OK, I have a really fantastic family and circle of friends, and I cannot imagine trying to integrate someone into this wonderful network. I have worked soooo hard to rebuild my life, and I feel that I do not want to jeopardize what I now have. Does this sound insufferably smug, or close minded?
i'm jealous - but , as ray says "love will find you" if it's meant to. ta da--- all you have to do is exist apparently-
forgot to say- much like ajm - i have to stop myself sometimes from thinking it's all soooo "difficult" -
and remember waaaaay back to the beginning. when you're in love with someeon right - it's alllll so easy. nothign feels hard or difficult or like you don't want to bother-
I sent my xh an e-birthday card! Feeling a bit like St Beatrice of general niceness right now. He seems to like these things
I must say his behaviour is currently extremely odd. My youngest son is travelling some way to see him tomorrow, and xh simply stopped replying to all emails and phone calls from son for the past week, trying to finalise the arrangements. We are talking email, texts, mobile and landline calls to numerous numbers It wasn't until son said 'I must hear confirmation or I am not coming' that a response was finally forthcoming.
Since xh instigated and paid for the trip it all seems very odd. Youngest son is pretty stressed out about the trip, as xh has indicated that he wants to talk after all this time. As son says - is it going to be Dr jekyll or Mr Hyde? He is also ging to tell him he is engaged - didn't realise xh didn't know yet, although he may have picked it up off Facebook in some way (I don't 'do' the alt and my kids do not in any case believe in 'friending' their parents. Which I totally support)
Anyway he has an escape route planned if things get tense. The agreement is no OW on the scene. We shall see. MLCers are very good at disregarding agreements, as we all know. I think it is very courageous of my youngest son, and kind after all the truly awful things my xh has done to him.
Needless to say I am totally supportive of this trip even though it cuts into my vacation time with son and financee (she is going along with him for moral support)
That was a nice gesture on your part Bea! Of course H liked it!
And it is big and brave of your son to go to see him. What will he do if OW shows up?i keep thinking of my sons and grandkids and the Russian Tramp. Do these OW think they will be accepted into the loving bosom of the family as a step mother? By cutting us out of their lives, our Hs are losing so much
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
By cutting us out of their lives, our Hs are losing so much
Yes, but that isn't how they see it!
If OW2 shows up he will be polite and then leave. He was very clear that this was time he wanted to spend with his father. It would be very foolish of xh to go back on that arrangement, but both my son and I know that xh will not necessarily stick to what he has agreed to.
Bea, It was very nice of you send him birthday greetings. I hope that he will acknowledge your gesture.
I am hoping that everything will work out w/your son's trip. It could be that your h is a bit afraid of seeing his son after all of this time and doesn't know what to say. It will be an interesting trip and I really do hope that he abides by what your son as requested...no ow there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, my xh is so confused and entitled that he probably sees the card as no more than his due. He was really upset that I didn't retrieve the picture I had given him for his birthday from the framing shop where we had taken it a couple of weeks before he left me. When i suggested he could have collected it himself he said 'It was my birthday present' Sounded a bit like Gollum to me!! LOL
My goodness I can laugh now, but back then, a different story.
I still find bdays a bit sad - we always had a big family party for XH. Still I am sure OW puts together a lovely day.
A flurry of activity with xh. Last night I got a nice email thanking me for the ecard, and then this morning I get a call from xh offering quite a generous financial package from him to help youngest son this coming year, and I couldn't get him off the phone. Only my plea that my concrete was going off finally stopped the flow in spite of his saying how much he had to do to get ready for youngest son's visit. He seems to want my approval, as someone wisely pointed out.
Then I check my emails and find an email sent prior to the phone call about our financial settlement which is actually FINALLY closed off with his recent birthday. Due to a small error he found (my goodness where does he find the time to do all of this checking?) it turns I owe him a small balancing sum.
This is what I replied. (I refrained from asking him if he wanted interest on this). Less than $40 after a lifetime together, and an offer to youngest son worth so much more than this. What is going on? Wouldn't any sane person just write off that amount - I certainly would.
Quote:
No problem - I actually find it hilarious. The laughter alone is worth the money. I suppose if I didn't laugh I would cry to think that our life together has at its ending been reduced to a final request for a balance of $38 owing. Says it all really
This is a first for me. I usually ignore his stupidity and meanness, and never allude to his behaviour. But since youngest son is going to give him a hard time when they meet later today, I thought I would also call him, for a change, on his stupid behaviour. I have had enough. It is official. We can do without his offer to youngest son if push comes to shove.
Bea, He wants to look good in the eyes of his younger son, but on the other hand, he's calling you to task for a small amount of money. It's the mlc mind hard at work. I can remember when my xh called me to task about a gas credit card charge of $10 and wanted to know when I was going to reimburse him for it. Now, keep in mind, I had just paid for a complete tune up of his vehicle and his lawyer's fees on two joint credit cards about 4 weeks after he left.
Bottom line, it doesn't matter how much they spend, but they sure as h@ll want what they think is owed to them. I don't blame you for calling him on his behavior. $38 is a drop in the bucket when you think about it.
I hope and pray that things go well between your son and your xh today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
