Your all right in saying I am to stay back, be cautious and let him win me back.
Winning me back is not on his agenda just yet. I really think I am still dealing w a person who is so depressed he doesn't know which way to turn.
He told someone the other day how much he hates himself, he want's to suffer. I stayed quiet as he said he didn't want to be here anymore, my thoughts were, here on earth H?
He's a hot mess and never going to get better w/o help and meds.
Days off are spent in despair, depressed and angry about what he can't have in life. Good days are spent talking about all the things he's going to do on days off to improve his life.
I am not on that cycle. Today he throw his sandwich down the stairs and said you don't understand my anger, D19 spat "I don't give a F***" when he realized she was even in the room at the time he started to clean up real quick.
So was the theatrics for me. He told her he wasn't talking to her, and I said well I think she summed it up real well.
I don't want this. As I continue to say he can leave today. When there is not H there what am I holding on to, I can hold a memory better when he's not here squashing it.
I have not concerns of loosing him as there is nothing left to loose, I grieved the loss a long time ago.
I provide him a safe, clean, loving environment, he is a creature of comfort, but he is trying to gnaw his own hands off at the thought of being here, literally. Eating everything in site, lazy, and then speaking one word sentences with a long face of despair.
Tomorrow he works a gig, and will be "turned on" until he slows down again.
I am doing a wonderful job at living my life, doing everything I love again and more. I have started cooking big meals again as the weather has broke, and am stashing away every extra dime.
Spent the day getting D19 ready for class, kissed the baby and made plans for tomorrow even. Today H's friend said H is truly a bless man, to bad for him.
He knows it he says, he just can't enjoy it!
Nero, I wish you could contact me when you feel you have something to say.
I am in a good position regardless of what he decides SailingAlone, and even if I am the one to decide.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
you're sounding sooooo in control and calm - i'm soo happy for you & good new attitude.
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I have not concerns of loosing him as there is nothing left to loose, I grieved the loss a long time ago.
I provide him a safe, clean, loving environment, he is a creature of comfort, but he is trying to gnaw his own hands off .....and then speaking one word sentences with a long face of despair.
oh mannnn - your pma is soo strong & good sounding despite such a bunch of real dreary - bs to deal with. i'm sooo sorry for your H - what a miserable & unhappy man he sounds like and i share your frustrtion- witout somekidn of signigicant help or medication- you are soundignso like you've got this under control in yourh ead &h eart - and that's huge.
good to hear ya - gladyou're gtoing about your life-
eek
jake has a dirty diaper and needs bottle and taylor is jacking me around touching things she knows she shouldn't- oiy
Dawn, You sound so much more settled, i.e., calm. I think you are beginning to find your way again and if you are fixing big meals again, that's a sign you are digging yourself out of the dark hole.
How is the little one doing? Are you getting spoiling the little one? They are so innocent and loving at that age because you hate for them to grow up and experience the world as it is today. Love the little one as much as you can because they sure do grow up fast.
As for your h, the drama was all for you. He was acting like a spoiled little boy who was throwing a hissy fit. I'm glad your daughter spoke up. It brought him back to the present and I'm sure he wasn't too happy that she heard him.
Please try to enjoy your day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sounds like you are in control of yourself (this is good!!). Please take the time to decide what you really want. Allow H to prove to you his intentions.
Congrats on Jayce !!!
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
More drama last night, h didn't come home when his gig was over at 6 pm. He went drinking with some guys and then parked outside old night job to sleep in the car.
We spoke at midnight as his drama was in full force saying he can't live here anymore, he doesn't know how to be in our home around the family. He hates it here. I said ok, move out.
Later that night he calls me back angry, because i guess i was agreeing he should leave, asking if he should come home.
I said I will not answer that! But, you will not leave your stuff here if you don't live here, at least your immediate needs and tools must be picked up. He said no, I'll just leave, I chuckle, Ok h do what you have to do, your in the car, I'm in our bed It's 2am and the grand baby is coming tomorrow, so I'm getting my rest.
I get a text this morning...morning early Dawn, I just need to keep working and I will be ok, just keep working or I will not be right in my mind, I can't handle this anymore. I'm at work now!
I did decided it was nice here last night w/o him, I woke up at peace, he woke up from the back of his SUV with hide away seats. What am I complaining about, I didn't do anything, nor am I being punished.
Snodderly, your right, cooking is a great sign for me, I like being nurturing and love presenting a big meal, it all about me. Baby is great, my son has been staying with mom helping out better than some H's have ever done, I have to say my h was excellent tho. Those two have risen above a not so traditional circumstance and are making it work for baby!
Yesterday's over today will bring it's own challenges!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn do you mean that H has started working at his night job again, or that he was just sleeping in the car over there? I think you handled this drama pretty darn well. Typical that he got angry when you agreed that he should leave when he said he hates it at your house and he can't live with your family.
My H has said that to me a couple of times. The first time I cried, but now I just say "I'm sorry you feel like that." "Okay move out" may or may not be good DBing, but I think that was a great answer I feel sort of sorry for your H Dawn, he sounds like he is really losing it. Poor guy. I'm glad he has you for his anchor, and I hope that he makes the right decisions and tries to woo you back before you are completely done!
I'm glad you had a nice night sleeping alone. Alone does not necessarily mean lonely right?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
No, alone is not always lonely, but heck I am a youngish viable women and am not sure how long I want to continue to be alone without my SO while my kids all have theirs around. When did I become the 3rd wheel?
He is not back at the job, he is only hanging outside of it an seeking refuge or familiarity, he called it ''he's panicking" because he doesn't have anything stead to replace the steadiness of it.
He's a puppy who's been put out for being naughty and is curled up a ball next to something comforting. It's a fricken brick building for heaven sakes. He's not home again today.
Grandson brought his parents over for lunch today. My S still lives here but I treated it as a new homecoming for everyone. It was nice, and h missed it all to hang out!
I am DBing still, not all my words sound like it but my H has a extreme tolerance for my truth, he prefers when I am strong.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
You continue to be strong Dawn, I'm very impressed!
H is massively confused and spinning. Doesn't know how to move forward through the tunnel.
I know you will continue to be there for him, because that's what a loving spouse is supposed to do. Probably what he would've done for you, had the tables been turned.
I know the DB wisdom says that they have to figure everything out for themselves, but I truly believe some can't do it without help. I wonder what would happen if you requested, maybe even demanded, that he seeks help. He may be looking to you for that truth and strength right now.
At the very least it's worth a shot before you give up.
Remember to reward positive behavior.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I know the DB wisdom says that they have to figure everything out for themselves, but I truly believe some can't do it without help. I wonder what would happen if you requested, maybe even demanded, that he seeks help. He may be looking to you for that truth and strength right now.
~FY, you know this is not a bad idea. We were mulling around the idea of going to a male clinic when I explained to him that the commercial for Ageless Male is only touching the surface of low testosterone. He was showing interest in learning more about how this could be affecting his strength and moods, but I agree he also needs mental guidance from a professional.
At this point I don't know what I'm dealing with, and I cannot get to involved for my own sake. He is going to have to come to me. I cannot jump in the fire again, today's MLC seems to be a different/new twist that I can honestly say scares me. This one is too bold, and smarter, and has learned a few things over the yrs.
~ H is still Mia, tho he did go to work yesterday, he never came home again. His text said he's in panic mode and being home makes him worse.
He has a last minute call today but nobody can get a hold of him to let him know. His client called me as my cell is the "office" line looking for him.
This is way too much for me to want to get anywhere near, this is not like last time were I was all emotion without thought, I am very coherent and know that this fire is hot.
I actually prefer he not come home, he has enough clothes I guess if he can get them washed, but he is missing a lot of his work gear he cannot replace just by walking in a hardware store.
If he shows up I'm not sure what to do, I guess let it play out and see what part of him he brings, he was insistent last we spoke that I take care of the home and enjoy the family, the checks will keep showing up direct deposit.
This is a deep fall he has taken backward and I'm afraid he's never going to come out of this. When he says he can live in the street, and sleep in our SUV, I see him becoming and alcoholic homeless man eventually losing everything about himself.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I know who you are and what I am, keep it that way. Let Him who is above judge me on your behalf. I want to see how much damage he wants to do to me while hurting you as well. You, me, family, these things are not so important to me anymore.
This is the time for the really good to hold ground. And, this is time for good-bad to pierce that ground even tho he looses himself.
This was a text I received from H that has been MIA for 4 days now. WTF! Please, I look forward to hear what anyone else hears in this, other than the pain of a lost man.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I feel sort of sorry for your H Dawn, he sounds like he is really losing it. Poor guy. I'm glad he has you for his anchor, and I hope that he makes the right decisions and tries to woo you back before you are completely done!