Wonderful Labug!! Wonderful to hear great news full of hope just before I go to bed. I will add you to my prayers for tonight as you are yet another testimony that prayers are answered.
Magic
Thanks Magic! I want to share something here that I shared a lot early on in my threads in Newcomers: my prayers were more about me becoming a whole person, not about H coming home.
I remember very clearly my first IC appt after he left and me stating my goal, I don't want to be an angry, bitter, resentful Dd woman of a certain age. Once I set that intention, I worked toward it daily.
The result being, even tho I'm very grateful that H and I are taking this second chance, I would have been and was very fine without him.
This journey is about us and our thoughts, our reactions, our fears, our hurts. Uncovering all that can be scary but the rewards are many.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think it's great that you are taking your time and dating. Takes the 'pressure' off and lets you slowly get to know each other again. It's also kind of exciting!
I feel similar to you in a way. When H told me he wanted to separate, I didn't want to be that bitter and resentful D'd person either. I wanted to live life and be happy and move forward. I truly let go. I think my H noticed and was wondering what on earth was happening!! lol. By that point it wasn't so much about HIM anymore. I realized I would be fine either way. It's nice when you get to that place.
I too, struggled with showing my vulnerable side to my husband. I showed it to him a few times before with a chilly response and I kind of shut down, worried about how he would react if I opened up. I realize now that I need to open up to him more and let him back in, if we ever want to find that emotional connection again. That secure feeling that your partner is there to support you. That is my main goal.
Take care! -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Bug, I know how hard you've worked to become who you are today.
And I think the fact that you would be fine whatever way this turns out will allow you to move forward with an open mind and heart.
It is hard to be vulnerable when it's not what you know. Hard when you have gone through what you have.
I read these two things. Thought I’d share.
We are ashamed by what we fear will separate us from others; we fear some part of us will be judged unworthy. But by being willing to be vulnerable and to invest in a relationship when you are not sure of the outcome is one of the characteristics of people who feel worthy of being loved–and feel more joy in their lives..
I love that quote uR. It took me awhile to understand and appreciate the relationship between shame and fear. I feel I see it in layers and every time i let go of some fear i feel a release of the shame as well.
Bug, I am so happy for you. Have you spoken to your boys about it yet or do you feel its still too early?
I like what you said:
When I say slow down, it's slow down and listen, realize that I don't know what he's thinking. I need to ask more questions, reflect more and never assume.
I think this is true for any relationship we are in. We do tend to assume SO MUCH. It really is quite amazing how much we can get in the way of ourselves with our assumptions.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Yes, that's the crux of everything, isn't it? We hide those parts of ourselves which have brought on shame in the past. Since I've realized that, I'm much more willing and able to be me and find the real me. I think that's our connection to living a good life.
Thanks for sharing that.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I love that quote uR. It took me awhile to understand and appreciate the relationship between shame and fear. I feel I see it in layers and every time i let go of some fear i feel a release of the shame as well.
Bug, I am so happy for you. Have you spoken to your boys about it yet or do you feel its still too early?
I like what you said:
When I say slow down, it's slow down and listen, realize that I don't know what he's thinking. I need to ask more questions, reflect more and never assume.
I think this is true for any relationship we are in. We do tend to assume SO MUCH. It really is quite amazing how much we can get in the way of ourselves with our assumptions.
No, we haven't told the boys. I think we're getting close to that point tho. It's fun to have this "secret" tho.
About assumptions and mind-reading, etc, I've noticed many times how different my reactions are to things that before I would have been resentful or b!tchy about. Our communication is more honest, expectations are few.
And more is revealed every time we're together.
Patience.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
you can always make me smile.