D is no fault in Sweden, a 50-50 split is made, with no alimony, end of story. I may need to pay a bit for my daughter, but it is not much.
If they can do it, I will interview two prospective college applicants this weekend, which is supposed to be fun I hear, and give my W space. Have also contacted a guy friend regarding doing something Saturday.
So given my remaining vacation time, and the cheap airfares, perhaps I will go to London, which I've been meaning to do for a while. And EE, again.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Thank you again, sandi2. I took your advice, impulsively, and left the dinner fixins half done, for the girls to finish cooking themselves, and saw a good movie (Monica Z, should it make it over there). I did not inform anyone about doing this - kind of fun, actually.
Why is doing this enjoying myself - beyond its being strong and independent - good to do? I have the option of going back to the States, partly for work, partly for EE - which would lighten the psychological burden on my W also, plus I have more fun in California than here (there is simply more to do there).
One issue is when to inform my MIL that W and I are having serious problems. I don't want her pressuring W, as this probably would complicate things. In any case, when I do inform her, I think it would be appropriate to no longer stay at her house, where she so kindly has put me up (and up with me) for 15 years.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
initially after the BD, i scampered like everyone else, and i was convinced i had lost the greatest woman ever to walk the earth. and i was in immense pain with this knowledge. and i had to get her back, even if it meant degrading myself and giving up any shred of self respect i had, because she was The One, i had to have her back.
but now, after i look back at myself, all of this was simply because of: wanting what i couldnt have.
that was it.
it was not because of her, she cheated, she lied, she disrespected me and my family, etc.
but i wanted her.
only because i couldnt have her.
so, i'd suggest you look at your situation, and ask yourself if this you really want her, or do you want her only because you cant have her.
because i know for me, if i had saved my M, it wouldnt have been too long before i realized what i was going on, and i probably would have made the decision to end it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
"I disagree with the going out thing, as it will just 'legalize' her doing so also."
You just said that D in Sweden is no fault. So that doesn't make any sense. I really think you need to go out with women of the opposite sex 1) to rebuild your self confidence with women (right now you're afraid of your W and daughter), 2) Your W needs to see that you have some kind of masculine wealth within you.
"Finally, I've thrown out the magazine with the online dating article, so prominently laid out on the living room table."
You know that just shows insecurity right?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
While you may be right, Bond - I liked and felt good about getting smiles from women the other day in NY - there is a danger here. If I go out, then she may feel justified in doing the same (now 'legalized', by me, for her also) thing, and she seems ripe for an affair. Bye-bye marriage.
I did have a meetup with a French woman last week in OC, but just to make music. The two of us went to her beach house, where she had a dinner of the Moroccan lamb shank I had brought with, and then she sat on the bed, barefoot, playing tunes, while I accompanied her. Thoughts of assignation crossed my mind, but I kept things aboveboard. We had a good time with just the music, and she wasn't my type anyway, physically. (There was also a Korean woman who seemed interested a few weeks ago, at a drum circle. And the former Victoria's Secret model neighbor, who gave me a full body hug and kiss, both of which felt really good.)
Women of the opposite sex? (I am smiling). The men's lunch club I am organizing starts tomorrow.
The 'helpful' magazine was laying opened to the page on internet dating (subtitle "here's how it works"), which I found distasteful, considering my d15 could also see it.
Off to the dentist -
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"If I go out, then she may feel justified in doing the same (now 'legalized', by me, for her also) thing, "
She already does feel justified to do it. She told you flat out she was.
"The 'helpful' magazine was laying opened to the page on internet dating (subtitle "here's how it works"), which I found distasteful, considering my d15 could also see it. "
Are you really sure this is what she did? Sounds childish and not something she would do.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't need to validate her decision, though, and also find it distasteful to do anything like this in front of my d15. Heck, I've been without a woman for nearly 10 years, so a few more months don't matter.
If she does go out with someone else, that changes everything, and would be a really hurtful blow. There is a woman who has emailed me a few months ago, maybe 20 years my junior though, who it would be nice to see again, but I choose not to just now.
Those are the expectable crisis points, by the way: selling the house, her going out with someone else, me going out with someone else, moving, telling the kids about this, telling others about this. I am sure each will hurt, and do not look forward to any of them.
Yes, I think she did the magazine thing. I've had 'signs' from her before, and why would my daughter do this?
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
