Our mortgage expires this October and needs to be renewed then. My W has told the dance teacher we are moving next year. Rates are low just now, but appear to be on the way up. We need to decide what term to lock into for this next round. According to the bank, you can often take a cheap loan with you when (if!) you move, and also can offer it to those who buy your house or apartment. I feel we should take another 3 year term, which is at a higher rate than for 1 year, and which gives us this take it with you/sell it to the next person flexibility. My W may, I imagine, feel differently, and propose just 1 year.
An ideal opportunity to assert myself! I suppose it boils down to we both state our position and then negotiate? It'd be great to have this not turn into a barometer for how long we will still be married or live here.
Have proposed to meetup for sunset drumming at a local (lake) beach here on Saturday.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I meant "unexpected". Plus it was very concrete:"how will you do this? when do I see results? what are your next steps?" She knows a number of men in town that she thinks would be interested.
Yes, I suppose you all have been telling me this.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Okay, guys' evening is taking form (drum into the sunset, then head over to the restaurant of a chef friend), and men's lunch club also (EE is great for ideas). So that side seems good for now. A meetup and event for next Saturday are lined up.
One thing that would be great to address is the atmosphere of the conversations between W and myself. It sometimes feels like an impending doom is waiting, talk can be awkward, heavy, critical, dishonest. Is there some way to lighten up? I don't think an R talk makes sense, but how to loosen the heavy burden?
Taking daughter to a school party tonight.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Yes. But not talking to your W as if "impending doom is waiting".
That's not how she sees it. She sees it as a time of freedom away from a jail sentence of misery. How are you going to change that?
"I don't think an R talk makes sense, but how to loosen the heavy burden?"
Of course not. You have read DR right? You are going to have to learn how to communicate again with her. It's not something we can teach you. Just think back to when you were dating and more adventurous. You weren't so scared of saying anything. Be the same.
Stop being afraid.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Good for you Luke! Start doing! Now the real test will be if she challenges you. You have to look her in the eye and say "I am sleeping upstairs. You can do what you want, but that's what I'm going to do"
In the eye with confidence -- that's what she wants from you. You are not defying her, you're giving her what she wants.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
BD again. W says it is too late. She plans to sell the house, separate and move in spring. Says our ways are parting.Asks that I not sleep upstairs as she can't sleep and can't stand having me nearby. I said I would think about it, that I understood.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
