Well, I decided to stick with my car after all and help invest in a car for my D19. Otherwise, she's just going to keep borrowing whatever I buy.
I did kiss the baby, I wanted to fall asleep on his little cheek while smelling his little neck. There is a peace in being with him and I am so grateful for that.
I am waiting for the school to call me back about the program, meanwhile I am looking at jobs around town now that the college kids have gone back.
H is home today making D19 breakfast for her first day of class. He is talking to her a little more and making small jokes, as I pass the kitchen he calls me over to a plate he made for me as well, I made sure to be thankful.
Last night, not really used to being home at night still, he was in a giggly mood, smiling as he nestled into a sleep position!?? He's been this way since he came home Fri night after is MIA binge.
I know nothing...I'm just going with the flow and continuing to do my own thing. He has invited me to join him for ice cream, or a movie, or to raid the fridge at midnight, sometimes I take him up on it, other times I politely decline.
What he is going tho is still his journey!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn, You sound like you are in a much better place. When you manage to pull/step back, you can begin to see things clearly and I think that is where you are right now.
I'm sure you are happy to have the college students back in school and have the home pretty much to yourself these days. I'm sure your daughter is looking forward to returning to school as well after a long summer.
When babies sleep, they are such innocent, peaceful little ones. They have a scent all of their own and to smell that scent, it can make you peaceful as well. I'm glad you are able to spend time w/him.
I'm also glad to see that your h is interacting w/the family. Making breakfast is a big step for him and I hope he continues to heal and become the mature man that he needs to be.
Dawn, I hope that you are taking some time out to do things for yourself too. You need to continue on w/your journey, just as he is.
Have a great day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hi and missed ya. as usual- yikes! your life. hang on- i'm doing okay- hospital, insanity, mlc- h & everything aside.
you sound good as well so yay.
i'll be back when can- need to check in with mom at hospital-
like the thought of you kissing that baby and sucking in the smell- too bad we can't bottle that huh??? made me shut my eyes and think back only five or so days- seems like ayear ago already. baby hugs & sniffs... even sweaty little wacky kid sniffs (4 yrs - fla sweat blossoms that we all were) jumping around in that heat with costumes & tulle fairy skirts & spangles, etc.
everyone's answer to life's insanity- one whiff and let your brain roam away with it...
That's it! simple! we can chat in real time, anytime. and say anything! I could show you a pic of, baby smells so good! Oh, Nero, I hope you can...we've been talking over a yr now!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
My h said that when he says he wants to move out, there's nothing behind it, there weak words, but now he's faced with it coming out of my mouth, and it's means something.
It gives him pause enough to reflect on the fact that he's going to be lossing his W, his family, and his home.
But, he doesn't know how to break it with EA, he spent all day yesterday helping her move to her new apt.
I told him don't....just move out...and he won't have to worry about decisions any more.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Hi TS, Glad you posted, I am getting a little nervous as I inch my way toward putting my boundaries out there, and staying consistent with my decisions.
~~~ Well, it certainly didn't give him pause enough to not go help ea. I asked him if he was aware of the sitch, and how leaving to help her was going strengthen my cause.
He said yes, followed by, it's not about ''her'' tho, it's me.
We spent some one-on-one time being honest about our lives and he revealed some thoughts to me. I gave him some of my opinions on his character and behaviour and made my way to saying..."you told me losing everything means nothing to you one time too many times".
I said I have some options for the future and one of them includes taking the mortgage bank up on their offer for a free value assessment. He said give it time, I haven't made any decisions, I'm not leaving.
''But, you're not here either, and I am done with that''. We discussed how I feel about him today and my need to move forward with someone who will have me in their thoughts, and my best interest at heart.
I said, I'm done with his everyday concern with ea, and need to help in order to get that at·ta·boy he craves, while believing he is worthless to his own family. I'm not trying to change that, I just don't want to be around it anymore.
He admitted she is a monster and how he craves that strength in her to cut him into pieces and leave him to rot. I said, that's not a strength, that's hatred, and you and I will never heal, as long as you need this sick attention.
He said but I need you, I need your goodness to balance me, I said sorry, I have to worry about myself and be away from this sickness. He insists it's ok because there is not PA, I said that's because she won't, I believe you would because it adds to that character of rebellion, he agreed.
He needs to go, he's still very much in the ''grass is greener'' mode and believes he likes being miserable, he needs to experience all the dreams he has of being unaccountable to me.
Why won't he go? Does he really fear that will close the door to this family forever? I know he doesn't want to be with her in a R, but I am not his easy way to have both, his freedom, and me, like he wants.
The good thing is I am putting a lot of consideration into my choices and trying not to let emotions hold me back from going forward.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
