Questions without answers...answers with questions

[MrBond]

He sounds like he's home drunk with a bottle in one hand and a bible in the other.

[Notlikingthis]

Dawn,

This is getting a little scary. I may be totally wrong but it sounds to me like he is in a very bad place. I'm don't want to alarm you but a I have a very good friend whose h was talking kind of crazy stuff. After running away from his family he went to visit his old friends all over the country (later she found out that he was saying goodbye). He lived in his car and was even arrested for trying to outrun the state patrol in Nevada. A few months after he came home, he went into the garage and took his life. Of course his bizarre behavior took place over a period of about 6-8 years so it wasn't that he just flipped out and did something that wasn't well planned out.

You could probably interrupt his text is a few different ways. He refers to God as if he's putting his life in His hands and then his comment about seeing how much damage He wants to do to me while hurting you sounds like a man who doesn't care if he lives or dies and knows that it will hurt you. He says that his family isn't important to him. Another reason to be concerned.

Not knowing your h's mental past it's hard to know what he's thinking. If it's just drama, which I hope it is, then he may show up. His cry for help is obvious. It's just a question of what will he do about Would you even know where to begin to look for him?

I hope that I'm totally off in my thinking here but having gone through this with my gf I know the pain that he must have gone through and then the guilt that she went through after.

Take care of yourself and follow your gut on this one. You know your h better than anyone else.

[Portia]

Dawn,

I am glad to read that you are sounding stronger. Because I think you will need that strength. After reading about your H's latest and that text I share NLT's concerns.

This sounds beyond MLC drama and it sounds like this is greater than simply a marriage issue. This sounds dangerous. Now you do know your H well. But it sounds like he needs assistance. Dawn is there anyone you can refer him to or any resource in your area that can assist you in persuading him to get that help?

I recognize that you cannot force him to do anything or go anywhere and I absolutely understand how you fear getting involved. But trust your gut and if it seems that his behaviour is beyond the drama, maybe seeking help as any of us would for anyone truly desperate may be in order.

I feel for both of you. Not any of us should feel like nothing matters.

[albamarie]

Well Mr Bond, I love the male perspective on this thread. You were just about right!

~ H had run away in despair over quitting his job. He went on a drinking, pot smoking binge for those days and lived in his car, which smells like a homeless man.

He parked around the corner last night and asked me if he could come home, while saying dont let me come home. He wanted me to punish him I guess. I walked around until I found him crouched in his car still talking to me, he was pathetic, didn't see me for a while.

We had a long talk last night about his actions and my boundaries, and this morning he opened up about his past, his pain, jealously, revenge, faith, and what he's accepting now as a problem in his present.

He admitted to being a work a workaholic in order to keep his mind busy so he doesn't have to face life, he just can't deal with the disappointments in life, and as he spilled lemon aid he says see, I just want a drink nothing goes right.

I couldn't help but laugh and say your such a cry baby, and he laughed saying I see that!

I do see these things about myself, I do hear what I'm saying these days. Sometimes, I don't even mean it, or I speak not really having heard the question in full, so I sound dumb. There is still some goodness in me, I'm not really a bad guy!

So today is a new day I guess! Stepping back these last few days was good for me, I didn't get depressed over nothing, and nothing really happend. I enjoyed my family and made a mean stew in the crockpot. H came home just I time for leftovers and is loving what he missed out on!

To be continued! I did tell him we are at the end of this, it's been too long!

[albamarie]

Thanks NLT and Portia, reading your words last night helped me keep my cool when he did finally show up, really, I needed that, I sincerely thank you!

Drama, ladies, that what it is, but to him it is very real, and painful. This is the first time he admits to being in pain, and hurting for a long time, good step!

My best to you, dm!

[RosaLinda]

oh Dawn, yes, you're right. We can see that it's all a lot of drama because we are healthy, but to your H, it is VERY real and VERY painful. It sounds as if you got really really strong while he was gone all those days, instead of falling apart like you might have once. You are doing so great Dawn.

I know that you truly love your H and want to help him to get out of this mess of a MLC. That he finally admitted that he is in pain IS a good first step. He recognizes that you are his lifeline to reality, not the loser alkie. Do you think he will try to get some help now, or does he have a plan? Maybe he would talk to your pastor?

Hang in Dawn, you are doing great.

[Notlikingthis]

Dawn,

Thanks for updating. I'm thankful he is okay and that he's opening up a little. This has been and will continue to be a difficult journey for him. He seems to rely on you for so much of his sanity! LOL A port in the storm is not what we really want to be but it works in the short term.

I pray that he continues to move forward and finds a way to deal with this without the crutches (pot and alcohol) that he's using now to mask and avoid facing his demons.

I love that you are cooking again. I am right there with you. Cooking has is the most relaxing and rewarding activity that I can think of. Well, maybe there are a few others but it's right there near the top.

Keep doing what you're doing with your h...it appears to have had some effect on him.

[ForeverYoung]

Great job Dawn. You just keep the home fire burning, (with those mean pots of stew!) and let H know you believe in him. He really seems to be looking to you for guidance right now... a good sign!

[albamarie]

Hi everyone! Happy Monday! I'm going to move forward today and put last week away!

H is looking for something from me.

Sanity....he has said I am his way back.
Guidance...he does trust me more than anyone else, ever!
Lifeline...he calls me a string.

He has also said I am the light he can turn around and count on when he's in the darkness.

So, what do I do with all of that? What's in it for me, what am I getting in return, better yet what do I want?

Not much right now. If we can maintain just a little of what we have right now, no EA, no OW, and some sense of ( or the illusion of ) the quest for sane living, I would like to just breath.

H is at work, I'm going to visit the grand-baby, look at the SUV I have my eye on, and maybe look into a course at school, kinesiology, heck maybe sing up and change careers!

One day, lets see if I can get thru, that's all I got!

[RosaLinda]

You are such an inspiration Dawn! Your H is right, you are his lifeline to sanity, his light and the person he can trust most. You ask what is in it for you? I guess the knowledge that you are keeping your H sane right now, as he fights his own battles and demons caused by his MLC. And the fact that if you want it, when he is out of his MLC, you can start working on your marriage again.

Go buy yourself a new car girl, get a new career, and kiss that baby. Live!