NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[LuckyLuke]

Hej Far,

A 'casual' dinner one on one sounds too intense, but perhaps being with a group of people, including women, would be good.

Luke

[sandi2]

I don't know what happened to the post I sent a couple of days ago, but it didn't appear. Oh well......

I guess the answer to this is that since I do not talk about it - people don't ask.

Yep, I think you hit the nail. As for the elephant.....I would say others aren't bothered by it b/c they don't see the elephant. The only time the elephant shows up is when you seem to think the subject of your R should come up in conversation. What did you talk to these people about before you and W broke up?

You are allowing the M separation to hinder you around family/friends. By reading, I get the feeling you seem embarrassed and tense or awkward whenever you get around other people who know both of you. You need to learn how to act as if she is not a part of your life.....just as you did before you met her. When you are comfortable, others will be too. It's all part of that new self-confident man.

I think it is time for you to approach W about Christmas plans.

[Fartiltre]

Sandi,

If it the one about being ready for a dinner, then it did appear and I have replied.
It is on the previous page.

How should I approach Christmas plans? - Just straight on? At a meet up, phone, writing? I feel like doing it at a meet-up and just take up the subject and see what happens!

Oh, and by the way: I am not embarrassed - it is awkward but that’s just the being single around all these couples.

I hope you will look into my answer on your previous post.

F

[sandi2]

No, it wasn't that post. I just lost it I guess.

As I have read these boards this isn’t recommended in general – but I would love to have your opinion!
I understand the possibility of a casual dinner or a night turning in to something else and more. I also realize that I am not even close to being at that point. I still want W back and even if I didn’t I would still need time for me.

I don't recall MWD stating her VP about it in her DR book, however, it has been a while since I've read it. I realize there are some who disagree with "dating".

If you want to be technical, you aren't legally M. Which, btw, I've been meaning to ask you...why didn't you M her?

The reason I was asking how you felt about the idea of dating is b/c I think she needs something to jump start her engine. She needs to see you as an available bachelor. I'm not suggesting anything intense, just a friendly dinner. It can be nice without it being romantic, can't it? I don't think you should lead a woman on to think there is more....if there isn't. Just tuck it inside your brain so if the occasion should arise, you will be prepared to act. There are a few women out there who would enjoy a friendly dinner also.

Okay, about the Christmas thing....I was really hoping LTH, Labug or Advina would jump in and help with the wording. They are much better than I am.

Do your kids do anything on Halloween? If so, has that been discussed yet?

[Fartiltre]

I don't recall MWD stating her VP about it in her DR book

Me neither. I was only referring to what I read in here.

It can be nice without it being romantic, can't it?

Definitely!


Few days or weeks after BD W told me that I should feel free to date or get some sex. As I have written before I was pursuing her for sex and the further away I come from BD and the clearer my mind get I believe that this was a major thing to her. I also remember her stating/spewing “I can’t believe you have gone so long without”

I think I understand my own behavior now! In short the case was that we have been in trouble for a long time and at last the only thing that was back was us ML (which it wasn’t – just boring sex! –especially for W)
I was clinging to the ML because that was all that was left!
When things turned all bad at last I rejected her - passive aggressive little boy!

I am writing this because if this is a major issue to W it might be wrong going on a “light” date – what your opinion?

At the same time I really don’t care that much. If a nice woman whom I think I can enjoy an evening with suddenly comes by – I will eat dinner with her! I haven’t planned on seeking it in anyway.

If you want to be technical, you aren't legally M. Which, btw, I've been meaning to ask you...why didn't you M her?

25mlc asked me this a long time ago and I answered:

I haven’t got a decent answer to this question! I have thought about it a million times during the last years but haven’t acted! At this moment I feel regrets on this behalf but at the same time I do not think it would have saved anything!

It’s like every time I thought about purposing some crap (Fathers dead, premature birth, financials, bankruptcy, illness – long list) came up and gave us bad times. I also think that the fact that I already divorced once kept me from purposing. It’s properly several things playing together.
If R ever happens and things work out this is something I will remedy

Okay, about the Christmas thing....I was really hoping LTH, Labug or Advina would jump in and help with the wording. They are much better than I am.

I hope they will look in om me then. If I get a good chance I will bring it up but otherwise I will hold the horses a week or two.

Do your kids do anything on Halloween?

Halloween isn’t that big here! We do something similar but it’s in February.

[Fartiltre]

W called twice this evening. I didn’t feel like talking the first time and we were eating the second time she called. When I called her back she wanted answers to her email from this morning.
I told her almost down to the word what I posted here and then I tried to end the convo. She asked if we were having good times and I told her yes but without telling her what we have been doing and then I tried to end the convo. She asked if Ds wanted to talk – they did. D6 first and then D4. D4 got very sad and started crying. She miss W. After this I ended the convo.
The tone was once again all pleasant.

Later D6 got mad at me and told me that “Then I can just always live with mom”. That one hurt and I told D6 in harsh words that this wasn’t a fair statement. I am not proud of my reaction so I told her that I was sorry about my it and explained that it hurt me. Then she hugged me and said that she didn’t mean it.

When tugging Ds in they were both very sad and crying – missing W. D6 and I have had a long convo about this. She wants to go to W tomorrow but I have told her no. It’s hard seeing them and hearing them talk about missing. They both tell me unasked that it is the other way around as well. D6 asked me this evening why we can’t live together. I try to the best of my abilities to help them but I am not educated or trained in these matters. I hug, listen, validate and tell them that their feelings are ok. I try very hard to not talk about W at all in front of them. I am simply afraid that my tone of voice or wording will come out wrong these days and I do NOT want to talk or sound bad in regards of W.

It has been a very emotional evening! Rough!

[sandi2]

It seems a little unfair of your W to call and ask if the girls want to talk to her. If they were missing her and asked you to call her, that would be different. Hearing their mother's voice will naturally trigger the emotional bond and cause young children to want to be with her. Maybe you need to approach her in an email about the affect it has on them when she calls. Didn't this come up once before?

I really don't think you should wait till November to discuss Christmas with W. But hopefully the others will give their suggestions.

[Fartiltre]

THREAD CLOSED!


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