Hi there, I am new to your situation. I agree with Sd above... you stay at and sleep where you feel most comfortable. She is the one making the decision to leave, so she can deal with those consequences that go along with it. Claim your spot and stick to it she will survive. Does she plan on moving out temporarily until the house is sold (if that is the plan). I imagine that you need space away from her to process everything? Perhaps you can put some boundaries into place regarding living arrangements and when you will see her and communicate with her.
I am going through a similar thing right now. My H told me 2 days ago he is done and wants to separate. I have claimed the bedroom and he has moved to his brothers house temporarily until he finds his own place. I told him you are the one who wishes to separate, so you can be the one to leave. I certainly wasnt going to have him break up with me and then him boot ME out....lol.
Sorry for rambling on. Just my 2 cents Take care.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Sorry to hear of your separation. It sounds like you are setting the rules, though, which is good. Do you have another thread you are posting on? It'd be good to read more.
So even if W says that I am being unreasonable by not moving back downstairs, which I am not, I respond with something like "I have a perfect right to be up here, and anyway, you are the one driving this and so need to live with the consequences"?
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
L, I would first start with "I would like to stay up here. I have every right to be up here, and this is where I feel most comfortable at." Then, after that, if she still has issues, or tries to argue you could try saying something else. She has to realize there are going to be some consequences.
My thread is on the MLC forum... I have been in limbo with my H for a few.months..ugh.. and now he wants to separate and (this time) he seems more sure.
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
No need to explain the obvious to W. The important thing is that you have clarity and feel it. When that is the case, you can kindly acknowledge her feelings ("I'm sorry you feel that way") and just confidently continue with your *actions*. No explanations necessary.
To me it also sounds like you are feeling quite lonely and left out of interactions with your children. Try to think outside of the box and think of some new things that you can do with your children, that are just you and them. For example, what are their hobbies? Do they like sports? Could you start going for walks with them in the evening? Just hanging out? Board games? Or you could take them to see a movie in the theatre or take them out to a restaurant just you and them? You could try making meals together with them, teaching them how to cook? Something that will help you connect with them and get that bonding time.
To me it sounds like being in the house is dragging you down, making you feel not as ease. Maybe you can shake it up a bit.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I came home at 22.15, stayed outside an hour to build up my courage by rereading your posts and mentally rehearsing, came in quietly and went upstairs. W had taken my bed stuff downstairs again, so I just laid on the bed, clothes on, heart slamming, but no reaction from W. Was there maybe 2 hours, then had a coughing attack (I am coming off a cold) and came downstairs to not wake the others. Woke up down here.
Will go up again tonight, after dinner, though hopefully no coughing this time. I leave for the States on Wednesday morning, gone nearly a month, staying at MIL.
I am not sure what gives me the right to be upstairs, but I understand that she has no right to push me downstairs.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
she will survive. Does she plan on moving out temporarily until the house is sold (if that is the plan). I imagine that you need space away from her to process everything? Perhaps you can put some boundaries into place regarding living arrangements and when you will see her and communicate with her.