So you aren't divorced but are in a surviving divorce forum? Well if you want the advice to help you deal with the divorce, quit focusing on him, work on creating the life you want. If you are trying to save your marriage, again focus on making you better and stop thinking about him.
No marriage was ever saved by the left behind spouse pining after the walk away spouse. Quit giving him your power. Why would you want the man he is now...a cheater? You deserve better than that. Focus!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
know I am in the wrong forum. not D yet. the s has been a year. I come here to read, to vent, to remember what I am supposed to be doing. Its like my ears all clogged up. there are cobwebs in my head. I need to re-read. would like to find an empowering weekend seminar to attend. a getaway, a chance to recharge.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I think most of us here took a while to get over the disbelief that this was indeed happening. The marriages that I know of that have been saved are the ones where the left behind spouse truly moved on. Some were quite literally ready to move away and the walk away took notice.
By focusing on you, you will get to a better place where you will find some joy. You will be living for you and your kids. You may not save your marriage and that will be ok because in the grand scheme you will have saved yourself and your kids.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
thank you kat and fig for checking in. Yes, I deserve better! I have so many positives in my life. I am strong. I am a happy person who likes to laugh. I have actively started telling myself (again) to thought stop. To quit giving it space in my head. I can do this!
Next weekend s20 will be coming home to watch s17 race. We will all be there. looking forward to it!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
time to start a new thread.Im not D yet.still standing. h is mlc with ow in the mix.S for 16 months.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
1st night alone. d15 is at h apt. s 20 away at school. s17 spending night with a friend. The house is too quiet. I am pacing. I can't eat. I am thinking this is why God gave me a handicapped child. Because I can't be ( don't want) to be alone and she will always need care. I am having a pity party I am sorry. Just today, I thought, I am fed up with h. I am fed up with the lies. thinking maybe I am done standing. Don't know why I continue to stand.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Please don't say that. There are several of us here who have handicapped children. I am offended. I really don't think God gave him to me so that I would never be alone.
I didn't deserve the treatment I got from my ex husband any more than you did. I suffered just as you are and for a long, long time. But I learned how to stop being a victim. I learned how to rebuild my life. I did it one step at a time. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.
There are no guarantees in life. No one promised you that your husband would always be there. But God did give you your life and your beautiful children. And it is up to you to live a good life & to be there for them.
Start looking for the joy in things you used to love. Or find new hobbies & interests. It is way to soon to date when you are not over him. Do you go to counseling? most everyone here found help in doing so, I strongly suggest it.
And remember that this too shall pass. This awful time will become a distant memory & your feet will touch the ground again. Use the stop sign technique - learn to redirect your thoughts. I used to allow myself a total of only 5 minutes a day spread out through the day to think those bad thoughts - it worked.
It has been 12 years since it happened to me. Now I realize that there was a better life ahead for me. I just had to put one foot in front of the other & push fwd. I had to trust that it would be alright.
Barb, thank you for your reply. I do know that there is good in store for me. I do trust in God's plan. I am a spiritual person. I know the gifts that my h has given to me. I was in a so bad place yesterday. I am much better today. I do thought stop. It creeps in so frequently, but I know I should not give it space. I am taking classes and that has been so helpful( medical assisting). For the most part, I am doing ok. There are episodes of feeling overwhelmed. But, these pass. My children are a gift. I know how lucky I am.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I do understand. I went through it too. It comes and goes in waves. It is so important when it hits to realize that it will pass & not to be reactive in the moment. The things I said & did during that time were not my best choices.
I got a lot of great advice here but a lot of it I was not ready for at the time. Only after a while does it all become clearer. The problem is living in the meantime. But we all did it and we all got to the other side. You will too. Just keep living and being a good Mom & being true to yourself.
