I am 49, my husband is 51. On Labour Day he blindsided me with the basic mid-life crisis jargon... something has always been missing (27 years together 26 of them married), I want someone who I want to say I love you to every day, and have happiness. We are just two different personalities, I asked how did you stay with me so long... he says.. I am a kind person. I asked him to take some time to consider what he was proposing... and to let me absorb the many more comments... its been 4 days. And.. life seems the same-ish... I don't know what to do.
Next time she says something negative give it right back to her. In your post above, you could have said this (it is not just you that needs fixing, her control issues aren't right!) in a calm but assertive voice:
"Wife, I too have been thinking that our relationship hasn't been working. I didn't want to say anything to make you upset or think that I don't love you. I love you and you are the most important person to me and I want to have a loving, caring, safe, mutually satisfying marriage with you. I am glad you are my wife. The roadmap is a great idea. We should both share our roadmaps together. When you get back from vacation lets schedule a day that we can discuss our roadmaps together, how does tuesday Sept XX at 7:XX sound to you? do you have another date or plan in mind? What do you think we should do and when"
1.) Her making this all your problem is WRONG, Selfish, and it took your ego and self confidence to a majhor low. don't let that happen, it is not attractive/.masculine.
2.) this statement is complimentary, empathetic, and gives her some work to do, not just you.
3.) this also helps you not take all the blame, it will uplift your ego and confidence. say it out loud now, and you will immediately feel better.
"Do what you can With what you have Where you are" - Theo. Roosevelt
hey nOObs, After you make an introduction, start a thread to post your sitch (situation). We'll find it. That way this can be just an intro thread and not a long thread discussion. Sound good?
"Do what you can With what you have Where you are" - Theo. Roosevelt
Thanks for the input Math... I actually ave started with the phone coaching from here and this was the same approach I was given to take. I found 10 articles and resources about co-parenting and then when the kids went to bed I approached her with the subject and told her that we needed to discuss this, but that I was giving her some time to read them and then we can see about a time and place that would be good to have a discussion. I don't usually bring up "serious" talks, but this time I did. It was pretty much out of character and my wife told me that she thought I was just going to try to avoid everything again and that she would again have to bring up the issues. I'm also not chasing her. She knows how I feel and even though it seems counter intuitive, I am involving myself more with the gym and doing things with the kids... Generally GAL and hiding the gut wrenching dispair I feel if I think too much about how I'm losing my family.
M 42 W 43 D 10 S 6 M 13 T 15 Wife wants to separate and says our marriage is over 8/30/13 Trying telephone coaching
I am 35, on July 25, 2013 Wife dropped the bomb as I was on the way home from work. I called her to see if I needed to stop by the store and pick up any needed items for dinner. She told me she wasn't at home and said she was leaving me. I first didn't believe her and thought she meant by leaving she was going to spend the weekend at her Sisters. Well.... it's now almost 2 months later. After the first few days into the next week it really started to sink in and I was devastated. I begged, I pleaded, I promised change! Nothing worked. I found DB and DR at the end of the second week she was gone. I have been using the LRT for the past month. I see some signs of improvement. But its hard to know if I'm making progress. We have a 6 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. I have contact with them daily as My wife calls to have me say goodnight to them. My wife is 32, I am 35 and we have been married for 12 years. I need all the help I can get. I have read DB and DR multiple times and am working on GAL, and LRT. I am planning on Phone coaching soon. I wanted to refine my goals first. Please help!
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
I am sorry for what you are going through, but I am glad you found Divorce Busting. I suggest you talk to a coach sooner rather than later, as they are experts in guiding you on how to stay strong and on track, so that you are more likely to get a break-through in your situation. There are sessions available as soon as tomorrow. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
We're in similar situations...though my kids are slightly older and we still live in the same house. I also found DB and got the books and the best thing I did to get phone coaching. I've only had one session thus far, but it will help you find direction. It may seem a bit expensive, but I think well worth it. When my wife sees the credit card bill she's gonna freak out, but what can she do? Leave me? That's already her plan. The phone coaching will help you refine your goals. The advice you get (or at least what I got) seemed a bit counter intuitive, but I'll danged if it didn't get results. Right now I am working on being a better me so I can be a great dad to my kids...the only person you can work on is yourself...be someone that people want to hang out with. Go and work on GAL and get a phone coach. I know it [censored] trying to put on a happy face when you feel like throwing up all the time, but you gotta do it for you and your kids...and then maybe the wife will follow.
M 42 W 43 D 10 S 6 M 13 T 15 Wife wants to separate and says our marriage is over 8/30/13 Trying telephone coaching
