Sandi2's 37 Rules

[TryingToDo180]

I'm not a vet lost hope, but I think you are right in what you say. My problem is that my H didn't actually tell me why he'd left, I only got hints. What hints I did get though I've tried to apply 180 to

[mathwichi]

I don't get #29. A 180 from what again?

[TryingToDo180]

I don't get #29. A 180 from what again?

29. Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

Mathwichi, have you heard the phrase - actions speak louder than words? By following Sandi's rules then any small actions that you take, your spouse will notice. For example - When I started applying Sandi's rules and not contacting my H, all of a sudden he was contacting me more.
Hope this helps

[mathwichi]

Got it, thanks!

[TryingToDo180]

Got it, thanks!

That's good You're a quick learner I'm not very good at explaining things normally. How are you getting on with Sandi's rules?

[peaceSJ]

Here is my story. My husband and I are in early 40s and we've been married for about 17 years with two little kids. Most of time our marriage was fine except we didn't have much sexual life. In April of this year, my husband told me that he wants a divorce. He claimed that I didn't love him at all because most of time I didn't want sex with him. We are lack of initimacy. He was too frustrated about so many times when I rejected him for sex, so he decided to give up. I was so shocked. I agreed that I'm low interested in sex but that does not mean I don't love him. Actually I was trying to imporve myself. I know I loved him very much, and I did almost all the house work and take care of the kids. But he couldn't feel my love because I am a low sex driver. I admitted that's my problem. Since then I promised him I can make changes, and we also tried marriage consulor once. I even tried to initiate the sex with him. But he rejected everything. He doesn't want have sex with me any more, and said it has been too late and nothing I do can change his mind and soft his heart. When he said he does not love me any more, it hurt me so much. We are still living in the same house but in a seperate room. He closed the door every time when he was in his room. He even went some other cities by himself and didn't tell me where he went, leaving only me and our kids home.
Before I came to this forum, I did so many wrong things, such as crying, begging him, chasing him around the house, asking him to giving me another chance... but nothing worked.
I appreicaite it if some one here can give me some advices. Do I still have a chance to save our marriage? I really want ot save our marriage. I think other than the sex issue, we are good couple. I couldn't get to sleep every night, lost more than 10 lbs, and feel so hopeless and devastating now...

Is there any other things I can do to save our marriage? Not only for myself, but also for my two lovely kids...

[TryingToDo180]

Peace, is he still living with you or has he moved out? My marriage had the same problem, I lacked the intimacy that my H desired. Mine was low libido and repeated bouts of thrush. We also slept in separate rooms as my H snored and kept me awake.
All I can tell you to do is have patience, follow Sandi's rules at the top of the newcomers page and read divorce busting and divorce remedy.
Without knowing more about the current sitch, I can't advise you further, sorry. Hopefully others on here will be able to advise you further

[peaceSJ]

Thank you for your reply, Trytodo180. We are still living in the same house but in seperate rooms. I guess you and I have the similar situation. My husband and I slept in several rooms for several years for two reasons: 1) each of us take care of one kids when they were little; 2) his snore always kept me awake. But he agreed to this arrangement until lately he said he wanted divorce. But I told him I don't want divorce. So currently he didn't do anything but slept in his room and refused to do anything together with me. He even rejected to take kids out together with me, and insisted either him or me to take kis out to play.
I want to improve the intimacy but he rejected again. He claimed it is too late and nothing can change his mind. He said couple times that he does not love me any more. It really really hurt.

[TryingToDo180]

I feel sorry for you and your sitch It must be hard living in the same house as him. Can't he find somewhere else to go? It would make it a lot easier for you at the moment.
I think you will have to accept everything he's saying to you at the mo and lovingly detach from him. Have you read Divorce busting or divorce remedy? They are two good books to start you off
Read Sandi's rules at the top of the newcomers page as well. They are a good guideline for how to live your life when your H says that he doesn't love you anymore. Take care and keep us posted. We're here for you

[peaceSJ]

Thanks again. It is so hard to detach from him. I know how much I love him... and also everytime when I think about our two little kids, my heart is broken. I don't have any family member here and only have a few friends in this country. I came to USA only because my husband liked to live here... now I cannot imagine what my life will be without him. I don't want to give up him though I know I lost him already...I'm feeling so lonely now.
I started reading divorce remedy now...Thank you for your support.