WAW just said that she wants to move on

[Thumpered]

I think that's was an EXCELLENT idea actually!!!

Hope your doing ok!! Was a terrible weekend to GAL for me, 105 all weekend so far. I couldn't get myself off the couch, feet sitting in ice to keep cool.

[Confluences]

Man, Thumpered, I laid on the sofa and watched British Open Golf on live TV for the past 2 days, while it was 90% humidity and nasty outside. I did my late evening exercise outside but was on lock-down inside by design. Make yourself get outside and walk for an hour with the iPod in your ears so that you can disconnect from reality, even if it's late at night. That works best for me on a daily basis. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Thumpered]

Well I've been working on my new place, went and bought a new air conditioner, took my kids to a carnival. Really struggling to come up with some better GAL ideas, as by the time im done working all week (been over 100 for 2 weeks) and I work outside, im shot. Been catching up on a lot of missed sleep thou. With the heat, my diet has been awful too.

I so wanted to go for a run, but my skin was melting after 10 minutes.

[Confluences]

Hello All~

Looking for some feedback here as I have been doing some introspection over the past few days and reading/re-reading a lot into Michelle's DR Book regarding the comments on page 151:

***There is no clear way to tell when "over" means "over" and when it means "over, maybe".***

Yesterday, Monday 7-29-13, marked 4 weeks since I have had any contact with my Wife. There's a hole in my heart but I am hoping to get going with a 6 Session Coaching next week as some large transactions should fund next week (money is allocated and being processed)....which I thought would have been funded by May and resolved most of the financial issues surrounding my marriage (which has been a 4 year nightmare....and quite understanding of why my W became a WAW).

One of the things that I have done since our July 1st conversation when she said she wanted to "move on" (which lead to me finding the DB/DR Books and this community...a life saver as far as I'm concerned) was that I went back on an Online Dating website where I met my Wife back in 2003. I wanted to "Act as if" we did get a divorce and I had to start dating again and that I would consider this medium again but approach it in a different manner. Anyway, I really found some quality, attractive women in my age range (early 40s) that have never been married and was quite stunned at it. Yet, I simply cannot convince myself to reach out and contact them or join the website again to interact with these women.

I have become a firm believer in it Takes one to Tango and I want to give this coaching thing a try so that if my Wife and I do not work-out, I will know that I did not walk away prematurely to pursue other women. I feel like I would be dishonoring myself and the real possibility of us working things out and getting to that past these fixable problems and taking our marriage to a new and wonderful level.

I know my Wife is in Charleston with her Sister and her 2 kids to spend time with them for a week but I have not had any contact with her for a month, which [censored] but this website and these books really saved me during this latest crappy phase and I am so grateful for it. My Wife has been nothing but ungrateful to me and so I have done nothing until I have gotten some of these financial matters resolved to prove that things have changed.....which [censored] but that's my only option because actions speak louder than words.

Anyway, any thoughts or feedback will be appreciated as we've been apart for almost 4 months now and I feel like time is on my side to turn this thing around even if she feels it is over for us. Thanks, everyone for reading.

[Thumpered]

I think you answered many of your own questions in your post. Its about you, if u want to make that effort, then so be it. If and when its time to walk away, only you will know.

The community is gonna support which ever decision you make. I know the feeling of wanting to say you did everything you could to save your marriage.

If you cant get comfortable with the idea of dating, well, then its not time yet. Keep up with the changes.

I'll keep an eye out for updates, or venting. Good luck to you, I hope you find what you seek.

[Confluences]

I really have no interest in dating at this point, it's just a hollow concept to me right now. This journey about completing the task right now with the financial matters and then let things sort out, how they sort out from there. I've focused on mental conditioning (the whole act is if thought process) and not worrying what happens one way or the other. Being apart with no contact for almost 5 weeks now has given me clarity that I still want us to work but I want to be at peace with whatever outcome occurs but I hope she can give herself the gift of forgiveness. I know that all of our friends want us to work and her mother has told me that she wants us to work, so it's just about keeping a certain level of faith moving forward.

[slow_it_down]

What were things like during the first part of your separation? Did she communicate more with you then or has she been pretty withdrawn the whole time?

Not to plant this bug in your ear, but my H changed dramatically when he met someone else. He went from being on the fence to completely out with the flick of a switch. The seeing someone else isn't a death blow though... It just means that things tend to slow way down and progress might take a lot longer.

If she wanted to keep her ring on but then decided to end things, maybe she 'found something else' and is trying it on right now to see how it feels. Her mind might be a million miles away from you, but with patience she might come around to you yet.

Aside from the financial stuff, what else are you doing to improve yourself? What will she see has changed when she starts looking back to see what you've been up to?

[Confluences]

Thanks, S_I_D~

We were civil during the first part of our separation but I think I was honestly in a state of disbelief that it was actually happening. I helped her move into her apartment but things deteriorated quickly after that and we started arguing about financial matters. End of June until July 1st, she said that she was not seeing anyone but "wanted to be open to that possibility" (which I interpreted as someone probably asked her out for a date or something). I know that I was in MLC mode for the past few years and that I deserved her moving out on me and I've accepted that level of responsibility and really don't hold it against her. Now I'm just like whatever with her and I'm not going to beg or plead with her but I want us to work because I know there is a special relationship still possible if we get past this firestorm.

It all started out back in April as "all my girlfriends want us to work out", etc. and quite honestly they all told me in July that she should give it more time to work...I think they all see the same person that I'm seeing: someone with vetting out her justifiable anger and is being an ingrate and reprobate just to prove her point.

My Partner and I are getting close to getting funds cleared with compliance officers and the financial matters will be eliminated for good.....but actions speak louder than words and I have not completed the task and she does not want anymore promises...which I understand.

Once this is completed, I hope to take a 10 day trip out to Seattle in Sep and drive the PCH down to Monterrey. Basically, car camp by the ocean, take photos, play some golf, hit a few wineries, etc. I have a few buddies that will post the Picasa Links of my photos on Facebook (she blocked me from her page) so that she (and her girlfriends) can see my GAL travels without her there on this trip...as we've been there together before. The #1 goal is to decompress and relax but also to show her that life is moving forward with or without her in the picture.

She cannot file for divorce until 4-6-14, so I got some time for her to come back around but it's going to take effort. Might as well enjoy the journey without her and show her what she's missing in the process.

Biggest improvement to myself is I lost 25 pounds via the Divorce Diet and all her girlfriends compliment me on my appearance but I think it made her mad as she has not lost weight due to her cooking habits. My stamina and self confidence improved and I've been wearing my skinny clothes that I could not wear for the past 8 to 10 years, which is surreal as I struggled with weight loss for the past 8 years. Went from 205 to 180...which is really nice for me.

Thanks for inquiry and thoughts...every bit helps.

[slow_it_down]

Confluence, that's great that you have a trip and other GAL stuff planned, but remember its for you and not to focus too much on making sure that her and her pals see it.

Aside from the financial thing and not breaking promises, do you have any other 180's in mind? What were her complaints that you can tackle to work on yourself? Money is a biggie but were there other things to address?

[Confluences]

A lot of it was GAL and me being simply a non-attractive person in terms of the Laws of Attraction. I went thru 3 jobs (layoff - Job Change - layoff) in 13 months back in 2008/2009 and we were forced to move from our place in Asheville to Greensboro. I showed up with a chip on my shoulder because I was so defeated and was a very bitter person, if I could hit the rewind button I wish we would have moved to Atlanta. I think things would have worked out very differently for us but that's my opinion.

My attitude was very crappy and it was MLC.....just always worried about money and getting some debts paid off...and not a pleasant person to be around. The biggest GAL I could do for me would be to get back in my kayak again, which is on the short-list of things to do. I have not done it regularly since 2009 and that took a big part of my soul away from me. I used to be able to go paddle 1 or 2 days a week for 1/2 a day and sometimes my Wife would come with me, sometimes not but it was a big part of my life. Golf and Mountain Biking would get boring but Whitewater Paddling always satisfied the adventure bug inside me.

If I get done what we're trying to get done here, I'll be able to complete an acquisition on a Student Housing Portfolio that I have been working on for 3 years that is located in the Mountains of NC. It's closer than Asheville (1hr & 45 min away versus 2 hours and 15 min drive time) and a badass project. Any girl would jump on this train but my WAW deserves to get on that ride as she sacrificed with me to get there. That's a tragedy but we get this worked out next week it will be done and maybe she'll come to her senses....or not.