And that I should start internet dating, that there is not even a 1% chance of our getting back together, that she thinks I am on a different plan than her (I said I was, that I am working on myself, for my sake) and that I should not count on anything changing her decision.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I'm scheduled to meet my French friend tonight - would it be appropriate to hash this stuff out with him? Being able to share with someone non-Internet seems wonderful just now.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Life is hard to live with this, but ending it is not fair to my kids, whom I adore beyond all measure. I hate being downstairs when my D is up, and my W is in the way. It should be said that D and W have a very close relationship, which complicates things.
W discussed selling house with dance teacher's W, and thinks it is a good time to sell because of low interest rates.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Yes, the kids notice our just coexisting state. Daughter gave me a searching look when I walked by her with my bedstuff, on the way to son's room, last night.
I'll tell the W she can close the door between our rooms if I bother her.
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
No, there was no "not allowed" stuff, though I would get glared at sometimes when I was with the others. The problem was that there are 3 rooms for 4 people upstairs. I basically just sleep down here (and work, as my study is here). We always eat meals together when we can - that is important - and fortunately that is downstairs also. It just gets darned lonely when I am down and the others are up in the evenings.
Friend and I are drumming to the setting sun, then going out for dinner after. Not sure I should spill my guts either, but maybe there is a light version. I certainly don't want to burden him or turn him off, plus he is a guy I like a lot. He and his W had a very difficult time in their marriage last year (his W told us so), so maybe there is some shared ground possible here.
We sort of drifted into this upstairs downstairs arrangement. W and D used to sleep downstairs sometimes, and me up... somehow with time it was just me here.
Do you like "you can close the door" solution?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
You have been changing. There will be pushback. Look inward and get clear in yourself. Focus on your strength. No compromise on that.
Remember that W's opinion is only her opinion. It is her job to make herself comfortable enough to sleep, not yours. The idea that it is something for you to consider is ludicrous. You are not violating any boundaries by insisting on sleeping upstairs (and even in the master bedroom). It is unreasonable of you to be doing otherwise.
The reasonable thing is to definitively state what you will be doing. The proper response to her objections is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." In a way that makes it clear that it is her problem to deal with and not yours.
I'm sorry for the pain, Luke. I'm sending you hugs. I'm seeing you in your red shirt and I'm seeing the fire in your eyes. Give yourself hugs and then follow the path of strength. Be confident that your path will get you through to where you need to be.
To put things in perspective, remember that nothing has changed. She is just making some noise in response to the changes you have been making. That's good. It means your changes have been noticeable. Ignore the noise and focus on what you need to do.
