I've been lurking for the past year or so, but thought I'd give an update...It's been a few years since the divorce and 5 since the separation. My kids are doing great. S19 is at community college and has started spending a bit more time with me than his dad. D13 is doing great in middle school. I'm working at the same job now for 5 years and I've had a couple promotions and raises, and like it on most days.
X has been more civil recently. D13 actually asked him to be civil to me and he for whatever reason has been complying. I went to the park with D13 this weekend and took a really cool picture of her and she decided to email it to her dad (from my phone). OW emailed me back that she was buying D13 a phone for her birthday (which is in three weeks) so I do not need to do that anymore (not that I did anything)??? D13 called me from her new phone an hour later. I remember in the past when I used to be bothered by the OW (they are still engaged), now apparently she's bothered by me for whatever reason...but I'm just more bemused by it now...
I did some dating "lite" last year, but haven't really met anyone I'm seriously interested in, and to be honest, I am very cautious too...but I will try to work on that in the near future... Karen
Wow everything does sound good! It is always amazing how once the dust settles that life actually starts to look good again and then after awhile it gets better! The OW being "bothered" is just icing on the cake!
Aw Karen, you just keep being your sweet self! Too funny about N. maybe ex is getting mad at her like we used to talk about.
So I have this guy on eharmony that seems to just be zooming through the intro steps. Whoa buddy slow down. He doesn't have much about himself posted, not even a picture. Not trying to be shallow but you can't just be a gray profile right? And why does it bother me so much that he has read 0-3 books in the past year while I have read at least 60. Yes I love to read. Is it a deal breaker, I don't know.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
If he's too busy living a cool life to read, then not a dealbreaker, if he can't read, then yes, a dealbreaker....i am inspired by you to try eharmony again or christianmingle; the one drawback of my job is no men!!!
Well, turns out I am starting to get a bit worried about D13. OW is apparently a bit cuckoo for cocoa puffs. D13 told me in addition to being upset at me for allowing her to email a picture of her last week from my phone, she also was upset that she used bar soap to shower with (I have the kind for sensitive skin b/c I have that #) and she made her take a 2nd shower with body wash at X's when she got there. Does that sound like a crazy person cause it does to me????
D13 was telling me this week that she has never told X how she feels about OW, but is afraid he will love/like her less etc. I'm bummed for D13, but what can you do...I am just praying for D13, and feel like it's like watching a really slow accident and nothing you can do...
I hear you Karen. Ex used to say I was putting words in their mouths whenever I brought up any concerns. How often is she over there? I know d14, soon to be 15 is looking forward to working possibly next year but she is worried leaving d13 alone in that situation.
How is s19 when he is there? Or does he not go so much since he 19? Will he be done with school this year? Is your ex still helping with expenses for him or just for d13?
I think we need to catch up. Lol. What's it been, a year since we talked? Hey did you know Denise got married? I know she just celebrated an anniversary. I can't remember if it has been one or two years now. I am so proud of her for taking that leap of faith.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
We have 50/50 custody and it's just recently that D13 has been bringing this stuff up about OW. I had her use body wash and she wanted to use soap when she showered yesterday so she wouldn't have to take another shower over there right away. Plus I told her to keep me updated on this stuff so we can work it out to try to prevent D13 from having to take 2 showers in an afternoon or whatever crazy thing. Plus, what I didn't say, is I also want to keep an eye on the sitch. I generally plan to stay out of it though, figuring this is b/w D13 and OW and X.
I tend not to address parenting concerns with X, just about safety or when he wasn't giving her meds, and that kind of thing. I just kind of think OW is crazy; she makes D13 wear a bra 24/7 at X's house, that kind of control behavior; makes me sad for them, but what X chooses, and I think it will turn off the kids at some point, esp when they get married and she's there full-time (I think her 3 prior marriages are kind of a red flag too).
s19 is still going there at the same time as J; they both still like being together; the consistency of that I think, but X doesn't have good internet or something so he spends a little more time here to do his homework (college stuff is all on internet now so X really should upgrade). I am just getting child support for J, but have perm alimony, so I'm good.
Um - why don't you just let daughter wash with whatever soap she wants, and she can just TELL OW she used body wash?
Seriously - I know it's not a good precedent to tell your kids to lie, but what business is it of OW's what soap D uses? So long as she's not dirty? Or does OW have some weird chemical sensitivity problem or something?
She told D13 that soap doesn't work as well as body wash....um, i think she's a bit crazy..my daughter is super truthful...she and my son are autistic spectrum and super into truth and following the rules and all, I agree it would be easier for them to just make up stuff but they would never do that. And OW def is way too intrusive for someone who is not a mom and with an almost 14 yo imo...I think it's just plan weird
Oh yeah - ASD kids are never gonna tell a lie. My oldest has very very mild Asperger's and he could never do that. Maybe just coach your daughter that it's ok to tell OW that she prefers soap.
It is totally weird that OW thinks that (actually, soap is a far better anti-bacterial than almost anything.) I don't suppose there is any chance in h#ll of talking to your ex and asking him to rein in his crazy OW? That's really crossing a boundary there. Especially with an ASD kid who can't fight back.
The OW being "bothered" is just icing on the cake!