it a constructive and proactive manner rather than destructive and reactive.

Sometimes I feel like saying things to my W just to get a rise out of her. Sometimes i just want to get her attention. However, before I have any interaction, I have to ask myself if this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. Is it going to help or hinder any progress towards my goal.

One of the new communication skills I have learned is when to shut the ef up. Hard lesson for someone who has lived their life as outspoken as I have. Some people around don't know how to handle the new MC. I don't give it much concern. I just go about doing what i need to do right now.

Today I am going to tackle cleaning a pile of stuff out of the basement and getting it set up the way i want it. I don't think about how my W would like it. It isn't being selfish. It is just doing what is best for me right now.

Yes, I have made some new friends. I am thankful and better for it.

[jp787]

However, before I have any interaction

This is so key! Being able to stop before you speak! Good for you, something I still work on. Hard but so necessary for change.

[MrCAS]

So... Big eventful day.

Movers were coming to get the piano. I had already told W several time in the past few weeks it was okay for them to come. She started emailing me constantly over the weekend about the movers coming. She finally texts me asking me if I am getting her emails and if so is there a problem...

Oh. No problem. She is only shacking up with some fat ass jagoff after leaving the house in a mess and walking away from every responsibility she had. Oh. No problem there... LOL!

So, I emailed her and said everything was still a go like I had told her before. In the series of emails I asked her to return the stuff that was missing. Denials. Then I asked her not to come to the house. No response.

So this AM, the doorbell rings and she and the movers are walking around to the back of the house. She opens the garage door and I find them all in my basement family room. I was a little set back but kept inside and figured so what. I just feel that it was very disrespectful.

She found the cribbage score board her grandfather made and I had set aside for her. She thanked me for saving it and putting it into the Goodwill box. She had had fears that is where it had ended up. I told her "No problem.

She started dragging this park bench we had outside into the garage so I helped her get it out and into her car. I surprised her by the look I could see on her face. So I asked about some of the stuff that was left. Turns out the one table belonged to her BF so i told it needs to go.

So she looks at me, after a fashion, "wow! You have lost some weight. Looks good." Yeah. I was styling my new black slacks and a black T shirt. I was looking and feeling pretty sporty... All I said was "thank you"

Then after the movers took off, she asked if she could meet my dog. So she did. She loved him. He's my buddy. I was glad he didn't snap at her like he sometimes does with strangers. Eeeps.

Funny. I did not feel the sweeping emotions I had thought I would. I was not angry to to see her. I didn't feel any romantic feelings, either. It kind of bothered me that what I felt the most was pity and sorrow for her. She looks terrible. Her hair looks awful. She has gained a lot of weight since I last saw her. She is becoming round. What a shame.

So I went to the doctor's office early this afternoon... He was ecstatic with my weight loss... My A1C was 6.2... BP was great... liver enzymes were great... kidney function was excellent... So, he wanted to talk about personal stuff. No idea why but I told him about counseling with my pastor and the psychologist. Told him what changes I have made. He asked about the marriage (he also sees my W). He told me that he was glad one of us is acting like an adult. Ouch! You can guess he was not referring to the female half of our marriage... He said he is very impressed at where my mind is at. It seems like I am in a good place. Nice!

So then I went to Kohl's and bought some new kitchen stuff because I got a monster gift card from my sister. Bought some new shoes, too. Yes. Shopping for new shoes can be therapeutic. Indeed!

Thanks for listening.

[uRworthy]

Hiya M,

I was a little set back but kept inside and figured so what.

Yippee!!!^^^^. Good on you.

I surprised her by the look I could see on her face.

Yippee again!!!.

I was styling my new black slacks and a black T shirt. I was looking and feeling pretty sporty...

You go, M.

Funny. I did not feel the sweeping emotions I had thought I would. I was not angry to to see her. I didn't feel any romantic feelings, either.

Yea, that happens when someone hurts you like that.

So I went to the doctor's office early this afternoon... He was ecstatic with my weight loss... My A1C was 6.2... BP was great... liver enzymes were great... kidney function was excellent...

That is the best part of all! ^^^^

He said he is very impressed at where my mind is at. It seems like I am in a good place. Nice!

Attaboy.

So then I went to Kohl's and bought some new kitchen stuff because I got a monster gift card from my sister. Bought some new shoes, too. Yes. Shopping for new shoes can be therapeutic. Indeed!

Nice sis. Yea, the shoe thing - I so get it.

So, M, you did great! So proud of you and happy that you didnt have the sweeping emotions you thought you would.

[MrCAS]

Yeah. It has been a tough row to hoe these last seven months. I feel as though I have been more personal growth than I did in the last 20 years.

However, it has been rewarding in so many ways. I hope that I can repay the gratitude I feel by helping others through their own personal sitches like so many have done for me.

Just love my new New Balance shoes. Yeah. They will go great with my outfit I have on... LOL!

[MrCAS]

I had a rough day today. Weekends seem to be the toughest sometimes.

I went to church this AM... It was awesome. Saw some people I knew and they all did double takes and almost didn't recognize me. Nice!

Went window shopping for stuff for the house. On the way home I went through a rectal cranial inversion... Started feeling angry about my W. Started doubting everything I am doing.

So, I pulled over and had a talk with myself. I asked myself what can I do about any of the past? Hmmmm. Nothing. What could you possibly say to the W that will magically change her mind? Hmmmm. Nothing. What can you do for the W that will speed her along her journey? Hmmmm. Nothing. What would I change about the journey I have taken the last seven months? Hmmmm. Nothing.

Well! So, after my little talk to myself, I bitch-slapped myself and went to the store and got some groceries. Yup... Got me some salad... some good dressing... some cottage cheese... a bunch of bananas... and a big ass submarine sandwich. Oh yeah.

Came home and worked in the yard. Got a bunch of stuff done.

Feeling good, Louis!

[LBH_LC]

I had a rough day today. Weekends seem to be the toughest sometimes.

Yeah, they are for me, too. Especially with this heatwave when you don't want to leave the house.

Went window shopping for stuff for the house. On the way home I went through a rectal cranial inversion... Started feeling angry about my W. Started doubting everything I am doing.

Boy, do I know what that's like!

So, I pulled over and had a talk with myself. I asked myself what can I do about any of the past? Hmmmm. Nothing. What could you possibly say to the W that will magically change her mind? Hmmmm. Nothing. What can you do for the W that will speed her along her journey? Hmmmm. Nothing. What would I change about the journey I have taken the last seven months? Hmmmm. Nothing.

What a great way of looking at things! I'm going to have to remember that!

Lefty

[labug]

MrC, you're getting this but it is painful at times.

Weekends are still sometimes hard for me.

[labug]

But the good news is now it's not the WHOLE weekend, it may be a part of a day or a few hours.