Man, why is it that when you have the best times it causes the worst feelings?
I feel better now getting all that off my chest. It's true about W, and I spent a lot of time hiding her behavior even before BD.
But I went to drop off S11s friend at school (S11 is sick) and W pulled up and said S5 wanted to walk in with S11. I told her he was sick, but S11 piped up and wanted to give them a couple little things we got them at the zoo. It was sort of funny because S11 had tested out the toy by blowing in it, so I had to tell S5 we'd clean it. I just said bye to S5, and drove off. So I was civil to W, and left as soon as no further conversation was necessary.
God woke me up this morning feeling pretty badly about my anger. W COULD be an amazing woman and I need to focus on her potential not juat her bad behavior, and being angry isn't going tk
Jon. What would it be like if you had 48 hours actual zero contact?
2nd - It just struck me that I went from Friday at 1:48 to Monday at 8:30 am with ZERO contact, so 60 hours - and even then W drove over to me and initiated the contact. I basically spoke one polite sentence to W, then ended conversation, rolled up my windows and left. I got a letter for a bill of hers that's over due, so I just scanned it in and emailed it with no comments. Didn't text about it, didn't drop it off.
I know I'm on a bit of a roller coaster with the anger and stuff - I'm not even gonna try to pretend I'm not, but that's slowly fading even today. I think I just needed to have this weekend completely without W as sort of ripping off the band-aid kind of thing...
Man, sorry for all the little posts, but my boundary worked! I told W not to contact me about the piano again until she could speak civilly/politely (this as last Friday morning). She, of course, got mad and called me names, and I just ignored it.
So, today, I finally get: "Can you please let me know what's going on with the piano?"
Woohoo! It feels good to stand up for yourself! I will probably respond after a couple of hours, and maybe agree to move it into the garage or something.
I think she got used to be so cruel to you, it probably felt normal to her. Hopefully you made her realize her total negativity<--and that's putting it mildly from what I read in your posts.
Now, just don't let your anger get the best of you when returning positive chatter...
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I decided to not respond to W. About 5 hours later, she sent just "????". I decided not to respond again. I also am going to take S5 and D10 to the YMCA pool on Wednesday so I can just drop them off and not see W - that way I don't have to decide how to act at this point.
Interestingly enough, I had a great night - ate dinner with a friend, and went over to another friends house to watch some Monday Night Football. My one friend told me several people pointed out that they noticed I had lost weight, and was funny, relaxed, and just enjoyed hanging around with me. The guy that hosted our Friday night get-together even told my friend "YES! JonF is coming!"
In talking with several people, it was my first realization that everyone around me has given up on W. I'm not a doormat. On the contrary, I could walk away right now and everyone that knows us would know it was her - including her entire family that she now shuns. I could look like the loving devoted hero that stood with a horrible woman.
But I won't be that guy. Even if she pushes me into D, I will be the one that stood for her, fought for her, and never quit on her.
I'm glad I'm here. I'm not angry anymore, I'm not really expecting any changes from her, I'm doing this for ME, so that I can look back with honor, dignity, and knowing I did the right thing no matter what.
With every post I see growth in you. You can tell you have become a changed person for the better. Sure you slip up every once in a while. But I'll just bet people can see the light shining in your eyes now!
This is what I am looking forward to again someday, being a person with glowing energy. Keep up the good work.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
"But I won't be that guy. Even if she pushes me into D, I will be the one that stood for her, fought for her, and never quit on her.
I'm glad I'm here. I'm not angry anymore, I'm not really expecting any changes from her, I'm doing this for ME, so that I can look back with honor, dignity, and knowing I did the right thing no matter what."
Well written! And, really, you stated simply what this whole DB'ing thing is all about. We can only change ourselves, and in doing so, we become better people, no matter what happens to our M.
You are a great example to the rest of us! Thanks for sharing.
Oh, man, I just sat and cried until I thought my heart would break... D13 always is Facebooking and Instagraming and all that.
She logged onto Instagram on my PC, and when I clicked someone's pictures tonight (she is at XW1), it pulled up her Instagram, and she had pictures of herself and I and she put, "Yeah, my daddy and I are cool." Oh, man, my heart!
