Well W got off a bit earlier so she came to pick up S5; I told her I was going out so I was getting in the shower. Didn't even see her. I did email her about a continuance to delay the divorce proceedings because she has to file it tomorrow, or we go to full trial. No response.
What's interesting is that about 20% of me hoped she'd file the delay, and about 80% didn't care.
I met with great friends for a birthday party, had an awesome time, and only thought about W once, when someone else brought her up. It was a good day! Now I feel a fever coming back, so I'm taking some flu meds and going to bed.
Texted W about the continuance as my attorney had to file it by 3:00pm to get it in. She said she didn't want to wait.
Then she started into a very interesting R talk - rehashing some old stuff about a song she had sent me, said that since I responded "mean" to her, that she had just decided to never put her heart on the line for me, no matter how much she loved me because she couldn't stand to get her heart broken. I told her I understood that she must be very hurt, and my response had been wrong.
She had suggested the step-kids could spend the night with us this weekend, but we are gonna be very busy, so I asked if I could take them to breakfast one day instead. She said yes, and then said she would come along too. (go figure!)
She started talking about me not liking country music (I'm not a huge fan) and making fun of her music, which was an odd topic. I told her that I didn't mind it, just wasn't my favorite, and I DID take her to see two huge stars, Tim McGraw and Keith Urban. We actually got about 5 feet from Tim McGraw, and we were only about 12 rows back for Keith Urban. They were great shows; Keith Urban can SHRED a guitar. She said, "Well, you didn't like them." I responded, "Shoot, I'd take you to a country concert tomorrow, and wear cowboy boots, and do the boot-scoot boogie." I was cracking myself up - but she responded, "Whatever."
Finally, a weird thing happened - I found my wedding ring. I had lost it several months ago, and found it wedged in the corner of some shelves I have. I know DBing says not to wear - but W had been really hurt by me losing it, so I told her I had found something, and sent a pic of it on my finger. She responded, "Well, good, but you'll just lose it again." I actually had taken it off initially because I got too fat, but now it fits just fine! Woot!
I dunno - a very weird conversation as you can see, maybe I need a 2x4 for the ring? Very confusing!
Jon... Sometime we get positive responses for doing odd things. There is a push pull dynamic of attraction... I would just say next time she sees you don't be wearing it... It is a crazy ride
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I would suggest that you try wearing your wedding ring for a while. If W asks about it, just say "I'll take it off when we sign off the D papers."
Your W gave you two key clues in regard her internal thought process as it relates to the song and "you'll lose it again" comment which leads me to think that she's testing your resolve for her and the M. Which is why I'm suggesting that you put on your ring.
I like how Wonka is thinking about this. Not just the wearing the ring = pressure, so don't so it. Clues and insights that we might miss ourselves are always helpful. I am always looking for clues from my w that would help me choose ways to change my actions in my situation.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
@Spartan - mostly because when I lost it, it really hurt her feelings. Maybe other feelings came into play; maybe "end" of our marriage to go with it? I dunno. EVERY once in awhile, something just feels 'right' to me, even after thinking about it.
@2nd - I appreciate it. I really have only seen W once in 3 weeks, so I'm not sure it's something I have to worry about .
@Wonka - I'm the type that believes you ARE married until you sign divorce papers, although I fully understand when people talk about their M being "dead". So, I'm probably leaning toward wearing it because of what it meant to her.
The conversation got even weirder. Later on: W: "I love you, but I don't have warm feelings." Me: "Well that stands to reason since we've barely seen each other or spoken for 2 months, and the times we have spoken typically haven't been very nice at all." W: "Well, I love my dad, but I would never be around him, or let him hurt me again." Me: "I'm not your dad, and you've never been able to stand your dad for more than a few hours at a time, but you and I have a good time almost every time we're together." (That wasn't very validating, but it exposes her daddy issues for sure, and how she connects them to me.) W: "Well, there still aren't much emotions."
(Interrupted myself to send a picture of a margarita, W's favorite drink, as I was out with friends) Me: "Don't b jealous." I have no idea why I did this!
I probably then broke every DB rule in the book, but it felt exactly right, I dunno why:
Me "I understand that you don't feel much emotions right now, but emotions are fleeting, and can change based on whether someone get a good night's sleep. If you are 'done', we'll take the kids out for a nice breakfast, and we can tell them that you've decided to finalize the divorce, and it'll be done in a few months. If so, I will not be contacting you again, and I will wish you the very best in life. If you decide that's not what you want, you know where I stand and how I feel. Have a great night."
Now, I'm going out with ANOTHER friend to watch a football game for a little bit. My GALing is full steam ahead.
To be completely honest, when W initially said she didn't want to wait for a continuance, for about 60 seconds, I was a bit knotted up, then realized it was OK. I have had a total blast the last couple of weeks, and every day I have thought less and less about W, and the stomach knot has continued to loosen. She does not control who I am, doesn't make my happiness, doesn't "complete" me. I would love to have her as a part of my life, but if not, time to move on.
