Hi (W name), I seem to be nameless in your mails... the ticket is bought... did not need to be reminded about it after your first note. Luke
Luke, this comes across as pissy.
why not just try: "Hi Yes, thanks for asking, I took care of the tickets, no problems. Luke."
your W is asking you to be strong, so dont let some little insignificant detail like using your name shake you up.
i believe you can judge a person's strength by what it takes to knock them down. what i mean by this is a weak person will get knocked down by a small amount of force. but a strong person will barely notice this same small amount of force.
so dont let your W see you get knocked down by this small reminder email.
my x sends me reminder txts all the time, i think it makes her feel in control. sometimes its about things i have already covered and its a bit annoying. other times it actually was something i would have forgotten and i'm happy she did it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
When I feel annoyance bubbling up when I think people are "reminding me", I use this to defuse my emotions and the communication with the other individual by using this line:
"Thanks for the kind reminder."
I agree with Ken that your draft response comes across as pissy.
I agree with the others. What your W texted wasn't bad at all. In fact, in my case, when my W STARTED to name me in our texts, I didn't like it because it sounded like the intimacy of us just knowing it was each other was gone.
Your overall response was a passive aggressive.
I think you are so used to your W being mean to you that even when she's actually civil, your defenses automatically go up.
A simple "will do" and "thank you" will be fine in these cases.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
now that you have returned to EE's workshop, do you see how unhelpful your first reaction would have been?
Good...so, now what's your plan for the holiday? Have you offered your d the chance to come WITH a friend? That way she's not choosing between parents,
but between having fun with her dad/brother and friend, AND Not doing so. If I were your w, I'd want my d to go... Then again, I myself would want to go so it's hard to figure out what your w wants, except out...
YOU sound great post workshop. Do NOT backslide or believe your w's views of you are based on 'real data". What you show her is a part of you that you CAN change.
Too many people have met you in real life, and all found you warm and personable. So no more lonely man years, "INSIDE" your own family!
When I read how you react to your w, I realize it's not healthy for YOU to be there. I mean, truly, I don't get it. Is she a huge strong abusive woman? What is it that makes you give her all your power?
What's it going to take for you to take it all back?
Well I know what's healthy/happy, and what's NOT.
When I hear of you around your w, I see reactions and proposals that are NOT happy or healthy.
So...there's that.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I finally have a bit of time - work and lots of piddling details that need doing have been tying me up.
My W is - and this is just description, not defense or whatever - tough, proud of it, perfectionist, eats fish eyeballs, often impatient, assertive, outspoken, a fast runner, 'a wild beauty' (my cousin said this), rejecting of friends she no longer considers relevant or current, a steel trap mind, dubious of monogamy, etc.
Yes, EE made me see myself better - I really do like people (especially the EE kind!) and want to be around them - thank you Bond -
My M is not healthy and I have no problem with a D now. Lots of women to meet, relationships to be built, much fun to be had: a better life awaits.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Thanks for asking. I got home from the US two days ago, having spent a nice Thanksgiving with BIL, MIL, W's cousins and their families. BIL's two boys were fun to play with, and I had good conversations with BIL's wife and her mother.
Being back here makes what I don't like about it clear. Working alone all day and then regularly into the evening is no fun. I saw d15 for only 10 minutes yesterday. She and my still-W now share her bedroom upstairs, so at least we are on the same floor at night (in the States I don't really care about having people near, as I am alone, but here, where my family is nearby, it is nice to be on the same floor).
EE was a very positive experience, which I can imagine doing again. I felt like I could contribute, we on the support staff worked together on a common goal, and I got to know more people, which I really appreciated. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to give emotionally, especially for someone in a classically dry profession like mine!
W did the usual not saying hello when she came home, ignoring me, until I called everyone to dinner. She avoided my gaze during the meal, only softening a bit afterwards, as I explained and gave her the various kid stocking stuffers I had found in the States. She asked no questions about my time in the US or the flight, as if these did not exist. Bottom line - she can go jump in a lake (and there is one nearby).
So, it looks like the D is on track, but that is probably for the best. It sure would be nice to have a partner that I can share with again...
I have a beard now btw, as suggested a while ago. It was fun to get this trimmed at a place specializing in cool haircuts, including the 'slick pomp'. Perhaps a Napolean III Imperial is on the cards...
W is slated to get a book about Virginia Woolf's garden (she adores VW and our garden here) for Christmas, perhaps too nice a present. It is ot expensive, but certainly something she will like. My s, soon 20, gets a trip with Dad to Sicily. Only d15 still lacks a big gift, something that bears working on.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
